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| No | 27% | 181 votes | Total: 659 votes | |
| Yes | 73% | 478 votes |
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Add to FavoritesMy parents took a neutral approach to Santa Clause that has served me well, and which I now pass on to my daughter.
As a mother it is my privileged duty, especially in the tender formative years, to build an environment of trust and security for my daughter. I feel to the depth of my soul that it would be wrong to intentionally cause her to form an attachment that ends in what is emotionally equivalent to the death of a friend.
When I was little I took every relationship for granted, be it with my favorite dolls or the people in my life. This is a natural and healthy thing, and my daughter is the same way. If I were to introduce Santa to her as a real person, she would take him for granted; sub sequentially grieving over the loss of that illusion whenever it is that I cared to shatter the glass on the matter. It just does not seem right to lose her confidence in me even as I am daily trying to establish myself as her safe place and person whom she can always trust in life.
This brings to task the other lies a parent tells; are they all really harmless? In my book, lying to children other than to protect them is just plain lazy parenting. Honesty, spoken gently and appropriate to the age, is a good thing. I will not have to re-train my child about so many things. What she knows today, the details notwithstanding, she will learn more about as she grows. It is, I believe, a more emotionally healthy way to live.
This is the second Christmas that Becka is able to 'understand' as a holiday, and the first that she is approaching with retained excitement from the year before. Santa Clause, Rudolph, Frosty the Snowman... all are a much-cherished part of Christmas in our home. The difference lies in the context of their inclusion; they are stories.
My husband and I follow the footsteps of my parents and told her that on Christmas we worship the birth of Christ. As for Santa and the other Christmas characters, we simply told her that they are fun stories made for this time of the year. It was a very short and simple explanation, and one that has allowed her to welcome all aspects of Christmas in her own way. There will be time to add the details as she gets older. In the meantime she experiences all the excitement of Christmas without the eventual sense of shock and loss.
That is where I think parents underestimate their children. Many adults will tell you that they handled the news well, but for each of them is another who admits they were crushed and distrustful from then on. It baffles me that adults do not equate the loss of Santa the person with a form of robbing their child's innocence, trust and security.
At age five I saw in my kindergarten class the children who were just learning the truth, and I saw the tears and disillusionment. As an adult I continue to see it, and I have to ask, it is really worth it? Playing Santa is much more fulfilling for the parent who already knows the truth, and less for the child who suddenly 'loses' this friend; a fact that seems pretty selfish to me. "Lighten up, she'll get over it" is not an adequate argument by a long shot.
My daughter knows that presents are gifts between people who love each other, and enjoys helping make or selecting them. On the same token, she lights up like a Christmas tree when she happens to spot a snowman or Santa clause waving merrily from one yard or the other. She sits in my lap and listens quietly, sincerely to the story of Jesus' birth even as she often scrambles up and in with her Christmas books and asks to be read to about the 'silly deer' and Frosty the Snowman.
I feel that I have not robbed her of the 'magic of Christmas', but that I have opened it to her in a way that is even more special. To those who think I have somehow unseated the Savior, I say this: I was raised the same way and I still adore my Heavenly Father, even while I share merrily in the brightest and gayest of carols. I sing 'Silent Night' and 'I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas' with equal relish, though with a fuller heart for the former.
If you think about it, the Christmas spirit is one of unity, of love, kindness and giving... isn't it just as fitting of the Christmas spirit to give my child the beautiful birth of an infant Savior and the pleasantness of a nice holiday story without the emotional heartache? Life will disappoint her enough as she gets older, but while she is in my care and so very young and tender, I will carefully lay each brick of her foundation in love and security until that day.
Learn more about this author, Jennifer Wells.
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Yes
Life lessons are learned in many different ways. An important abstract life lesson is learning to have a giving spirit and being generous toward others. The spirit of Santa Claus is one way we can expose our children to this life lesson about generosity. For this reason alone, perpetuating the myth of Santa Claus is good for our children.
By reading classic fairytales to our young children we introduce them to the world of fantasy. It is magical to imagine that an adventuresome boy can fly, or a servant girl can turn into a princess, marry a prince charming and live happily ever after. We wouldn't want to deprive our children of listening to and enjoying these fanciful stories.
Nor would we want to deprive them of believing for the short duration of their innocent childhoods that they are so special and deserving, a fatherly figure might reward them with their heart's desires in the form of presents. Coinciding with the concept of Santa Claus we can also present to the child that Christmas is about giving and pleasing others.
When we take the child Christmas shopping for presents to wrap for his siblings and relatives, he quickly learns the pleasure in being the giver. Even the smallest child revels in keeping the secret of his wrapped offerings, and delights when the secret is revealed upon opening and the receipient displays pleasure. How rapidly the child learns the profound meaning of, "It is more blessed to give than to receive."
Eventually the child becomes aware that Santa Claus is right up there with Cinderella and Peter Pan as a fantasy "celebrity.' By the time the child is old enough to grasp this reality, the real magic of Christmas has been instilled and he retains the joy and fun surrounding the spirit of giving.
If you choose to incorporate Santa Claus into your child's belief system, here are some practical ground rules:
* Santa Claus should not be assigned a disciplinarian role.
I cringe when I hear parents admonishing their child to "be good" or Santa won't come. To the parent this might be harmful teasing, but to the child, such an admonishment could instill anxiety during a season that should be all about fun and celebration.
* Direct lies are not acceptable.
If the child asks outright about the existence of Santa Claus he requires a suitable explanation. When my own children approached me wanting clarification of playground rumors, I said that I believed in the spirit of Christmas and therefore I believed in Santa, but they were free to disbelieve if they wished. The "Spirit of Christmas" and "Santa Claus" were interchangeable phrases in our family.
* When an older child persists in refuting the existence of Santa Claus
He is prevailed upon to not voice his disbelief in front of younger children. Enlisting the cooperation of older children to keep the fantasy intact for younger ones mitigates any potential for disappointment or disillusionment, as the older child eagerly transitions from believer to protective keeper of the fantasy. The lesson of generosity also transitions.
Christma s is a magical time in general and on many levels. It is a time for celebrating the birth of baby Jesus, gathering with family and friends, fostering a spirit of peace on earth and good will toward all. Santa Claus is only one facet of this joyous season. Children exposed to all aspects of Christmas will continue to enjoy the holiday long after they have relinquished the idea of Santa Claus.
In our home it was a yearly tradition to sort through excess toys and set aside the best for donation to Toys for Tots. We wrapped presents for the giving tree at church and volunteered our time at the community Santa's workshop for the underprivileged. Incorporating concern for others into the season's activities enabled our children to shift focus from the holiday being all about self-gratifying presents to a bigger picture of creating happiness for others.
By the time children are in middle school they have usually left the notion of Santa Claus behind without any discussion or ceremony, but relish the game of "Secret Santa" and enjoy gifting their teachers, friends, siblings and extended relatives.
The lesson of generosity has been ingrained and Santa Claus takes his rightful place alongside the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny in the pleasant and magical memories of a fulfilled childhood.
Perpetuati ng the myth of Santa Claus is good for children.
Learn more about this author, Carol Gioia.
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