Are stay at home moms under pressure to return to work?

Yes

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by Linda S. Watts

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One of the most unappreciated career choices is being a stay at home mom. Yes, I said career choices. Being a stay at home mom is multiple full-time jobs rolled into one. Most people believe that stay at home moms (SAHMs) have it made in the shade so to speak. I am always amazed at how many people think we have an abundant amount of time on our hands. In fact, I don't know how many friends and family have called me up asking me to do something at a drop of the hat. As if I don't already have a large list of things to do.

Many people perceive stay at home moms as couch potatoes watching soap operas all day or sitting at the computer goofing off. This isn't always the case. Most stay at home moms do most if not all the cooking, the cleaning, providing taxi service to the kids, the budget, the laundry, and so much more. In fact, stay at home moms are constantly moving and on most days realizing there just isn't enough hours in the day to accomplish everything. Even though being a SAHM has its challenges, it still has its many rewards.

I have talked with other stay at home moms regarding how they feel we are perceived by society today. We all agreed that when someone asks us what we do for a living and we respond that we are a stay at home mom, we generally get a response that has a hint of disapproving judgment to it. We also realized that if we tell people that we are work at home moms (WAHMs) then we are given a better, more approving response. It's as if we have to be earning some sort of income to be a person of value. Most stay at home moms know that our job -paid or not-is one of the most important jobs in the world. However, it does bother some of us that other people are not as accepting.

How other's perceive stay at home moms isn't the only issue. Many households are faced with the decision of whether they can afford for the mother to stay at home to raise their children and care for the home. In today's economy it generally takes two incomes just to survive. Many households struggle to pay bills, and give the kids things they need and ask for on one income. In today's world, everything has a price tag it seems.

Sometimes stay at home moms put pressure on themselves to return to work. Many moms had a career before having kids and decided to put their career on hold to raise a family. There are a few stay at home moms that feel guilty about doing this. They may contemplate the difficulties in returning to work at a later time because many employers do not like gaps in employment. There is also the issue of whether there will be a job available in their field at all.

There are other factors to consider regarding why some moms become stay at home moms to begin with. The rising cost of child care is astounding. I have a friend that does work outside the home, but wonders if being a stay at home mom would be better in the long run. Her salary covers mostly gas to get to and from work and to pay for child care for her two girls so that she may actually work outside the home. She doesn't have that much money left over at the end of the month to distribute in other places. It is like she is working just for child care and getting to work when she could be at home raising her girls full time.

Remember how I mentioned earlier that stay at home moms are sometimes unappreciated? Some of us put pressure on ourselves. Many times we strive to be the supermom type and feel disappointed in ourselves when we haven't accomplished everything we need to do in a day. A few of us second guess our decision to stay home, thinking we weren't cut out to be a stay at home mom and struggle with the idea of returning to the workforce.

Even our family can put pressure on us to return to work. Many husbands are supportive but there are a few that tend to put us on the defensive, whether they intended to or not. It isn't just husbands either; it can be in-laws and extended family. Questions with condescending tones such as, "So what DID you do all day" doesn't help the situation. Family members can be more brutal than our peers.

You will always find family and/or peers that think they know what's best for your child more than you do. They may bring up how Sally needs to be in a day care to gain better social skills and foundations for school. What they fail to realize is as a stay at home mom, you have more freedom to schedule play-dates and trips to the public park where other children play. Most cases we even work with our children learning their alphabet, numbers, shapes, colors, and more before they get to school age. Day care isn't the only place to find social interaction and learning.

My advice to all mothers is not to worry with what others think. Before you decide to return to work, be sure to weigh all of the pros and cons. Make a physical list of what you don't like about being a stay at home mom, what you like about being a stay at home mom, and what you LOVE about being a stay at home mom. Next, make a list of the benefits to returning to work as well as the downsides to returning to work. After you have made your lists, discuss the issue with your spouse. Ask his opinions about the subject. Ask him to make his own list of pros and cons. Only the two of you can decide what is best for you and your children. It is okay to seek the advice of friends and family, but it is a decision you and your spouse must make together on whether you should return to work or not. If being a stay at home mom works for you and your immediate family, don't pay the pressures of returning to work outside the home any attention.

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