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| yes | 31% | 183 votes | Total: 599 votes | |
| No | 69% | 416 votes |
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Add to FavoritesA relationship with a cheater can work, if you work at it. A cheater, like an alcoholic, can be in the recovery stages for a very long time without having a relapse. But, constantly revisiting the crime can tear the relationship apart. A successful relationship after cheating requires the cheater to work at being faithful and honest at all times, and the victim to have a forgiving heart, being willing to move on and let healing happen.
My husband cheated on me during my first pregnancy. I was devastated! How could he do such a thing when we had waited so long to conceive, and while I was in this condition? Everyone around me insisted that "once a cheater, always a cheater" was the absolute truth. I stayed with my parents a few days, and he threatened to go back to upstate New York, to his family. Even my father, a staunch Christian who doesn't believe in divorce for anything but what the Bible preaches, said I should let him go. I didn't want him to go away when he had a baby on the way. At the time, I think I was just scared. Although I had a large family, I felt completely alone. I tried, though, to take their advice. I tried to stay away.
But, something wasn't right. I couldn't walk away that easily. His openness and honesty convinced me that when he said he was sorry, he was truly sorry. He promised me it would never happen again. What made it worse was that the girl he cheated with was a long-time friend of mine. We talked on the phone for hours, tears rolling on both ends. How could this have happened? What should we do now? I just couldn't look her in the face anymore, knowing what she'd done. The friendship was at a halt. But I soon moved back home and my husband and I began to rebuild the trust between us.
At first, it wasn't easy. Every time we fought, it came up. Every time he left the house, I wondered where he might end up. For the first couple of years, the subject came up frequently, but each time we talked about it, we realized that the incident had only served to show us how important we were to each other. After a while, we resolved to let the whole thing be forgotten and we stopped mentioning it. Still, as the victim, it stayed in my mind, but I refused to let it rule me. A time for healing would come. I just didn't know when.
This December 2008 will be our 20th wedding anniversary. He has never cheated on me since that time and I no longer care to bear the weight of any ill feelings. (I don't hold grudges.) Just a month ago, I reconnected with the old friend and the healing that began in me has begun in her also.
Yes, relationships with cheaters can work out, if the cheater is willing to change his/her ways and the victim is willing to allow the healing to happen. It all depends on the situation, the attitude of each person involved, and how much time to heal you are willing to give.
Learn more about this author, Sarah E. Pollard.
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No
The answer to the question is No. I am living proof that cheaters do not change. If he could cheat on his previous girlfriend what makes you think that you are any different or special?
I dated a guy for two weeks, later on met this other guy he totally swept me off my feet and we started dating as well. I informed him that I am currently in a relationship and he said that he does not have a problem with it as he is also in a relationship with his baby's mother. We continued dating and later on after realizing that my first boyfriend was being neglected and that it was really unfair towards him, the only sensible thing to do was to end the relationship as it was not going anywhere. He wasn't a very happy chappy but he had to accept the fact that we have reached the end of the road. So I had one boyfriend left, he told me that he also stopped dating his baby's mother because things are different between them now and that I am the one.
Three months later, he changed, he would come home with love bites on his neck and explain to me that he cut himself shaving. I knew what it was but kept on telling myself that he would never cheat on me because he loves me, I mean, he gave up his relationship with the woman he was suppose to marry, they had a child together. The relationship continued to deteriorate, we started fighting, he started becoming abusive and in the end we had nothing to say anymore. I eventually made up my mind and just left him. He begged me to give him another chance and that trust is the only thing that could rebuild our relationship, he promised me that he would never cheat on me nor even consider it and that I should stop listening to other people, I should listen to him because when he asked me to go out with him it was only the two of us and not anybody else. I gave him another chance, love over powered me. I fell pregnant and he proposed to me. He was so happy because then he would be able to see me every day and wake up next to me every morning.
All went well in our relationship, we were so in love and it was just like the good old days. I could actually see myself spending the rest of my life with this guy. We started planning the wedding, it had to be a Rennaissance themed wedding and only wanted close family and friends to share in our union.
One Thursday morning I got a rude awakening, I called his mobile, he told me that he has met someone else, that they are living together and that he has no intention of ever coming back. I was devastated, I cried, begged him to come back and he could only say didn't mean to hurt you but you asked for it. He said that I had pushed him too far and that it was my fault that he left. When I asked him what I should do about the baby, he said that he does not want the baby and that an abortion is the only thing that should be done. That was truly the most hurtful words anyone has ever said to me and at that moment knew exactly how his baby's mother felt when he left her for me.
I phoned him again a week later after the pain and hurt subsided and told him to remember that one day everything that he has done will come back to him on a silver platter. All the girls that he has hurt, all the hearts that he has broken, will eventually get him in the end. Life is like a wheel and it always comes back to you no matter how many times you spin it around. So people don't even think about dating a cheater, if he could do it with you what do you think is standing in his way of doing it again. I learned my lesson if i never date again it will be to soon.
Learn more about this author, Ruwayda Borcherds.
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