Is getting happier a natural element of getting older?

No

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by Kimberly Osterberg

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How many times have we watched a movie, read a book,or experienced in real life that cliche called "crotchety old man"? Can you visualize this character, siting in his rocking chair on his front porch, scowling at the world and all its residents? He is unapproachable, constantly cranky, and most definitely not happy. How did this poor man get to be this way? Did he forget about the time honored tradition of "mellowing with age"? Aren't white hair and happiness supposed to be constant companions? Isn't getting happier a natural element of getting older?

From my visits to nursing homes I have seen far to many negative people to believe that happiness grows naturally as you get older. But at the same time, I cannot deny that there are elderly people who seem to glow with joy and contentment. What causes this? Why do some people sweeten and others sour with age? I would argue that age merely augments the true nature of a person. It does not give what is not there it merely reveals more definitively the traits that already existed.

In my own life I can think of one very prominent example of this. There is a woman, very dear to me, who has practically watched me grow up. When I was younger I remember her telling stories about her childhood. She grew up during the depression, so of course life was difficult. I heard many stories about good times and fun, but a majority of the stories surrounded a negative theme.

As the years have passed, I have heard the same stories many times. But I've noticed the positive stories have become less common and the negative stories more prominent. This poor woman is suffering currently from ill health physically and mentally. It pains me to watch her go through this. But through it all, I have seen a bitterness and resentment about her. She seems very suspicious of even those closest to her and accuses them of some terrible things. Looking back, I can see a bitter undercurrent through all those years. It was always present; but it has fermented with age, permeating more and more of her life.

Please don't get me wrong, I do know many very sweet elderly people who seem each year to become more cheerful and content. They are the type of people who make you comfortable and happy when you're with them. They have aged happily. But I don't believe that age gave them that. They were always striving to be joyful and time embedded that attempt into a habit. I once heard a wise man say, "Be careful, for your thoughts become your actions; your actions become your habits; your habits become your attitude; and your attitude becomes your destiny." Age does not bring happiness. It brings about the fruition of years of thoughts, actions, habits, and attitudes.

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