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Add to FavoritesThe general opinion is that male cats (toms) are friendlier to people than female cats (queens). However, cats view all rules as something made to be broken. Your experience with cats may differ substantially from any other human being on earth. For every feline expert who will insist that males are the friendlier sex, a female cat will be twining about their legs just to make the expert look bad.
Female cats will often become friendlier when they are pregnant, but after the kittens are weaned, they return to their usual aloof selves.
The Tom Cat's Reputation
How did the tom cat get the reputation for being the friendlier sex? Out in feral situations, tom cats often live alone or with a brother (a litter mate). They are used to having to check things out by themselves. They also are usually bigger and more threatening looking than female cats. A tom has the ego to assume that the whole world will be frightened of him if he gets close, so the world will naturally try to get on his good side.
So, when a strange human comes by, it is a tom who is the one that check this out first, as the human would never dare to mess with him. In this way, when we humans look around, we see tom cats looking back at us and hardly any females. And so, they got the reputation for being the friendlier sex.
But, in the meantime, the female cats are all hiding but watching intently, letting the tom cat be the one foolish enough to discover just how safe the strange human is.
When Domesticated
Domestic cats that are taken care of by people often look at their people as surrogate parents - or at least, the ones who do all of the work. Male cats are happier to let go of all responsibilities while female cats often have a more wary side, still keeping up their moves for self-defense much like a martial arts master working out regularly.
Male cats also beg for attention more than female cats, overall. Female cats usually don't have the insecurity that males do. Most female cats don't need the constant cooing and attention that people can provide, because they are already know they are wonderful and don't need anyone else to tell them that.
Domesticated male cats can also bond strongly with animals of another species or with another male cat. They will sleep with paws touching or forelegs about each other's shoulders. They will often panic if separated for more than a few minutes. This is usually not seen with female cats, although it's not impossible.
When A Female Wants To Be Friends
This writer has lived with cats all of her life and have talked to many cat owners in three countries about their feline friends, both male and female. The conclusion of many was that all cats will become your friends over time. Males will approach you first, while females usually observe you for a few years to see what kind of a character you are. When they do finally offer friendship, it means you have proved that you are worthy of living on the same planet as they are.
Learn more about this author, Rena Sherwood.
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Female
Fierce independence is a natural trait of the feline species. As humans we attach human traits to our pets. Independence, aloofness, that we commonly attribute to males, is therefore projected to the male of any species. Therefore we conclude that male cats are unfriendly. Often when speaking, in general, about a cat, we naturally refer to it as him or he. Our human need to project humanity onto our pets is, obviously, not a science. In fact it is primarily emotional.
Gender does not appear to have an impact on the friendliness of any cat. Currently, this writer's friendliest cat is a female. However, we recently lost one of our long time pet cats, Harley. He was very friendly and affectionate. All of our feline family members have moody moments. Some are manipulative, while others are clearly devious in nature. This can been seen in their eyes.
No! Really, when a cat's eyes are shinny and the size of onyx dinner plates, step away. Slowly, they are about to pounce! Not necessarily in an unfriendly manner. She is just playing, all claws out, with your naked foot!
Obviously there will be times when any cat will have personality issues. When he is not feeling well. When they are not cared for properly, or are mistreated physically. Leading to the point about how a cat becomes friendly or unfriendly.
Friendly or unfriendly demeanors, in cats, or any animal for that manner, are formed partially by the environmental and situational surroundings. Of course they have genetic traits, that only a professional could determine. However, both environment and situation plays more pertinent roles in the temperment your feline friend, then does the gender factor.
Morgan, currently reigning as friendliest feline, in our humble home, keeps to herself most of the day. As do all of our six cats. Cats tend toward daylight napping. However, when my husband comes home she is in his lap and purring. She will sit in anyone's lap, but usually it is in the evening, when she comes out of hiding. Morgan naturally favors my husband. Her demeanor is quiet and polite. She rarely has confrontations with her feline housemates, and is always pleasant to the humans.
The next friendliest cat in the household is Smoosh or Mittens. Smoosh is male. When called Mittens he glares at the name caller, somehow knowing that Mittens is a female name. Yet, ignoring the insult, he will stand on his head when you pet him. Now let me explain, if you scratch his ears he will lower his forehead to the sturdiest surface available and rest it there. Literally on his forehead, likes he is about to do a tumble roll. This may be a leg, knee or the arm of the chair. Smoosh stays in this position, purring for the duration of the petting session. Often he comes up with the tip of his tongue out of his mouth. Many have insulted his delicate sensibilities with laughter, at the performance.
A cat's friendliness quotient has much to do with their upbringing, as well. The cat who continually has to dodge an active toddler or an angry adult, tends to be skittish at best. Unfriendly and hostile, at worst. This cat is on constant alert, in an attempt to avoid a hostile environment. His negative personality is self defense.
The cat that is forced into unwanted attentions, that may seem to the owner to be affectionate, could cause the feline to be guarded in behavior. Also having the appearance of unfriendliness.
The cat that is allowed to interact with other pets and humans, on it's own terms, is often considered friendly. Mainly because the cat is not forced to endure unwanted attention. Therefore they will not tend to shy away from their human housemates. The cat that is permitted to be themselves will be attentive to the other pets and humans. On his terms and in his timing.
The only true resolution to this debate is to reason that a cat's social demeanor is due to their home environment, specific situations and personality. Not their gender. The friendliest cat has a human or two that they would rather not deal with. Therefore, it stands to reason, that the most sullen Tom has a human he cannot live without.
Like their human owners, cats are a peculiar species. They are selective in their interactions, favorite foods and places to nap. They like, or tolerate, us and other family pets, in their own accord.
Therefore, unless you've raised your cat from a kitten, you may never be able to determine why your furry friend is friendly or unfriendly.
Respect his space. Give him attention and affection on his terms, and he will be happy. Just remember, he is not likely to respect your space or be there for you when you need a hug. After all, he is a cat, and that would not be cool. They represent an entire species of aloof creatures, and are bound by the generational tradition to be cool at all cost.
Learn more about this author, Andrea D. Hutchinson.
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