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| Yes | 73% | 8 votes | Total: 11 votes | |
| No | 27% | 3 votes |
Yes
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Add to FavoritesGrandchildren are meant to be spoiled. They are the gift you receive after raising your children. Somehow your survive your children's childhood and are rewarded with tiny bundle that are part of you and yet, not yours to raise. This is your time. You spoil them.
That does not mean that you are the bad grandparent who feeds them sweets and unhealthy food. You do not undermine their parents. However, a treat now and then is yours to share. You do not buy them everything but when their parents cannot provide something, you can step in.
Mostly, you spoil them with understanding and approval. Parents have to toe the line, make sure the children are grounded. The grandparent can raise the bar and allow a little more freedom. They may not be able to play ball in the living room at home but at grandma's house, a game of catch is a special treat.
Grandchildren may not be perfect in the eyes of the world but they certainly are in their grandparents eyes. Hugs and kisses aside, grandparents offer the praise that the rest of the world withholds. Grandparents have more time and patience. Grandparents are not as a threat. Grandparents provide a secure haven where the grandchildren can feel safe and protected. Grandchildren will more often than not, open up to a grandparent before other relatives.
Spoiling them means that you love them unconditionally and accept them for who they are. You praise them for small accomplishments and help them with the harder ones. If you are fortunate enough to live close by, it becomes even easier to be the friend that they need the most. You might at time, sneak in an answer for the homework.
There is something special about going to the grandma's house. While it is also grandpa's house, somehow is seems to be called grandma's. Grandma meets you at the door with hugs and kisses. There is usually a treat waiting and the parents are greeted later. The grandkids know that they are more important at grandma's house. Some Grandpas allow grandchildren to use tools that the parents are afraid to let them try.
Grandparents allow the children special privileges. Grandparents outrank the parents and have the right to overrule some decisions. Spoiled grandchildren understand the rules. There is a fine line between unruly children who run all over the grandparents and the kind of spoiling that lets the grandchild know that they are more special than anyone in the world. Every grandchild has the right to be spoiled.
Learn more about this author, Ann Hinds.
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No
Everyone will have a different definition of spoiling and it's tempting for grandparents to want to do this but the first thing they have to consider is their own child's approach to their children. How their sons and daughters raise their children will depend to some extent on how the grandparents raised them. Do the second generation agree with how they were brought up or do they want to moderate it or do it completely differently. There is also the family of the other parent, the in law, to consider. What are their ways of being a family?
If you respect your self and respect your child and the person they married, you will ask them what they would prefer you did not do and what is acceptable. For instance, most grandparents want to buy sweets, candies, bonbons for their grandchildren. The parents might have a policy of limiting the sugar the children ingest and to buy these would be in direct opposition to the parents wishes. What message does this give the child about adult cooperation and respect for other people's ideals?
On the other hand to spend time exclusively with a grandchild, doing what they want can be a form of spoiling which is loving and helps bind the generations together. Most children love stories about their parents activities when they were small and are delighted to hear of times when they were naughty or did something silly. This does not demean the parents but helps the child to see them for what they are, flawed humans. These sort of family stories help to develop the strength of a family.
Spoiling could mean buying anything the child wants regardless of whether the grandparents can really afford it or not. This could be interpreted as buying off the child because you can't be bothered to spend time with them. The message here is money is no object and a valuable lesson about what is important could be lost. On the other hand, giving the child something they have wanted for a while and playing with it with the grandchild or helping them to learn how it works is time well spent in the relationship. Grandfathers and train sets comes to mind.
Making favorite dishes when the grandchildren visit is not spoiling but rather showing that they are loved and their fancies can be indulged to some extend.
Grandparents have a valuable quality that parents don't have. They are not the ultimate discipliners, nor do they bear the burden of responsibility for the children solely. This allows a degree of freedom that parents may not want to use. Children value those who value them. The bond between grandparent and grandchildren can be a deep and treasured one on a completely different plane from that between children and parents. One shock for new grandparents is that although they see the grandchildren as 'theirs', the third generation see their parents as their first and most important adults.
Learn more about this author, Rosemary Redfern.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.
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