Home > Relationships & Family > Marriage & Divorce > Marriage > Marital Conflicts
Are restraining orders effective against violent spouses?
Results so far:
| Yes | 33% | 108 votes | Total: 326 votes | |
| No | 67% | 218 votes |
Yes
by Jocy Christensen
Created on: October 28, 2010
I believe that a restraining order is effective against violent spouses. Domestic violence is a very sad state and also a very traumatizing experience for the members of the family, most especially the wife. Research shows that domestic violence has now become an epidemic that is prevalent all over the world. The most common form of domestic violence is the husband abusing the wife. Statistics show that men perpetrate ninety-two percent of all domestic violence or abuse against women. Women are five to eight times more likely to be abused by a spouse or lover or approximately twenty-one percent of all violent crimes against women.
The violent spouse can inflict hurtful physical acts that include pinching, slapping, beating, kicking, punching, pulling of the hair, and the actual use of weapons. These weapons can include but are not limited to knives, guns, belts, bats, vehicles, cigarettes or lighters, curling irons, hammers, tire irons or gardening tools. The violence does not happen abruptly. There are different symptoms or warning signs that a spouse can be abusive or violent.
A spouse can show signs early on in the relationship when he/she subtly stops all contact between you and your family or friends. He/she might camouflage that tendency as “I want to enjoy our togetherness” syndrome. That is a clear sign of selfishness. As the marriage or relationship develops, the abusive spouse makes all household decisions concerning everything from cleaning schedules to major purchases without any consultation. When a spouse is controlling where you go, who you see, and what you do as well as placing time limits, checking up or interrogating you after trips to even such places as the grocery or school to pick up children, this is a sign that the spouse has the tendency to be abusive.
You think that he/she just has a jealous streak or a possessive nature, but the truth is, it is a clear manifestation of abusive or violent tendencies. The symptoms can go to the extent of destroying personal property, punch holes in walls, shatter furniture or glassware, and/or threatens to kill you. The violent spouse blames his or her temper and abuse on you or acts like the violence is not any big deal to begin with. The nightmare can go on and on.
The most common reasons men and women who have stayed with a violently abusive partner are “for the sake of their children,” “religious beliefs or fear of excommunication,” and the “fear that the abuser will come looking for them to kill them.” In the past, it was taboo to even talk of domestic violence and very few came out to openly admit of the violence in the home. Society has now become compassionate and even special courts were created to deal with this kind of problem. The courts are willing to issue restraining orders when considered necessary after being presented with documentation.
If you are dealing with an abusive partner, then the first step should be to get out of the situation. A number of domestic violence shelters will provide women with temporary housing and other services to help them get back on their feet in these types of cases. The next step, though, should be to seek out a temporary restraining order from the violent partner. Go to the proper legal officer and file for a petition. One must be prepared to give a brief description of why you are seeking an order of protection. For some people, recounting the traumatic events that created the need for a restraining order can be emotional. If you have children, then you can seek an order of protection for your kids, too. As long as you are the parent or legal guardian, you can be a petitioner on behalf of any minor children when filing for a temporary restraining order.
A Restraining Order is a temporary means of protecting the aggrieved spouse and children from the violent spouse. I believe it is effective. A violation of the restraining order is a ground for imprisonment. The restraining order is just the beginning of a major decision to either end the marriage or relationship or to forgive and start all over again. However, any form of abuse or violence should be dealt with, with the help of professionals.
Learn more about this author, Jocy Christensen.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.
No
by Patricia Burke
Created on: February 19, 2012
A restraining order is totally useless against a violent man. He will look at it as just a joke. First of all, a woman will not feel the need to retain a restraining order unless the man in her life is violent. If a separation from sweet hearts or a married couple is amicable, there is no need for one. Some men and women can actually sit down and talk about the fact that their relationship is just not going to work. They then discuss how they will handle the home, children and finances. But this is not so for the abuser.
Most women have already gotten a restraining order in place before they even file for a divorce. Those who do not, are advised to do so by their lawyer. Most lawyers will draw up the papers for you. What this writer found out during the filing of her divorce was the husband continued to come to her home and beat her. He would be waiting on her after she got off from work to follow her home.
When addressing the lawyer with this, asking for help, she found there would be no help. The lawyer’s words were, “I don’t know what to tell you.” That is definitely not the answer any of us would want at any time. Thirty five years ago, to pay a lawyer $500.00 before and after the divorce was a lot of money. Yet the lawyer tells the woman he cannot help. At one point the words were, “He’s crazy, I do not know what to tell you.”
There are a few things that every woman needs to know about restraining orders. They are only a piece of paper. The man will continue to stalk and beat her if he gets the opportunity. Most men will not stop until they can. Some will not stop until they kill the woman. There have been many instances when the woman has been murdered by the husband even while in what is called a “safe house.” This is supposed to be a place where the man cannot find the woman. It is almost uncanny how these men can trace a woman down.
There are opinions from women having been through this kind of life. Most of them feel the laws should be stronger for the man when they make a call to the police department. Usually when a man is picked up for, say, kicking her door in and beating on her, he is taken to jail and kept for 2 hours. Quite often the man is laughing as he goes out the door while telling her he will kill her for calling the police.
Many have actually given the address of the husband and his employment address, in hopes of getting their child support. Nothing seems to work in their favor. These men are threatened and given a slap on the wrist. Most only laugh at a woman when she mentions an order of protection.
Many times the men that are abusive to their wives are using alcohol or drugs. If this is the case, the woman has no chance of things ever getting better. A piece of paper will not stop him from harming her. In his mind he cannot be stopped, he is God. Then there are those that have this thing that drives them to feel like they are in control. The only way they can feel like they are in control is to abuse their wives and eventually their children. It is all about control. Usually these men are very insecure. The only thing that will help them feel good is to beat up a woman. The third type of man is one who actually has a mental disorder such as schizophrenia. This man hears voices and has hallucinations.
It doesn’t really matter what the reason for the abuse, what matters is getting it stopped before the woman is killed. There are times that women are not taken seriously by the police because she has gone back to the man. Usually these couples become known to the policeman in their neighborhood from so many calls. They sometimes laugh and say that she just took him back so that is what she deserves. No one knows what a woman goes through while living with an abuser. If someone threatens to kill your children or family member, you would go back to them. Unfortunately while trying to figure out a way to free them without help, sometimes it is too late when help does arrive.
Learn more about this author, Patricia Burke.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.
Write and get published
Share with other writers
Polish your freelancing skills
Quality articles from proven freelancers
Exclusive rights, fast turnaround
Brand engagement, business blogging -- our writers do it all
INFORMATION
Copyright © 2002-2012 Helium, Inc. All rights reserved.
Helium.com: A Service of RR Donnelley