Is it right for a man past forty to have a relationship with an eighteen year old woman?

No

1 of 2

by Lisa Federico

• 

Write now Print Invite a writer™ Add to Favorites RSS Feed Contact this writer

Is it right for a man past forty to have a relationship with an eighteen year old woman?

Consider this real life example.

Robert turned 62 in February. His wife of 10 years, Cheryl, turned 35, also in February. They married when he was 52 and she was 25 after three years of friendship and another four years of courtship which included living together, one failed pregnancy, and the birth of a son. In essence, the relationship started when he was 45 and she was 18.

Flash to the present. After a long and highly successful career, three kids, and what he considers to be a good marriage, although a late one for him, Robert is getting ready to retire.

The children, now ages 12, 10, and 8 are all in school. Cheryl has the big house she always dreamed of, drives a Jaguar, has an extensive wardrobe, and enviable jewelry. Robert put her through college and graduate school, hired a full time housekeeper, nanny, and cook so she could concentrate on her studies, and retains a twice weekly landscaper to maintain their lush property. Robert didn't blink an eye when his young wife asked for plastic surgery in her early twenties a new nose, and breast implants.

Cheryl is now a full time teacher and finally spreading her wings although late for her.

She has found going to work each day is exciting. She loves teaching, but she also enjoys going out to lunch with her fellow co-workers, making new girlfriends, cocktails after work, shopping on the weekends and the 37 year old male vice principal who caught her eye the first day of school.

And here lies the problem, and the reason I believe it is not right for a man past forty to have a relationship with an eighteen year old woman.

When Robert was 45 and Cheryl was 18 everything was different. He paraded around like a peacock when the just-out-of-high-sch ool girl drooled over his Mercedes, and bragged to her still pimple-faced school mates about fancy restaurants and expensive gifts. She was young and impressionable, would not could not listen to her parents. The lure of the older man with local fame, fortune, and connections was powerful. The catch for him, no matter how sincere, was a huge triumph.

And so they lived in wedded bliss for awhile. Robert, happy and comfortable. Cheryl, happy until she grew up and figured out there was a world beyond her now balding, older husband who prefers quiet nights at home reading or watching television while she prefers nightlife, parties, being out with friends, and the freedom she never had.

That the 62 year old man is content with pending retirement is predictably normal. That the 35 year old woman, who yearns for the fun and excitement she never had in her late teens and twenties. Well, that's normal, too. Except for the fact there are now three young children involved.

Robert is not exactly in his sunset years, but he is definitely beyond middle aged, definitely near the end of his working years, definitely getting ready to scale back and settle into a quieter lifestyle. Cheryl has not yet reached her prime, and is now ready to experience all she missed while she was being courted by an older man, getting married, having children while her friends were thinking about college, working part time jobs, shopping at the mall

Is it right for a man past forty to have a relationship with an eighteen year old woman? No.

While both Robert and Cheryl are nice people, and good parents the relationship should have never happened due to the 27 year age difference. She was too young, impressionable, and would not like most teens, listen to reason from her parents. She was swept off her feet. He was already in his prime and, frankly, should have known better than getting involved with a girl young enough to be his granddaughter.

But you can't change what's happened.

They divorced. Another statistic.

She has moved on and is now involved with the 37 year old vice principal. She is living in her home with the three children, and everything is going fine with the assistance of the housekeeper, nanny, cook, and landscaper.

He is living in a local hotel, will provide for his children, and abide by all the necessary legal obligations. He is sad and lonely, misses his children who he sees only on weekends, and wants his wife back.

It's an unfortunate situation, but not surprising. There have been many 'I told you so!' comments, many who can't believe they actually got married and stayed married for so long. Everyone feels bad for the children who will ultimately suffer the most.

Despite strong attraction, lust, and whatever else a middle age man feels for an 18 year old, he must suppress those feelings and move on. The consequences of a relationship forming are likely due an unhappy ending.

Learn more about this author, Lisa Federico.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.