Yes

by Claudia Windal

Created on: February 07, 2009   Last Updated: February 15, 2009

Imagine receiving the news that you have Lou Gehrig's disease. You are told that the disease is progressive and will eventually render you wheelchair bound, prone to choking, often incontinent of urine and stool, unable to hug those whom you love, and reduce your speech to a difficult to understand whisper. The disease however, do not interfere with your brain. Unfortunately and sadly, you are not able to verbally communicate with others. You begin to contemplate suicide for the sake of your loved ones as well as yourself. You prepare by hiding sleeping medication. When you have enough medication on hand, and before you can't lift your hands to your mouth with the medication and water, you overdose. Was this suicide justified?

Many individuals consider suicide a selfish action. The deceased has ended their misery but those who loved the deceased are left to mourn and to ask a range of questions generally surrounding "should have....." insisted on mental health care, stayed home more; had our rabbi, pastor, priest visit; been a better listener; the list goes on and on and in the end, we have no answer to what, if anything, we might have done to try to prevent the suicide.

Those with strong religious beliefs will be concerned for the eternal life of the deceased. Will suicide be cause for the eternal flames of hell? Is it possible that God will have mercy on the deceased, considering the circumstances that pushed him/her over the edge and to suicide? Will never know. I personally believe in a loving and understanding God and how many situations and circumstances impact the human mind and body and the soul/spirit.

Nearly ten years ago, I became acquainted with a 26 year old gentleman who was living with HIV/AIDS. He was gradually loosing his sight due to an AIDS related virus entering his eyes. He feared blindness more than death. One evening, we invited George and John (his partner) to supper. Our other guest was a blind friend who was prepared to demonstrate several means of managing in a sighted world. She and George laughed and giggled at imagining the plate as a clock and maintaining continuity as to what foods were placed at 12, 3, and 6.

George called me the next morning to thank me for supper and the "Blindness 101." At 6 PM that same evening, John called to say that George had just died; he was hysterical and I immediately went to their home. Because of the home death, the police were called and they were as insensitive as anyone I've ever known. Neither of them wanted to touch the body because of the AIDS! Finally, George's remains were released to the funeral home. John called me several days after the funeral/interment. He wanted me to know that George had taken his life by overdose. He didn't want me to know earlier because he didn't want me to lie to the police. I tell this story in order to illustrate the emotional distress that is experienced by many people. It is only a fraction of the whole distress situation that you and I may witness.

It is not our place to make judgments regarding suicide. We certainly need to mourn the loss of a loved one and to seek support while mourning the death. God gives life and only God may make the decision as to the justification of this action. We might think we know one another's hearts; we do not. We cannot ever grasp the often convoluted process that some individuals will experience when thinking about suicide.

We must forgive (despite our personal pain) and continue to keep our loved one in our minds, hearts, and souls. Rest eternal give unto them, O Lord, and may perpetual light shine upon them. Amen.

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