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Can a relationship with a cheater work out?
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| yes | 29% | 1037 votes | Total: 3600 votes | |
| No | 71% | 2563 votes |
yes
by Patrick Sills
Created on: September 21, 2010 Last Updated: January 07, 2011
Will a relationship endure if one or both of the partners has cheated on the other? The answer to this question is usually no, but in some cases, it can be quite the opposite. The question of this subject matter; however, is: CAN a relationship with a cheater work out? And in life, save for perhaps death and taxes, there are no absolutes. Therefore, the only possible answer is yes.
Obviously, many emotions can be stirred when either partner in a marriage learns the other has been unfaithful. Not only will the cheated individual feel betrayed, but oftentimes, the notion of “once a cheater, always a cheater,” a complete loss of trust, will surface. Adultery has been regarded as a deplorable sin for centuries. Such an act serves as a direct violation of one’s spoken vows at the time a pair is joined in matrimony. Thus, to this day, a monogamous marriage is viewed as the standard and moral benchmark for all pairings. Thus, one cannot dispute the fact that once spousal infidelity is revealed, divorce proceedings are what typically follow.
But in some cases, those guilty as charged are genuinely remorseful and quite willing to acknowledge their mistake. In such instances, forgiveness and a resultant reconciliation can and sometimes will occur. In short, it all depends on how effective the couple's communication skills are in conveying the message of how badly the cheater feels and/or how well the person who was cheated on takes the news.
It should be noted here that we’re talking about relationships here. A relationship is not necessarily a marriage. Adultery is defined as extra-marital sex with someone other than your spouse. If you are merely dating or even living together as partners, is straying then really cheating? To further complicate matters, what if the relationship or even the marriage employs a mutually agreed-upon open policy? You know. Love the one you’re with. Swingers. Casual sex for the sake of sex. Certainly, these types of relationships; however unorthodox, should work out, shouldn’t they?
Cheating, or adultery; whichever term one prefers or deems appropriate, is certainly nothing new. In fact, it’s been happening since our species first walked the earth. But ever since the free love movement entered our lives in the 1960s, many of us included in the progressive segment of society have adopted a looser and more relaxed set of morals. As a result, we seek fun with no strings attached while single. When we find someone special, most of us no longer wait until our wedding night to consummate relationships.
However, and regardless of one's moral standards, cheating among married couples is slowly becoming more commonplace. As bold a statement as this may be, it could therefore become more acceptable and perhaps even expected. Yes, one day, a casual act of adultery may be regarded as harmless as a married man looking at pictures in a Playboy magazine or a wedded woman getting together with her friends to see a Chippendale's show.
Should the ages-long traditions we are currently accustomed to change and result in a society that embraces a sort of sexual free-for-all, those who enter into marriage may wish to consider exploring such a liberal philosophy as opposed to remaining stuck in a school of thought that could very well become obsolete.The identities of future generations of children may depend on it.
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No
by Miss Anita
Created on: September 04, 2009
Can a relationship with a cheater work out? What a question. It might be a work out, but I don't think it ever really works, especially for the one that's being cheated on.
This is where some people say, "Well, what IS cheating?" In my opinion, cheating is any sexually motivated activity that happens outside of the current relationship. Notice that I said "sexually motivated" activity. And yeah, that includes what you're thinking about doing to that girl that just walked by. Whether you're physically cheating or cheating in your mind, you're still cheating.
Low self-worth or even loneliness can make people do strange things. Many women get in relationships with men just because they're lonely or don't want to be alone anymore. Some women get in a less-than-honest relationship because they want someone to take care of them and their children. Some want the money, the lifestyle, and the status. "Show me the money!" For the most part, those women don't care if their partner cheats because the only thing that matters to them is the money, literally. It would be impossible for me to be in a relationship like that. I may be a rare and out of date bird, but I believe relationships should be based on honesty, companionship, and a desire to grow and achieve together. Personally, I've never understood why someone would stay in a relationship with someone that cheats. I mean honestly, what is the cheater saying about the victim (ahem... I mean the one that's being cheated on)? The cheater is saying that the partner is not important, not attractive or sexy, not as good in bed, and not worth time or respect. A person that tolerates cheating is saying the same exact thing, whether it's realized or not.
If you are in a relationship of convenience, and/or you don't have any feelings for the person that is cheating, the relationship might work. It may even last for awhile. But if that's the case, then it isn't really a relationship. Is it? A true relationship takes two committed people that actually want to be together. If one of them is cheating, something is wrong in the relationship. Either that, or the cheater is just a selfish pig that never should have committed to a relationship in the first place. Okay, that may seem harsh. But that is the reality of cheating. It is all about self... what the cheater wants, and no one else's feelings or opinions matters. Cheating equals lying, and it is an act of dishonesty and deceit. How can anything that is inherently dishonest work? In my life, it cannot.
At this point, you may be wondering (I'm sure most aren't) if I've ever been involved with someone that has cheated on me. Well, duh! I have gone through that cycle, and emotionally (and physically), it was very painful for me. It made me feel worthless and ugly. I didn't need him for that, because quite simply, I can feel that way on my own. Even people, that say they don't care if their partner cheats, feel a little of that... even if they don't admit it to themselves. How can they not? How can a person find out that they've been cheated on, and not feel "less than"? It's completely natural to feel that way. And unfortunately, I've felt that way more than once.
Some people might say that a relationship involving cheating can work, if the other partner doesn't know about it. Even then, the relationship isn't working, it's existing. There can't be a true relationship if honesty is one-sided. If one person is going outside the relationship for sexual or emotional satisfaction, then that person is not committed to the "relationship". So, can a relationship with a cheater work? No. Cheaters don't have relationships with other people... only with themselves.
This topic does interest me, and as a result, I started a poll to find out how many people "mind" cheating. If you're interested in voting, you can click here.
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