Parenting & Pregnancy >
Parenting Styles (Other)
Get a Widget for this title
RSS Feed
Is it responsible for a parent to let a 12-year-old child ride the NYC subway alone?
Is it responsible for a parent to let a 12-year-old child ride the NYC subway alone?
Title endorsed in part by:
Results so far:
| Yes | 33% | 129 votes | Total: 386 votes | |
| No | 67% | 257 votes |
Yes
Write now
Print
Invite a writer™
Add to FavoritesThe question at had is "Is it responsible for a parent to let a 12-year-old child ride the NYC subway alone?"
Honestly, I don't understand why this is even controversial. There is no rational reason to suggest that letting a twelve year old ride the subway in New York is categorically irresponsible. In fact, if the child is not able to ride the subway by the age of twelve safely, this suggests in my mind either developmental problems in the child or severe flaws in the parenting.
To be sure, parents like myself have many worries about leaving children outside our immediate supervision. However, learning to be responsible in an adult world is an important aspect of childhood, and children who do not learn these things when they are reasonably fearless will be handicapped in learning them later. Certainly, too, there are many parts of the world where I would not let a child travel alone on public transit. However allowing children to become more independent and face acceptable risks themselves is helpful, provided the risks are, of course, acceptable.
So the first question is whether the risk is acceptable. In my view, such an approach should begin by looking at the major concerns, and use statistics to see if the risk is acceptable.
The first concern is that the child might be abducted and be the victim of a crime. However, according to Christopher Beam, writing on Slate (article dated January 17, 2007), although 800,000 missing persons cases are filed for children every year in the US, very few of these turn out to be stereotypical kidnappings. Most are cases where the child may walk away unsupervised, runaways, and so forth. Additionally, around 200,000 of these are family abductions, and only 115 cases per year are stereotypical child abductions (the rest of the abductions most likely involve closer contact with the victim and family members). To put this in perspective, nearly twelve thousand children are killed in car accidents every year. Yet, although nearly a hundred times more children are killed while riding in a car every year, nobody thinks twice about driving to the store with the kid in the car. Stereotypical child abductions, while they do happen, are sufficiently rare to be discounted as a real risk.
A more major concern though is that the child might get lost, leading to further problems, traumatic experiences, and so forth. This is a more reasonable concern in that it is hard to quantify how big the risks are. Furthermore nobody doubts that letting an unprepared child of any age ride the subway alone is a bad idea. However, the risk of getting lost can be both substantially reduced and mitigated. While I think that parents who don't make efforts to reduce and mitigate this risk are irresponsible, that is a separate question. At very least, children should demonstrate an ability to navigate the subway system, and should know how to contact the parents if there is a problem. At the same time, I don't see why a child as young as six, seven, or eight who demonstrates these things couldn't safely ride the subway provided the risk is also mitigated by having a means to contact the parents. Such a means might include a cell phone, money for a pay phone, knowing who to ask for help (such as law enforcement officers and transit authority staff), and so forth. The specific approach to mitigating this risk will be up for the parent to decide.
Certainly I think that it is possible to irresponsibly allow a child of the age of twelve to ride the subway alone, but I think it is also quite possible to allow children that age or even much younger to ride the subway alone responsibly, provided that the child is properly prepared for the experience. I would expect that properly prepared children would be less at risk in riding the subway than they would be riding in their parents' car (a risk almost everyone believes to be acceptable).
We shouldn't rob our children of independance because of our own insecuries or delusions. Instead we should take a sober look at risks as they appear, determine if the risks are acceptable, and approach them appropriately. While children shouldn't be insulated from all of life's risks, they can and should be encouraged to face them after being properly prepared.
Learn more about this author, Chris Travers.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.
No
Our children are precious gifts from God for us as parents to protect, guard, guide and love. I have traveled the NYC subways and frankly, I wouldn't travel alone. It is not out of fear but common sense and wisdom. Women and children are at higher risk for crime and danger. Some would say maybe the twelve year old is mature enough to handle this subway trip. Honestly speaking, how mature can a child who has only been in the world twelve years truly be to handle certain situations that might arise. Furthermore, maturity has nothing to do with safety, security and protection. Some of the most mature, physically able adults become victims in vulnerable places and times.
Mature or not; children are always at greater risk. This is why buddy systems are implemented within school systems and community events. Even if they were mature enough and wanted to ride the subway alone; assure your child it is for their safety that they not do this on their own and it is always best to travel with an adult. Again, people are abducted everyday and age is not a factor. Placing an innocent child at risk like this is not responsible at all. Those who feel this is a responsible act should reconsider the risk they place on their child. I understand giving our children "a certain independence" but the independence must be age appropriate independence. Going to a school game with a friend, or walking the mall at a distance from mom and dad etc. are a couple of suggestions but traveling a subway alone just doesnt make good common sense.
It would be terribly irresponsible for a parent to allow their child to travel a New York City subway or any public transportation alone at this vulnerable age. Children do travel on airplanes alone but are under supervision boarding the plane, while in flight and must have someone waiting for them to depart from the aircraft. It would cause me great concern if I was on the same subway train and saw a 12 year old. I would probably check to see if the child was okay. I might even think they were running away or running from something or someone. This is an inappropriate age to be traveling without a guardian or parent.
This borders child neglect in my opinion. There isn't a logical reason for the child to even have to travel in this capacity. Studies continue to reveal how our parenting styles affect our children. A parent who would allow a child to travel on a subway at this age is parenting with a style of permissive parenting where a parent simply allows the child to pretty much do as they please. This child at some point in their life will wonder if they were loved due to the lack of supervision, boundaries and rules they never received.
Yes, kids can stay home alone in many states at this age but they are also in the confines and safety of their own home. Even this is borderline safe. Staying home alone at twelve also depends on the maturity of that twelve year old. But then, on the other hand we have latch key kids who are left home due to working parents being gone from the home who are finding trouble within the home as well via the Internet, violent video games, television programming, and household products that young kids today are experimenting with that is considered sniffing or huffing; especially when left unsupervised.
Allowing a child at this age to travel on the NYC subway is dangerous and unsettling. As parents we must allow our kids certain liberties but within certain boundaries where there are chaperone's or there is some kind of supervision for your child. The vulnerability this places on the child traveling in this method is indescribable. There are child predators waiting for these opportunities. Don't put your child at this risk. Let our kids be kids; they will have plenty of time to make decisions at a more mature state of mind as adults.
It is worth remembering that the human brain is not fully developed until the age of 25; so even if your twelve year old convinces you this is what they want to do and you feel they are "mature" enough to handle it; please remember they are basing their decision with a mind that is not quite physically developed in the rationalization and decision making part of the brain (the executive functioning).
Learn more about this author, Jeannette Rodgers.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.
Difference of opinion? Debate now.
