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| Yes | 42% | 118 votes | Total: 280 votes | |
| No | 58% | 162 votes |
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Add to FavoritesAs with many other relationship issues, this is a question which does not often have a clear and simple answer. There are many different kinds of people, each of whom offer a different opinion on the matter, and no one is really qualified to decide whose opinion is right or wrong. However, in my opinion, the answer to the question above is a resounding yes! Most of the time, there really is too much emphasis placed on the physical side of the relationship.
Before I continue, I should warn you that what I am about to say will probably seem hopelessly corny in this day and age, and some may even consider it a bit naive, but these are my views, and I stand by them!
I think the importance of sex in any relationship, whether it is a gay relationship or a straight one, depends upon what one hopes to gain from that relationship. If the only goal in your life is to be satisfied sexually, then sex will be your main priority; if you are looking for a richer, more fulfilling life than physical contact alone can provide, then sex will probably be of less importance to you.
Of course, even when sex is of less importance to you, that is not to say that it should ever be neglected or eliminated from the relationship. On the contrary...even when sex is not the main focus, it is still important in that it provides the opportunity for intimacy, which is essential to the survival of the relationship. I say that so that you will not mistakenly think that I have something against sex, because I most definitely do not. I enjoy it just as much as the next guy. I would be more than willing to make a time and place in my life for sex when I meet the right person whom I feel will make a real lifelong partner; you can be very sure of that! I just don't want it to ever be the sole basis of my relationship.
I have always been extremely old-fashioned when it comes to the subject of sex. I have always believed...and I still do...that sex should only take place between two people who are completely in love, and totally committed to being in a monogamous relationship. It is not very realistic to hold that view these days, I know, but I have always felt that anonymous sex without any kind of commitment or emotional attachment just causes too many complications in one's life. My life is already complicated enough as it is, and the very last thing I need is to make it more so. Besides, I want and expect MUCH more from a partner than just sex; I deserve the best he has to give me in every way. I don't want to sleep with some person that I barely know, who will just leave afterward and never give me another thought.
I know some will disagree with me on this, and that's OK; everyone has to do whatever they feel is right for them. But as for me, I just could not bring myself to have anonymous sex that way. I just don't have it in me. I guess I am just a hopeless romantic at heart. For me, sex is not so much about the physical. To me, it is all about the emotional connections that are shared between you and your partner during the act. It's all about intimacy; that is what I want to experience from a physical relationship. If I don't feel those emotional things about a person, then I have absolutely no desire to be with him, no matter how cute or attractive he may be. To me, that warm and happy feeling of contentment that comes from knowing that you are truly loved...well, that feels a million times better than sex ever could. So I would say that for me, sex is only of medium importance...or maybe even less than medium importance; unless the sex is accompanied by those feelings, then it just isn't worth the time and effort as far as I am concerned.
Unfortunately, people who feel as I do appear to be a dying breed these days. This is especially true in the gay community, where there seems to be entirely too much emphasis placed on shallow things like youth and physical perfection. I know this isn't always true in every case, but I have found it to be true much more often than it is false. And sometimes, it often feels true even when it may not be. At the risk of sounding bitter, sometimes it just seems like you don't stand a chance unless you are a thin, hunky, Greek God of a man that makes everyone drool! Those of us who may be great people, but are only average looking seem to get completely ignored! It's all so discouraging; no one seems to want to make the time or the effort to build anything that goes beyond the physical any more.
I have to admit that my hope of finding the kind of relationship that I have described here is quickly fading. I keep hoping that someone will come along and prove to me that I am wrong about that, but so far, I have had no such luck!
Learn more about this author, Randy Duckworth.
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No
Throughout my experience as a person, student, activist, and employee, I've found that, more or less, homosexuals are just the same as heterosexuals. Or, to put it another way, people are simply people, regardless of their beliefs and actions. Simple, I know, and the research backs it up.
Every person's particular views, feelings, and beliefs about their sex lives and the sex lives of others are unique. Poll one hundred people and you'll get one hundred unique responses (or more) regarding their personal views on sex. Sex, like other significant things in life, simply varies. Men don't simply want it more just as women don't simply want it less. The trends are not that broad. Certain criteria tend to produce certain inclinations, but still, it's more of a tendency than a rule. Age, career, recreation, parents, culture, milieu, all of these factors and many more affect one's views on everything. Including sex.
Regarding whether or not gay people follow a trend of increased sexual emphasis, the researched answer is simply that there is no such trend, as evidenced by many, many reports, such as that of Allen Young and Karla Jay. Homosexuals place no more or less emphasis on sex than heterosexuals. Homosexuality does not produce a statistically significant effect upon personal emphasis on sex.
Many factors do, of course, but these factors are not consistent among homosexual people any more than heterosexual people. Sexual preference makes no difference when it comes to sexual activity. I've seen straight guys go serially through short-term, monogamous relationships and gay guys stay with one partner for years at a time. I've seen straight guys avoid sex and relationships for years while gay guys enjoyed it frequently with the same partner exclusively. In the end, it didn't matter that they were homosexual or heterosexual. Other factors did. The stereotypes promulgated by the media are just that: stereotypes. They are no more generally accurate than any other, and are glaringly wrong in most cases.
Each person, regardless of sexual preference, will decide how important sex is to them on their own factors. Trends that dominate in one setting can be all but absent in another, and the factors involved are more numerous and typically more hidden than any casual observer will see. Homosexuality is about as statistically significant in determining sexual emphasis as liking coke, orange wallpaper, and sunsets.
In truth, after reviewing the research, homosexuality is revealed to have no significant impact on many, many activities in life. If not most. Regardless of sexual preference, people are still people. Though discrimination will certainly affect them.
Learn more about this author, Dimitri Davis.
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