Should you forgive your cheating spouse?

Yes

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by Marcquita Brown

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Nothing can cause more pain and despair in a relationship than discovering that your partner has been unfaithful. Infidelity decimates families and destroys happy homes each day, leaving one or more parties hurt, angry, and in some cases unable to move past the incident.

The easy answer when faced with the question of whether or not to forgive your unfaithful partner is a resounding and unwavering NO.

But if you push emotion aside and try to think about the situation rationally, you will likely come to realize that the answer should be YES.

Why? They cheated. They violated your trust. They humiliated you! Why should you be the nice one and offer the olive branch of peace and forgiveness?

That's easy to answer. It's in your best interest. Whether you choose to stay with your partner and attempt to work through this problem or choose to cut ties and move on with your life, harboring ill will and resentment towards this person will hurt you the most in the long run.

Scenario One: You decide to stay with your spouse and work through your issues. You have kids so you don't want to break up the family. However, you just can't bring yourself to forgive your unfaithful partner. This will undoubtedly create tension in the home, and no matter how much you try to hide it, your kids will know something is going on. This is not a healthy environment for your children and you as a parent would certainly not want to be partially responsible for forcing your children to live in an unhealthy environment.

Scenario Two: Again, you choose to stay with your partner. You don't have kids, but you still love him/her and want to try to work things out. But you can't bring yourself to forgive him/her for their infidelity. If you can get past this first hurdle, how can you possibly work through anything? The first stage of healing and moving forward is letting go of the past. Sure, it's a not so distant past, but it is the past nonetheless. You must move forward to move on.

Scenario Three: You leave. You wash your hands of them the whole situation. You are free and plan to move on with your life. But how can you do this with one foot stuck in the past? You've taken the hardest step. You've left. Do you really want to bring this baggage into relationships you might have in the future?

Now, I've gone on and on about letting go and moving on, and I stand by everything I've said. I'm not saying there needs to be a long drawn out speech about forgiving them for what they've done. In fact, you don't have to say a thing. The important thing is to know that you have forgiven them, even if you can't bring yourself to speak the words aloud. But being open and willing to forgive your unfaithful spouse does not mean that you should forget. Life lessons are only valuable when we can learn and grow from them. History will repeat itself, especially if you don't heed the warning signs from past lessons. So forgive, don't forget. But don't hold so caught up in recalling the hurt, betrayal, and violation of trust that you blind yourself to the present or the possibilities for your future.

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