No

by Carol Hicks

Created on: April 23, 2011

Although it is a nice idea and may work for some, overall, divorce mediation probably will not accomplish what the participants are hoping to accomplish.  There are some important factors that simply seem to guarantee that mediation is not likely to be a success.

First, let's talk about what divorcing couples typically expect mediation to accomplish.  The first, and probably most important, goal is to try to remove some of the acrimony from the negotiations that are part of the divorce process.  This is a tough one, for sure, because no matter how hard a divorcing couple may try to avoid the hostility, bitterness or animosity that can arise as they go through the process of dividing up property, splitting the bills and determining who is going to spend which holiday with the kids, these things tend to creep in at some point.  After all, we're talking about the breakdown of a relationship, right?  This process isn't fun.  So it's only natural that, at some point, even the most well-intentioned divorcing couples will probably become adversaries and when they do it's amazing how quickly situations will deteriorate as hidden resentments boil to the surface.  At that point, the hope is that a skilled mediator will be able to help bring the temperature down so that rational negotiating can begin again.  Although that can happen, it does take a skilled mediator to successfully move the parties back to center again and it isn't a given that even a good mediator will be successful in getting the mediation back on track.  If he can't then the session will likely fall apart and the mediation will definitely not be successful.

Now let's talk about agreements made in mediation.  Most mediation sessions are scheduled to last for approximately two hours.  If you are in the hands of a skilled mediator you can make a lot of progress in that amount of time reaching agreements on dividing up property, assessing your assets and liabilities and deciding on which parent will spend which holidays with the kids.  In some cases, the mediator may actually end up being able to come up with a complete set of divorce documents and you may think you're done.  Just go into court and present your agreement to the judge for his or her approval.  Successful mediation, right?  Not so fast.  There's a catch.  All those things that you worked so hard to accomplish while you were in the room with the mediator are not necessarily binding once you leave that room.  So if your soon-to-be-ex spouse has a change of heart after sleeping on it, you're out of luck and may either be facing another round of negotiations to re-work any number of the issues that you thought had already been resolved or you may be all the way back to square one.  Either way, if that happens you are certainly not going to consider that mediation session nearly the success you initially thought it was!

Finally, let's look at the kinds of couples who generally are referred to mediation.  By and large, it is the couples who have already established that they are not going to agree on anything - no matter how small the issue - who are advised by their attorneys (or ordered by the court) to attend mediation.  Most of the time these couples are miles apart on every issue and at least one of them is trying to exact some kind of revenge through the divorce process.  And, most of the time, there isn't even the illusion of an agreement at the end of the mediation session.  Just two parties who are still angry, still hostile and now even more bitter because mediation is not cheap and now they've had to spend their time and good money on a process in which they had no faith in the first place.

So, although mediation is a great idea and has the potential to be successful, let's just say that the same is true of mediation as is true with most things - the greatest chance of having a successful mediation is when you're dealing with people who are reasonable, mature and, most importantly, interested in making the mediation a success.  And, frankly, if both parties are being that reasonable in the first place, mediation shouldn't even be necessary, should it?

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