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Good relationship with in-laws has a positive impact on marital life
Results so far:
| Agree | 92% | 487 votes | Total: 527 votes | |
| Disagree | 8% | 40 votes |
Agree
by Jennifer Wells
Created on: December 05, 2010
My in-laws are wonderful people; easy to get to know, and easier to love. We were first introduced about two weeks after my husband and I met, two weeks before he proposed!
The twenty-seven days from meeting to engagement were short, I grant you, but the year between then and our wedding was fruitfully spent, and we have been married for over eight years since. Having a great relationship with our in-laws, he with his and me with mine has been part of that.
A positive in-law relationship impacts the marital relationship in three ways: directly, indirectly and for the duration.
One direct impact of positive in-law relationships on our marriage is the lasting quality both sets of in-laws have displayed. Each set has been married well over 30 years and still gets along well together; seeing that lasting relationship has a direct influence on our wish to really mean the part of our vows that states “’til death do us part”.
Another direct impact is that we both still welcome and frequently ask for the advice of either set of in-laws. We study in God’s Word, talk openly with each other and, should we still have a question, ask one set of parents or the other what their opinion is. Both sets are very giving, and neither tries to overstep the boundaries of our marriage; only offering opinions when asked. Any other advice given is infrequent and in the form of a helpful but not conditional suggestion.
The in-law relationship directly affects our marriage in another positive way; our home and theirs are all stable environments for children. There is no concern that Grandma might down-talk Granna, or the reverse. There is no worry that Papa might tell the little one that Daddy did or said x, y, z, because Papa loves Daddy like a son in the same way that Grandpa loves Mommy like a daughter. The direct effects of this good relationship are family unity and harmony, a chance for long term close-knit ties, and an example for future relationships.
Having a positive in-law relationship affects our family indirectly too. There is a sense of support and community in loving, living and child-rearing that could otherwise be missing. Both sets of parents have shown confidence in both children in all facets of life. We do not feel undermined or nervous. Quite the opposite, we have both been blessed with a great degree of confidence that helps us to parent, manage finances, and tend our own continuously growing relationship without stress or second-guessing. There have been rough times, but thanks to the love and support around us and between us, they were rough times walked through together. Trials were faced as a team, traumas with the bracing hands of support so many couples today are missing.
The best part of the positive in-law relationship as it pertains to our marriage is the duration. These relationships with one another’s parents are not something we had to forge through fire, but they are valuable enough we’d fight the world first to keep them intact. The strength of the relationship between me and my in-loves, as I call them, is not something I would throw away on a whim or an imagined slight; my husband feels the same way. We do not have 'his' parents and 'my' parents. We simply have parents.
The world is a scary place, and there are couples who do not have the vantage of having support of their parents and their in-laws, but for the newlyweds and the engaged or single people still out there I would always make the case that a good relationship with your spouse’s parents is worth the effort, whatever it may be. Not only is in-law opposition an ugly and potentially devastating thing, the reverse of it, the good relationship, is a life-time benefit to your marriage, your home, your children and the rest of your life.
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Disagree
by Gerard Coulombe
Created on: June 24, 2009
It is best to maintain a respectful distance from his in-laws and her in-laws. Believe me, there is no better advice anybody can give.
Take it from a couple that has been married for over fifty years to the same each other. They have stayed married that long not only because they have not been that close to their in-laws but also because they have managed to keep their in-laws in the dark about missteps in their marriage. So, believe it when we say that we chose to agree on this important matter concerning in-laws. Understanding this caveat is important. Good relationships with one's in-laws do not include their knowing all of a couple's business. Put your secrets in a lock box and keep them there.
Good relationships with in-laws have a positive impact on marital life say married couples with positive relationships with in-laws on both or either side of the marriage where they exist. Nowadays, it is increasingly difficult to have a partner whose parents are still married to the same person. For in-laws who are older, around 60 years of age, one table suggests that the divorce rate is about 33%.
On the other hand, poor relationships with in-laws or with one pair or another of in-laws if they are still married, or dating, or single might have a negative impact on marital life.
It is downright rude of in-laws not to stay married. They must stay married until such a time when all of their children are married and out of the household. Afterwards, it would not make much difference what one or the other does, it would still be possible to have a positive relationship with either or both or with all of the new persons in either one's life.
Good relationships with in-laws that are too close to the married couple or to either party in the marriage is not likely to last. So whether in-laws have good or poor relationships with their married children and visa-versa is of no consequence for the long term. A solid marriage, one that does not depend on any outside determiner for what that relationship ought to be is far better without the meddling of friends or in-laws.
In nearly all cases, it is best for a young married couple to keep their distance so that the in-laws have as little information about their own on-going relationship. Over time, it is guaranteed that there will be serious repercussions from one set of actions or responses to the other's actions and responses when challenged. Distance from in-laws then is the safety net around the separate and interdependent lives of every young couple. That is not to say that if there is abuse or threats that one should not speak out. By all means, take all necessary measures to protect yourself from harm.
Husband and wife ought to keep their lives separate from those of in-laws. Do enjoy good relations with in-laws who reciprocate. Forget those who for whatever reason are not your friends. Don't ever sacrifice your marriage on the altar of the love you have for mom or dad if either is the problem in a relationship. Let it go. If you do, you are wiser and your marriage will be stronger for it.
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