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Add to FavoritesAt one time a child's habits, moral values and beliefs were mainly influence by the parents. But as Bob Dylan so wisely put it 'The Times They Are A Changing'.
It's early morning and the house is beginning to stir. Both Mom & Dad are getting ready for work, the kids preparing for the school day. Early morning is a hectic time for families and with all the hustle and bustle there is very little time for parents and children to interact. Everyone's doing their own thing and not paying attention to anyone else. What have the kids learned this morning? Probably nothing except how to fight for the bathroom. Now off to work and school.
Kids in school today are generally left to discover themselves, barring illegal activities and destructive behavior. Here they learn to interact with, and act like others. It's all part of the fitting in procedure. Children will decide early on what type of people they'd like to hang out with and adapt behavior which will help them be accepted into that crowd. Personalities and habits are both formed this way and cannot readily be turned off and on like a light switch.
These nuances must be learned from somewhere though, but where? Children arrive home to empty houses and must occupy their time. The ever popular electronic babysitter, (T.V), gets switched on and our kids are bombarded with images of cool characters and sexy stars. When the coolest guy on the planets starts saying "Whatever" then your kids start too. If he chews or smokes, kids try that too. They're trying to be cool by association. Pictures of super models have influenced thousands of teens, telling them this is what you should look like to get the best cars, guys and laundry detergent. Kids will pick up the habits of their heroes and act like their heroes act, whether good or bad.
Which of these habits a child holds on to through life depends on the influence of family though. If a parent allows a particular habit to continue the child figures it must be okay because mom and dad don't care. Family relationships are very important here. If a child has already decided that mom and dad don't know anything, a child may do the exact opposite of what a parent wants. On the other hand, a good family relationship might make the child realize that his habit upsets mom and dad and he needs to do something about it. Parents can sit around and talk negatively about boys growing hair long, tattoos, weird clothing and a variety of other sins that they disapprove of. A child who respects their parents will take this into consideration when making life decisions.
So while most bad habits are learned from peers and media, it's still the parents responsibility to let their opinions on what's good and bad be known. Ultimately, the child will make a decision on his own. Who has the most influence over your child? Friends or family.
Learn more about this author, Michael Ray.
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Yes
Handing down good habits ~
Twenty-four-seven, the little people in our homes are watching, listening and learning. You might even say they're professional copy-cats. Hands on hips, they spout off to siblings, "Because I said so!" Clomping around in our shoes or boots, we wince and wonder if they "walk in our footsteps" in more ways than one.
It's not only our job to provide for our children, it's also our responsibility to teach them about life in general: how to be healthy, mature, productive, adults. Sadly, too many parents tell their children what to do but fail to "show" them by example. This can only cause confusion and turmoil.
For example, telling them that they shouldn't smoke is important, because it ruins their lungs and can cause emphysema and cancer. However, if we model the very thing we've just condemned, what must our children think of us? If we tell them not to drink, and yet we keep alcohol in the house, are they likely to listen? If we ask them not to curse, but we curse, why be shocked when they follow our example?
On the flip side, we can also model good behaviors. When a child is told to keep his room neat and sees that the parents do the same, he is more likely to see the sense in it. Other examples: children are more likely to enjoy reading if they see us enjoying time out with a book. Whatever behaviors we exhibit, they will most likely copy them.
The habit of being honest is modeled before children learn it. We won't ask them to lie for us when an unwanted visitor is at the door. If we tell our children it's wrong to cheat on a test and then laugh about cheating on our income tax, we are hypocrites. Those things we want our children to learn and copy - patience, kindness, compassion, courtesy - must be modeled before them on a consistent basis. If we teach one thing and then do the opposite, we eventually destroy any respect our children have had for us.
So often, the habits we have can be traced to our own parents or a caregiver that took their place. If we are extremely shy, we probably had a parent that was shy. If we tend to be quick to judge others, we most likely saw this modeled at home. On the positive side, if we are hard-working and honest, it's a fair guess one or both of our parents or caregivers were the same.
In the natural world, a duckling raised by a parent will copy its behavior and act like a duck. A kitten raised by its parents will copy them and behave like a cat. In the same manner, children raised by their parents will copy their behavior and act like the parents. The years they spend in our home are crucial: their little ears, eyes and hearts are tuned in to everything around them. They hear how we talk, watch what we do and pick up on the emotions we express. They learn our habits - good and bad alike.
Fast forward to the future. These same children will enter adult life sooner than we think. When they walk out the door and into the future, they will carry the attitudes, actions and habits we've handed down to them. It's our job to make sure they carry the right ones.
Learn more about this author, Nan Keltie.
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