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RSS FeedGood relationship with in-laws has a positive impact on marital life
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| Agree | 94% | 187 votes | Total: 200 votes | |
| Disagree | 6% | 13 votes |
Agree
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Add to FavoritesIt is possible for a marriage to work without getting on with your in-laws, but marriage is hard enough to make work without complications, problems or arguments, without having problems with the parents of your spouse. Getting on with your in-laws, even if you do not particularly like them or agree with most of what they say, helps your marriage a great deal. Your partner does not feel like they have to defend their parents to you, or you to their parents, or take sides when there is a disagreement. Your partner loves their family and loves you too, so meetings and discussions which are harmonious keep situations calm and happy.
When you get married, you are taking on a new partner but you are also taking on his family. There will be times you have to spend time with your partner's family, but so much nicer if you enjoy it too. There is nothing worse than dreading a weekend or Christmas with in-laws. Think of how much nicer it would be for you to look forward to those short holidays with them, rather than dread them.
But there is another very important reason to make sure you get on with them. It shows respect for your partner. It shows them that the people who matter to them matter to you too. It also shows that you are willing to make an effort in order to please them. If you argue with your partner's family, you are causing them sadness and making their life unhappy. You would also be putting them in the middle of a conflict situation where they feel torn and have to choose between their parent or their spouse. It is up to you to be mature and not put them in this predicament.
By being very reasonable with your in-laws, even if they make it difficult and can be nasty or picky at times, you are showing that you are the grown up. This makes it easier for your spouse to see things from your point of view and disregard anything they say or think.
Nobody is saying you must like your partner's parents, but you should make an effort to get on with them. Be pleasant to them, avoid arguments with them. You may well find that there are things about them you like. Remember that they love your partner. You have that one big thing in common. They love your partner and you love your partner. You have your partner's best interests at heart. So work at making your partner's life happy by keeping things peaceful and calm. There may well be times that your partner is fed up with their parents and argues with them, you may or may not agree with your partner, but if and when this happens take your partner's side without criticising the parents. If you say anything horrible against them, they will forever remember it and maybe hold it against you one day.
Learn more about this author, Carmel Brulez.
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Disagree
It is best to maintain a respectful distance from his in-laws and her in-laws. Believe me, there is no better advice anybody can give.
Take it from a couple that has been married for over fifty years to the same each other. They have stayed married that long not only because they have not been that close to their in-laws but also because they have managed to keep their in-laws in the dark about missteps in their marriage. So, believe it when we say that we chose to agree on this important matter concerning in-laws. Understanding this caveat is important. Good relationships with one's in-laws do not include their knowing all of a couple's business. Put your secrets in a lock box and keep them there.
Good relationships with in-laws have a positive impact on marital life say married couples with positive relationships with in-laws on both or either side of the marriage where they exist. Nowadays, it is increasingly difficult to have a partner whose parents are still married to the same person. For in-laws who are older, around 60 years of age, one table suggests that the divorce rate is about 33%.
On the other hand, poor relationships with in-laws or with one pair or another of in-laws if they are still married, or dating, or single might have a negative impact on marital life.
It is downright rude of in-laws not to stay married. They must stay married until such a time when all of their children are married and out of the household. Afterwards, it would not make much difference what one or the other does, it would still be possible to have a positive relationship with either or both or with all of the new persons in either one's life.
Good relationships with in-laws that are too close to the married couple or to either party in the marriage is not likely to last. So whether in-laws have good or poor relationships with their married children and visa-versa is of no consequence for the long term. A solid marriage, one that does not depend on any outside determiner for what that relationship ought to be is far better without the meddling of friends or in-laws.
In nearly all cases, it is best for a young married couple to keep their distance so that the in-laws have as little information about their own on-going relationship. Over time, it is guaranteed that there will be serious repercussions from one set of actions or responses to the other's actions and responses when challenged. Distance from in-laws then is the safety net around the separate and interdependent lives of every young couple. That is not to say that if there is abuse or threats that one should not speak out. By all means, take all necessary measures to protect yourself from harm.
Husband and wife ought to keep their lives separate from those of in-laws. Do enjoy good relations with in-laws who reciprocate. Forget those who for whatever reason are not your friends. Don't ever sacrifice your marriage on the altar of the love you have for mom or dad if either is the problem in a relationship. Let it go. If you do, you are wiser and your marriage will be stronger for it.
Learn more about this author, Gerard Coulombe.
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