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by Kimberly Smith

Created on: July 25, 2010

When children are torn between two people who promised to love, obey, and support each other in sickness and in health many tough decisions must be made. The most important factor in a divorce between couples who have children is the child. When love turns to heartbreak it is important to remember who the parents are and who is the innocent victim of circumstances.

 In the United States a child is not considered an adult until they are eighteen for very good reasons. Children do not have the maturity and foresight to guide their own lives. This generation is a time of slowed maturity where we have allowed children to be children. Topics such as divorce and custody take a mental maturity above that of a child.

At times like this many parents begin to behave like children. This is why lawyers can make such a good living. There are places which can give guidance during these tough decisions. A good website to consider is: www.childcustody.org .

It is important to take a child’s needs into respect when making this decision. Parents should not try to buy a child’s love during this time. Many parents feel guilty about separating and tearing a child’s family apart so they spoil the child with objects. It is more important that a child receives love and emotional support then a new bike or video game. Parents use these gifts often to make themselves feel better as well as to bring the child onto their side. Ideally a child should not have to choose between their parents.

When a child must choose between parents a child gets overloaded with a mixture of feelings. Stress from having to make the choice can be a distraction in a child’s daily life to the point that school grades suffer and the child becomes withdrawn. This reaction can lead to a cycle of bad grades, drug abuse, and low self esteem. Along with this cycle a child that is forced to choose between parents can become overwhelmed with guilt at choosing one parent over another. These are the type of emotions which can increase the chance of teen suicide. Here is a good website to help parents help children with these feelings: Teen Suicide / American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry at   www.aacap.org/cs/roo t/facts_for_families /teen_suicide . Divorce and guilt can be over whelming and difficult for the parents, why saddle a child with such emotions?

The emotional needs of a child should be considered at all times during a divorce. Ideally parents should aim at joint custody when possible. A child should not be used to seek revenge by parent or the other. The mother is not always the ideal choice. What is important is that the older the child is the more consideration should be taken towards their feeling. A young child would choose the parent they are closet to not the one that is best to meet their needs. Young children are very forgiving and are not capable of understanding the issues fully. However, a teenager would understand if a parent has bad habits that would adversely affect the child or could potentially harm the child.

The reason we have court systems in America to use during divorce is so that difficult decisions are handled with the help of impartial third parties. There is too much going on during a divorce for a child without the mental development of an adult to make a life changing decision. These types of life changing decisions affect all parties concerned. The decision of child custody is best left to adults who take the best interest of the child into consideration.

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