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Add to FavoritesIt pains me to say this, but in my opinion marriage is not worth it. At least it was not for me. And althought I have met someone that I really care about, I will never get married again.
The problem with marriage is that; you never really know what you are getting into. Unless you have some mystical supernatural gift to see into the future, it is very easy to marry the wrong person. And marrying the wrong person can destroy your life! My story is tragic. Actually it is a horrific example of how terrible your life can become if you marry the wrong person.
In 1985 I accepted Jesus into my life. I was at the time thirty years old and had never been married and had no children. I was invited to go to the Phillipines as a missionary in 1986. There was a girl in a remote village in the Phillipines. She had been delving into the occult and somehow became terribly demon possesed. When I heard of her, she was dying and weighted only 70 pounds. After much prayer and fasting I was able to get her set free from this evil force. She became a Christian. At least that's what we thought.
This young girl (Josephine), and I became very good friends. She would visit me often and we would have bible studies together. This went on for about one year. She had a humility and kindness that really attracted me. She would bring me nice meals. We loved to go to the movies together.
I felt she would make a fine wife and companion. Boy was I wrong! We were married in 1987. However, before our marriage an amazing thing happened. Two Christians wrote me letters. One was from a friend in Canada. They both told me not to marry Josephine. They had never met her; but they did not feel good about the marriage.
One of the Christians told me that if I married Josephine, I would suffer unlike anything I could imagine. I did not listen and not listening cost me everything. It nearly cost me my life. And it did cost the life of an innocent person and that is a very difficult thing to live with.
The problems started when Josephine joined me in the United States, after I returned home. She was a terrible homemaker. She would leave her belongings all over our house. She was very sloppy. I felt ashamed to invite friends to my home. There would be boxes and piles of clothes everywhere. I am a pretty neat person. I love a clean home. I guess I felt that I helped her come to the United States and saved her life. Was it was asking to much to pick up her belongings?
When I would insist that she help keep our place clean, she would get very angry. She would break dishes, mirrors and everything in sight. It was so stupid. If I tried to stop her she would call the police and claim domestic violence.
Although we did struggle-who wants their belongs destroyed-it was all lies. It was very difficult. I was a black man married to an Asian girl, living in an all white community. Statistics showed I must me a wife beater. Only one person believed me, a local social worker, who happened to be an older white woman. She had enough intelligence to look beneath the surface.
I think a good judge would have helped a great deal. However, we lived in Hunterdon County, New Jersey. This is the same area that basketball player (Jason Williams) lives. It was well known that Superior Court Judge Marilyn Herr, "hated men and used her term as Judge to promote her feminist views." Being one of only a few blacks in the entire comunity I had no chance to prove what was really happening in my home. It was a nightmare.
Finally in 2001 my wife ran off with a horse trainer. A tattoed, scruffy, smelly, unkept and unclean man. In an effort to destroy me, they filed a complaint, claiming I made threats to kill them, but they never showed up for court and the case was dismissed, but not before I Spent a weekend in jail. They are very lucky I am not the man I was before becoming a Christian.
They even called my employers and tried to get me fired from my job. That is pretty damn low. And Jospehine set in motion a series of events, which cost the life of an innocent person. The amazing thing is right after the court date, she was in a terrible car accident and nearly killed. I wish she had been. I know that is a terrible thing to say, but that's how I feel. I cry so much, nearly every week. I blame myself for death of the innocent person. It would not have happened, if I would not have helped that foolish, evil girl come into our country.
I am now in a rebuilding process. I have met a new person who I admire and love. She is from China. She is a wonderful, remarkable lady. However, I will never marry anyone again. There were no children from my marriage, so it is easier to start over again. Is marriage really worth it. I must say no! It is not.
Learn more about this author, Jerry Hodge.
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Yes
Marriage is definitely worth it!
Much can be learned from choosing to get married, being married and staying married. Through all of its ups and downs, the relationship between the two individuals become sweeter and kinder, thus creating an everlasting, and enduring marriage.
When we as individuals choose to get married we are in the most obvious state of mind: completely in love and thinking marital life with this other person is exactly what we want, and usually enter into the union with the knowledge that this is a binding contract. For most people, it is a contract not only bound on earth but bound in heaven as well. The decision to get married isn't taken lightly as this is one of the most important decisions you could possibly make in a lifetime. The person you choose to marry needs to be the right person for you and you need to be the right person for them. The decision of whom you are marrying must be the right choice as this is the most important choice in order to live a happy, everlasting and enduring marriage. You should be sure that you're attracted to the person both physically and mentally as this helps to keep the spark in the relationship as well as stimulating, interesting conversations to prevent boredom. Mutual respect, patience, kindness and lots of love should already prevail in the relationship prior to marriage. This ensures that both individuals will be selfless rather than selfish which can really be damaging to a marriage. A tip that has helped my husband and I before we got married is: always remember that you're marrying and will be married to your best friend. Treat your best friend better than you've ever treated anyone else, and I guarantee that you will be treated the same way and you'll live in marital bliss.
Being married is absolutely fabulous! Some people may say otherwise; however, hardwork coupled with love makes a marriage wonderful. The reason why I say hardwork, is because marriage is definitely not easy! It isn't just some walk in the park where everything is going to be perfect. If everything were easy and perfect most of us who are married would probably become very bored and tired of marriage. However, lucky for us, marriage is a work in progress and forever will be. Of course you're going to have disagreements and at times arguements and for some of us, lots of arguements. It doesn't mean that your marriage is doomed for failure. It just means that one or two of you is extremely opinionated or rather bull headed and need to be more selfless rather than selfish. Marriage is about giving rather than taking. Also, try something new throughout the marriage. For example: if the husband likes fishing than try to go fishing together at least once. If the wife likes manicures than try a couples-spa at least once. Try to complement and uplift one another on your spouses interest such as fishing and spa, no matter how much you may have hated it. Your spouse will be very happy that you came with them even if it might be just that one time. It'll be a memory that the two of you made together, and everytime your husband is out fishing he'll always think of you, and when the wife is out getting a manicure or a spa, she'll always think of her husband. Trying out your spouses interests just once can do wonders in the bonding and binding process in a marriage. Also, help each other around the house in household chores. Be helpful and mindful when speaking to one another. Always remember you're speaking to your best friend.
Staying married is worth it! Through the years of happy memories made together, the ups and downs in the marriage of disagreeing about who's doing the dishes, who's changing the babies diapers, who's going to take the teens for their first test drive, arguing about finances, throwing a tantrum about how much work sucks, and how my back hurts, freaking out about why the kids aren't getting straight A's in school, cracking up laughing about the time your husband stayed up late to greet your daughter at the door with a shot gun when her first date drops her off at home late, crying when you witnessed the marriage of your own children, and welcoming your first grandchild into the world and so much more. Marriage can teach so much. Through all of it and the continuation... You'll come out on top. And you'll be a better person and so incredibly happy in your marriage. When marital failure enters your mind, quickly think of the happy times you've had together and give each other a hug fast. It always works to bring peace back into the home.
Learn more about this author, Byron's Wife.
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