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Dating Dilemmas
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| Yes | 45% | 46 votes | Total: 102 votes | |
| No | 55% | 56 votes |
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Add to FavoritesAs your hand slips away from your lovers and you walk your separate ways, it's difficult to imagine yourself not ducking down to hide whenever they walk into a room, or laughing awkwardly in a group of friends when they crack a joke. Relationships are first built upon friendship, and if you wish to remain friends with your ex, you just have to dig down toward that first layer. There should not be people in this world that you are not allowed to be friends with. The whole world is there for making friends, whether it be the elder man on the subway, or the teenage girl with seven piercings. The reasons behind the break up tend to be the preventative reasons as to why you refuse to re-acquaint with your former love. Sure, they have as many flaws and annoying ticks and habits than anybody can imagine - but so do all your other friends.
It's possible to be friends with anybody, as long as you allow yourself to. Admittedly, there are some people who refuse to communicate, or attempt to even poke at a friendship barrier. But the reason you are reading this article is to see if you can repair your friendship with an ex. Obviously this person is worth the effort, and maybe you went out with them hoping not to ruin your friendship. If there was a friendship before, there can be a friendship after. Hearts may be broken, and some shall remain spiteful, but as time leads on, you push the past farther and farther behind you. A sip of coffee or a heartfelt talk wouldn't hurt with an ex-sweetheart. In fact, don't they know you better than those who are only simple acquaintances? Aren't they the ones who know your ticks and habits that annoy them to death, and aren't they the ones who got used to them? The hardest friendships are the ones that are formed with those you've been together with for a long time, and those are the people who know you inside and out, and if they're still friends with you after that, you know they accept you for who you are.
When you hold hands and quietly walk, the hand is there. When somebody walks between you and you're forced to separate, the hand is there. After a some time of not grasping each other, see if they're willing to interlink pinkies. And walk like that for a while.
Learn more about this author, Sara Speiss.
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No
While it is true that some people make better friends than lovers, chances are that if there is any doubt in your mind it probably is not a good idea to pursue a friendship. Many people go the route of trying to stay friends when, in reality, they are simply grasping at straws that will keep their ex in their lives.
The hardest thing to do is let go of somebody you still care about. Even if the relationship ended badly, and for very good reasons. The fact remains that you had and likely continue to have strong feelings for each other. If the relationship had any element of sexuality attached to it, this is unlikely to fizzle as quickly as the reasons to stay together.
As a result, that tension will build and you will either end up sleeping together again or have to deal with watching them become involved with other people. Not everybody can put aside those nagging feelings of ownership. Even though logically you know they have every right to move on, and you really do want them to be happy, you know you were there first and will always miss the quiet romantic moments, even if few and far between.
It is not easy for anybody to see their ex suddenly looking at somebody else the way they used to look at you. It is all too easy to put everything aside and wallow in regret. Ultimately, such friendships are doomed to failure.
Although there are many people who do become friends after they used to be lovers, these are typically people who were never able to connect on the emotional level that you were able to reach with your ex. They became friends after some time apart and fell into friendship once they had both moved on, even becoming friends with each other's spouses.
The main point in all of this is: When in doubt, do without. In other words, if you are asking the question, the answer may be a hard pill to swallow but, exactly what the doctor ordered. This may have been your best friend, and now that they are not in your life anymore there is an understandably large void to fill. But, this void cannot be filled by them.
During this time of separation and healing you need a friend to lean on and go through the various stages of healing. You need to cry and be angry, and so on. Find a different shoulder or write in a journal. It doesn't make much sense to use the very person you are trying to heal from as your rock and foundation.
Learn more about this author, Freyda Tartak.
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