Yes

by Daniel Coffman

Created on: September 04, 2008

The act of gift-giving is meant to be an act of love and respect. By bestowing a token or much-anticipated item upon someone should show that person how much you care about them and what they mean to you. Of course, one can give a "gag" gift, something humorous or even ribald. There's nothing wrong with that, if it makes everyone laugh. But, if the "gag" mocks a person for their age, the joke is not meant to be shared by everyone. It is at someone's expense. Unfortunately, that person is the one that was supposed to be lauded, on their special day.

I'm sure one could argue that giving gag gifts that poke fun at the recipient's age are harmless. I've witnessed it myself. Invariably, though, the person receiving the gift is hurt and insulted. And each time, the thoughtless giver accused their victim of being "too sensitive". But be honest, is it ever really funny to mock someone's age? Why even give such a gift if it would have no effect?

I contend that the only intention of giving a gift that mocks someone's age IS to insult them. As I come closer and closer to the "Big 4-0", I find myself growing more sensitive about my age. Getting older is never any fun. Every year, you are one day closer to your last. Sure, that's morbid; but someone who is twenty or even thirty has little reason to think about it that way. In my family, on both my mother's and father's side, the men rarely lived past 55. That's barely over 15 years from now. When I hit 40, how do you think I would feel being surrounded by those tacky black balloons, or being presented with a cake in the shape of a gravestone? (I've been witness to both of these, and the result is never funny or pretty.)

If someone were handicapped in some way -say blind, deaf or perhaps parapalegic- we wouldn't find it socially acceptable to give him a gift that made fun of their condition, would we? For some reason, there are people out there who find this sort of tasteless thing hilarious. You know who you are. You love shows like Fear Factor and Jerry Springer, which allow you to laugh at those wallowing in misery. No, growing older isn't the same as being handicapped. But, they are both an issue that can cause great sensitivity and hurt feelings. Growing older exposes you to your own infirmities and weaknesses. Your skin droops, sags and wrinkles. It gets harder and harder to "maintain your figure". Trips to the doctor become more embarassing and frightening. Your energy level lowers, but your blood pressure rises. Commercials you used to laugh about: ones advertising regularity, hemmoroids, and the like, now start to draw your attention.

Growing older surrounded by loved ones can be enriching and joyous. We give gifts to show love and respect. A gift should never hurt or insult. I once watched a friend's father walk out of his surprise 40th birthday party when presented with aforementioned black balloons and gravestone cake, as well as several tasteless age-related "gag" gifts. For the next ten years, I watched this man grow more and more withdrawn and reclusive, often commenting that "half my life is already over". Now, I doubt the thoughtless party favors and gifts resulted in his obvious depression, but its doubtful they helped, either. There are plenty of funny gifts one can give, especially if they rekindle a fond or humorous memory. If you want to give a fun gift, think back to good times the recipient might have experienced. Don't go for the cheap shot.

Just remember, YOU will be old someday, too. When you pause to unwrap that 40th, 50th, 60th or later birthday present, will the wrapping reveal a loving, thoughtful gift? Or will those teens and twentysomethings around you adopt your sense of humor? And just how do you think that statuette of a decrepit old man in a walker will make you feel?

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