Relationships & Family >
Marital Conflicts
Get a Widget for this title
RSS FeedInterfaith marriages are doomed to fail
Results so far:
| Agree | 34% | 28 votes | Total: 83 votes | |
| Disagree | 66% | 55 votes |
Agree
Write now
Print
Invite a writer™
Add to FavoritesFaith is undeniable. It is what gives people a reason to get up in the morning and a reason to keep going when things get tough. Faith is undeniable and undebatable. It is how people define truth.
When a couple gets together they do it on the assumption that they have enough in common to overcome any obstacle. Unfortunately, many rush into marriage before fully understanding where each other's faiths don't mesh. People just assume that common sense is common. They don't think about how much common sense is predetermined by their faith.
No matter how easy going a person may be, we all believe in something. At the heart of it, the things that truly matter to us are not up for debate. People die for their ideals. They kill for them. They certainly won't sacrifice them and forgive the person that forced their surrender. Not for long. Eventually, everybody finds a way to take back whatever cost too much to part with.
Usually, it isn't a problem until children come into the picture. You see, until then even if people share a life they are able to keep their souls to themselves. Some things never really come up the way they do when you have to decide how to spiritually guide your child. The child is equally yours and that of a person with a different set of beliefs.
No matter how liberal a parent may be, just about everybody envisions themselves with the right to pass on their own ideals. We look forward to it. We cherish the right. What happens, then, when you have to share that vision with somebody that doesn't understand, appreciate, or approve of your teachings?
It can be argued that the purpose of life is life itself. There is no other reason to exists but, to continue human existence and to aid the ability of others to procreate. For those that do not procreate they fall into two categories: Population control and Sustainability. Really, these are the same thing from different points on the same spectrum. But, this is something to be explained in depth at a different time. Let it suffice to say that two people who choose to raise a child from two diametrically opposing view points are neither sustaining society nor controlling its population growth. They are, in actually defeating the purpose of life by removing their children's ability to easily define a reason for being. At best, they are making it unnecessarily difficult for them.
Let us clarify the point. Unions of Jews and Catholics or other Christians don't count. Both come from basically the same system that reached a fork in the road about two thousand and ten years ago. Still, there is enough in common to make adjustments for the sins of their ancestors. The problem is more prevalent where the two faiths are so different that their very view of humanity is at odds with each other.
In fact, this is the point. A person's faith defines their view of humanity. If two people cannot agree on their most basic assertions, what hope can there be for the long term survival of their union?
Learn more about this author, Freyda Tartak.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.
Disagree
It is certainly true that marrying outside one's chosen faith will bring some unique challenges. One must negotiate such issues as holidays, symbols and outward signs of faith, prayer time, involvement in faith-based organizations and tactics of conversion. While this adds an extra challenge to the relationship, it can also create an understanding of different faiths, permit people to find commonalities between faiths and develop healthy communication skills.
In order for these types of marriages to be successful, the couple must be honest about their practices of faith and their expectations about practicing that faith. It is essential for each person to reflect on what they believe, why they believe it and decide how strong that belief is. If one person is not strong in their faith, then their partner might think that they won't mind slowly being converted. The marriage is doomed if one person hopes to convert their spouse to their own faith. This is manipulative and disrespectful. Of course, you can pray for the other person's understanding, but the conversion can not come from you because it will seem manipulative. The best a partner can do is to stay strong in their own faith and interact with their spouse with love and kindness.
You also must set boundaries about what you will and won't accept in your house. One should not marry a Christian if they are opposed to gospel music in the house. If one has a strong dislike for the Buddha statue to be displayed in the house, then, they will have a difficult time as a spouse of a Buddhist. Observed rules and practices should be discussed.
It is important to decide upon the things that you will do out of respect for the other faith and where you will draw the line. How might you handle prohibited foods and drinks, worldly music, dancing, money matters and dress? It is also important to find out what mandates are dictated through the faith about marriage and the role of each partner. You should discuss with your partner the differences and similarities in religions and try to come to a compromise.
Some families celebrate all holidays. Other families celebrate no holidays, except those that have nothing to do with faith. The choice lies with you and your partner. However, there is usually a way to combine both faiths in a holiday celebration. Decide ahead of time what part you will play in your partner's holiday celebration and what part your partner feels comfortable playing in yours. Discuss these roles honestly. It is important to support your partner in his/her faith, yet, not compromise your own. Will you pray with your partner? Will you attend any services? Will you read the Holy book that they believe in an effort to provide encouragement when necessary? Will you participate in their celebrations and rituals? These are all questions that couples should ask themselves before marrying.
There are going to be people who object. This is unpleasant, but unfortunately, it is unavoidable. Can you handle these objections? What will you say when they surface? It is also important to have supportive family, if possible and some neutral friends. Of course, both partners will have friends of their own faith. They will need to continue to interact within their own faith community. However, it is also important to have mutual friends who support you both.
These are just some of the topics to discuss when deciding on an interfaith marriage. Of course, it is more challenging, but with forethought, respect, compromise and good communication skills, it is likely to be successful.
Learn more about this author, Jan Wright.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.
Difference of opinion? Debate now.
