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Should children open birthday presents in front of their guests?
Results so far:
| Yes | 77% | 324 votes | Total: 421 votes | |
| No | 23% | 97 votes |
Yes
by Hannah Russell
Created on: May 08, 2010
"Childhood Birthday Presents: Practicing a Cherished Social Ritual"
Birthday parties—we all remember them. The joy and feeling of acceptance when you received that invitation. The child-like glee when your parents said that you could go to the party. My favorite part as a child was when my mother took me to the store, a small amount of money allotted to me, so that I could pick out a birthday present for them. I walked up and down the aisles of the department store, asking myself what my friend would like best. When I saw something that I thought they might like, I imagined to myself what my friend would say after opening it up. When my imagination envisioned just the right response, I knew that that was the present for my friend.
I lovingly took these presents home, wrapped them in just the right paper, put on a matching bow made of curling ribbon and waited. When the day of the party arrived, I went and enjoyed the party activities, but my favorite part was when my present was opened. I wanted to see their happiness. I wanted to see if I had guessed correctly that they would like my present. It was the most anticipated part of the whole party.
Why was this the most anticipated part? Firstly, because when I saw my gift accepted by the friend, I felt accepted. Secondly, I, like most children, was told that it is better to give than receive. When I saw my friends open their presents and saw their joy for the present, I really believed it.
How are we to expect that our children will understand that giving is better than receiving, if they never seen the receiving? How are we to expect that our children will believe us when we tell them that? Part of growing up is learning about social customs, such as gift giving. Gift giving is essential to our culture. We give gifts on birthdays, holidays and at weddings. We give gifts when new babies are born, we are leaving, someone else is leaving. We give gifts when saying thank-you, sorry, or just because we want to express affection. How can we possibly expect children to learn the proper way to give gifts, accept gifts and react once the gift is accepted, if we make the giving and receiving of gifts a private affair?
Sure, the child receiving has benefits as well. The child receiving has learned to express gratitude to their friends. They have learned the proper way to accept the gift. They have learned the proper way to react, and learned that even if there was a gift that they did not particularly want, they still need to thank their friend for the thought. But the important effect is on the giving child. When a child sees their friend open that gift that they picked out, especially for them, they are learning several important things. The child is learning that they have brought happiness to another person. The child is learning about the social rules that surround gift giving and gift receiving. And the child is learning that when we told them that giving really is better than receiving, we were not lying. Children believe adults. But they do not really internalize what adults tell them, until they have some personal experience that backs it up. If a child does not open gifts in front of their friends, those friends are not learning that.
Learn more about this author, Hannah Russell.
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No
by Lokemun Magar
Created on: June 10, 2010
Should children open their birthday presents in front of their guests? Bearing in mind the temperamental state of most children, the answer is a definite no.
Birthday parties are often organised in the name of the birthday child. Depending on his age, the birthday child may not even realise that he is centre stage. A toddler, for example, associates birthdays with birthday cakes, presents he will get, and a happy atmosphere that can turn out tense when he misses his afternoon nap, guests arrive late and go googoo-gaagaa, calling him the birthday boy instead of his familiar name, patting parts of his sensitive head, and pinching his cheeks.
Unless his mother has no feelings for his discomfort, she would probably be as highly strung when the candle warmers dry up and the food goes cold, and a distant cousin of her son climbs up her precious bed and jumps up and down it, although she distinctively remembers locking the door. At the suggestion of a well-meaning friend to have the cake-cutting soon, an indication that the party is coming to an end, she pushes out the ice-cream cake that thankfully has not melted on a trolley.
Unfortunately, someone shouts, "Open the presents!" once the candles have been snuffed out, and the birthday boy's father is nowhere in sight. She looks helplessly around for someone to help her dish out the cake, but she is pushed towards the pile of presents that are lying on the floor. The ice cream cake starts to sag a little. You try to get your older son to fetch your husband, but your older son is equally excited over all the presents that he assumes he has a share in.
Imagine the pandemonium that pursues when your older son tries to help his little brother open the presents, and everyone else joins in. At this point, the mother can either shove her bawling son to the ground into his older brother's lap, while she goes to tend to the melting cake, or announce that the presents should remain untouched and make herself more unpopular with the crowd.
If you have read up to this paragraph, you are probably thinking that is the most exaggerated scenario that can happen, as YOU would never have allowed it to happen. Think again, how many party plans have gone awry because of the possibility of impossibilities, and we would have learnt from past disasters. Unless the birthday child's parents are regimental and command the respect and attention of every guest and their children, part of the party would have gone amok and there would be some chaos when the birthday child opens his presents.
Consider then, the following reasons for not having children open their presents in front of their guests:
1. Unpredictability of reactions.
Adults may be able to mask their disappointment in getting something they do not want or not getting anything that they want. Is it, however, ethical to train children to feign happiness or mask their disappointment over their presents?
2. DIiffering value systems.
Children may receive something a friend might have painstakingly put a lot of effort into making but they cannot make out what it is. It may also not be something to their taste. How would that friend feel if their gift is being made fum of in front of the other guests?
3. Responses of other children.
Children will tend to envy others who appear to have a better deal in life. They may start asking their parents to give them a party that their friends have, feel small about their gifts to their friend when other children laugh at them, and perhaps be alienated by the sheer force of peer pressure.
4. Dealing with disappointment.
What happens if the children do not get a single present they would have liked? Would they be able to hide their disapointed in front of their guests? Would they throw a tantrum in front of the guests as they know they are in the limelight, being the birthday child? Will they comment that Aunt Mary is so stingy, for giving a cash gift of only ten dollars? Are they going to lament over getting two identical Barbie Dolls in front of the guests?
Learn more about this author, Lokemun Magar.
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