No

by Gerard Coulombe

Created on: June 20, 2009   Last Updated: June 21, 2009

Should you give an answer to a marriage proposal immediately? Even though you have long waited for just this moment when he would weaken and make his move, there is always the probability that he knows something you don't. As much as it might be tempting, very tempting, indeed, to jump into marriage by saying, teary eyed with joy, bells ringing, timpani reverberating in your ears, which you will find distracting to no end, it is best to convert a possible disaster into a cautionary tale by saying, dewy eyed, "I would love to, but let me think about it."

He might say, "Take your time, dear," when he really wonders what you are up to, or he may feel relieved that the pressure he felt was not altogether as strong as he thought all along. He might feel lucky which is better than the panic he was ready to overcome had you accepted his proposal.

"Oh, my God! She said, yes. Yes!" And the engine of despair starts working as he takes in all that he had never really bargained for. Things were, well, shall we say, All right as they were before she foolishly leaped into this, ahem, mess.

So there you are. If you do not wish to set yourself up with the opposite view, give your "Yes!" answer with as much candor as you can muster at that moment. However, yes is not always absolute. One might say, "Yes!" conditionally.

You could always say, for example, "I want to say, yes, but I really want to think about it some more. This is so unexpected. You do understand, don't you?" You will know at this moment if he is a gentleman or a bundle of narcissistic problems. If it's the latter, back up, turn for the door and exit as quickly as you can muster the energy. If you go ahead with this one, you will rue the day for a very long time.

Allow this much. There are men, and there are men. Some will stay with you; others are like those Mexican jumping beans. One jump and they are gone. And like those beans, they keep on jumping from marriage to marriage. There's something inside these men that makes them do it.

Proposal etiquette clearly states that a girl has the prerogative of rejecting a proposal or saying truthfully, if she has reservations, old or newly conceived, that there is the possibility of a temporary or permanent impediment to her acceptance of the marriage proposal. It is the proposer of marriage who is obliged to consider the possibility of rejection or postponement as definite or open to further consideration after future close examination of the reasons for or against her accepting without bringing undue pressure upon the candidate.

Whatever you do, consider the knowledge you already possess about marriage, its obligations, and long term commitments through thick or thin as they say. Your knowledge of him cannot be blind or besotted.

Think of it as buying for yourself a beautiful, expensive gift that's supposed to keep on giving. Buying is meant to convey a gift that you will want to keep forever, not until he starts wearing thin. Precious is meant to convey a love above all others under heaven, Expensive is meant to express that you will never want to compromise how you value the gift you will take into your life as he takes you into his life.

The choice is yours. If you are not done with your research and you think there is reason for delay. Say so. What he does next will be a significant measure of the man who has already been a valued partner in your life so far? In short, whatever you do, it has been your right all along to accept or refuse a proposal of marriage with dignity.

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