Long term relationship or short term relationship?

Short term

1 of 2

by John Moyer

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A lot of guys refer to women as D.T's or even C.T.'s. I prefer to refer to women as E.T's; because at some point in every relationship a guy will look at his girlfriend and wonder when the aliens came and swapped her out for the woman he met six months ago.

To be fair, that works both ways. Women complain that after a certain amount of time their man is not attentive enough or caring enough. And men complain that their women have become too attentive and too caring. Only men call it smothering and bitchy.

Maybe relationships would be a lot better off if they were treated like leasing a car. It's good when it's brand new, and you pace yourself and only put so many miles on it... but eventually normal wear and tear sets in and we need the newer model. Relationships are the same way: when they are brand new we make time, we make out, and we make love. Then eventually we can't find time. We try to get out. And love turns to hate. We are the most evolved, intelligent species in the history of this planet, yet we are the stupidest when it comes to relationships. But in comparison, we've only been around a short while when stacked up against other species. There's still plenty of time to let stupidity among men and woman kill us off.

That's why the dinosaurs are extinct. The ice age had nothing to do with a natural earthly event as much as it did with a bunch of female dinosaurs with a cold heart turning against their male companions. In fact, there are some species who actually eat their young. And that's not about hunger, it's about saving the kids from the bullcrap mom and dad are going through. I can't help but think that my siblings and I might have been a lot better off if sometime around nineteen seventy our parents had us for Thanksgiving instead of turkey.

My sister and her husband recently celebrated their twenty year wedding anniversary. Or as I prefer to call it, twenty years of tolerance. Homosexuals demand tolerance from heterosexuals so there can be gay marriage. Let gays and lesbians get married, and after twenty years of marriage they'll understand what the word tolerance really means.

To revisit the car analogy, there's a TV show called Pimp My Ride. Rapper and host Xzibit surprise someone who owns an out dated piece of crap, falling apart car, then takes said car to a specialty shop to have it completely made over into some hip, slick looking awesome set of wheels. Well, how about a show called Pimp My Bride? (Granted there would have to be episodes about making over husbands too, but since ride and bride rhyme, it's better from both a language and humor perspective.) Xzibit shows up, takes someone's significant other for a few days and then brings them back better off than the person their spouses fell in love with.

The problem with the original show is they make over the outside of the car from the ground up, but they never touch the engine. Despite the car looking incredible, what's under the hood is still a poorly functioning, unreliable, untrustworthy, pain in the ass. Much like a lot of attractive women out there. Oh sure they may look beautiful, but soon enough you'll be going out of your mind and spending good money after bad trying to fix the problem. Only you won't be spending the money at an auto mechanic - you're spending it on therapy. And every time the results are the same: it's totaled.

So we wind up back at square one where we never seem to learn. The internet is filled with dating sites loaded with people spending monthly fees to try to find love and companionship. Eharmony.com? How about a disharmony.com? It's a website filled with stories of people burned by love and relationships; tales of break ups, broken hearts, lies, deception, divorce, alimony, child support, restraining orders, and again more therapy for both the adults and this time around the kids.

Let's just cut to the chase and send every love struck couple to a site like that to surf for a couple of hours. Require it to be their home page. Then they might, just might, have some second thoughts about falling in love. They'll look at things a little more closely and decide that the casual, noncommital, multiparnter action going on within the content of the adult websites out there might just make a lot more sense after all.

Oh sure you're chances are greater of getting a social disease... but you could either feel a burning sensation down there, or feel like your entire life went up in flames. There's either once a day Valtrex or once a day Prozac. If you miss your Valtrex you might wind up with an out break. If you miss your Prozac you might break out in gun fire on a clock tower with a rifle. Either way, I guess the effects of unhealthy, dysfunctional relationships do get passed on to everyone we come in contact with. Some are just affected a little more than others.

We don't have to worry about global warming or that massive asteroid; falling in love and all that comes with it will easily see to the end of the human race as we know it.

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