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Should you talk about your fantasy life with your spouse?
Results so far:
| Yes | 74% | 325 votes | Total: 438 votes | |
| No | 26% | 113 votes |
Yes
by Jenn Cotton
Created on: April 20, 2010
Why wouldn't you talk about your fantasies with your spouse should be the question here....
Your spouse is or should be your soul mate, your best friend and a person you confide in. When you are down, you tell them what you are feeling, when you are worried, you discuss what issues are bothering you. If you have sexual fantasies, you should open up to them about them too.
This article shouldn't be about what types of fantasies you have or whether they are good or bad or how you should approach discussing them. It's about feeling open enough within your relationship to discuss them with the one person that is able to fulfill them for you. Sex is a hard topic to bring up as is, let alone if you want to experiment and expand on your sexual endeavors, but if you can get over the awkwardness of it, it could be one of the best things for your sexual relationship with your spouse.
Your spouse most likely has fantasies of their own, but maybe they are also unsure of discussing it with you. If you open the door to it - you could learn a lot about each other and what each other wants from your sexual relationship together.
Being comfortable with yourself is the first step to opening up your fantasy. If you know and are aware what turns you on and what you are looking for and trying to experiment with then you can start to learn how to describe it so it can be acted upon.
My husband and I have a very open sexual relationship. We each have fantasies that we both fulfill for each other. We haven't ever actually sat down and had a specific conversation on it - it just came about one night. One night we were starting to get frisky and he said "pretend I'm your boss" and that was it. From there it expanded. I added in portions that I would like and he expanded on his 'Boss' fantasy. It was so enjoyable. Our sexual relationship thrives on instances like this. We are both open and know that we can have moments like this with each other.
I hope that every person that reads this article, and votes one way or the other, is comfortable with themselves enough to give it enough thought. It is a little nerve wrecking at first but once initiated it can be one of the most enjoyable topics you will broach with your spouse. I hope that you can have such the open/broad relationship that I have with my husband. No matter what your fantasy is, it's yours. It's what you want and are dreaming about. Act on it! The worst that can happen is - you don't act it out.... And then you're left where you started. Initiating it with your spouse might just be the jump start you need together.
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No
by R Shimoda
Created on: March 04, 2010 Last Updated: March 06, 2010
Today's society is composed of folks who have problems with self-esteem and having to hear someone's fantasy life, especially from a spouse, has the effect of putting kerosene on a forest fire. For a spouse to share something this intimate is not necessarily a sign of ultimate sharing in a marriage but could be interpreted as how you don't measure up with his or hers expectations.
I'm sure there are marriages in the world where couples can handle hearing about each other's fantasy life and use it to create future goals or perhaps get additional insight on what pleases or doesn't please their spouse. For the rest of us, this is a hard pill to swallow and inevitably becomes a source of comparison or plants the seeds of possible future infidelity. For example if a husband told his wife about how he would like to be a famous actor with legions of women eager to sleep with him, how would the wife probably react? Or if a wife made a similar comment about being a famous actress with legions of men eager to sleep with her, how would the husband probably react?
Each of us has certain experiences or opinions that are kept to ourselves and not shared for a variety of reasons ranging from fear of ridicule to being punished for breaking the law. As a result, that information is not normally shared with others unless it is absolutely necessary. Fantasies fall into a special class of their own of things you don't want to share with anyone.
They are the purest representation of a person's Id, where anything is possible and anything goes. Others listening to what you consider a fantasy life will be tempted to analyze your account and draw conclusions about likes and dislikes you have. Usually sharing this level of detail of ones personality is not considered normal because it makes the individual too predictable and eventually not interesting anymore.
In a marriage, although the ideal husband and wife get along perfectly and have no conflicts, it is an unrealistic view and even if possible to attain, would have a very boring life. It is this element of the unknown and unpredictable that adds life to a marriage. But sharing too much like one's fantasy life, can put a relationship on a too predictable path or end up as a source of friction as the spouse realizes he or she may not be able to ever achieve that life for their spouse.
Like anything else in life, too much information is never too good. So sharing your fantasy life with your spouse is asking for trouble and with all the problems folks have in their marriages, why tempt fate?
Learn more about this author, R Shimoda.
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