Yes

by Buddy Netter

Created on: January 06, 2009   Last Updated: January 19, 2009

Do Gay Relationships Place Too Much Emphasis on Sex?

I don't know if I even have a right to input my opinion on this as a heterosexual married woman, but I tend to be opinionated and have a hard time not stating my point of view, even when it is probably unwelcome. That said, I would have to say that my observation is yes, of course the whole emphasis on the gay movement is all about sex.

I realize that there are gays and lesbians who really do want nothing more than to settle in with a life-long partner, but it appears to me that there is an aspect to the male gay population that is mostly about, if you will excuse this crude expression, "getting off," and in the most extreme ways they can dream up. I know. . .I know, I am going to get labeled as a "dirty old lady" that spends entirely too much time thinking about what others are getting up to in their private sexual lives. But for me, that is the problem, not content to live private, behind closed doors lives, gays to want everyone to know their sexual preference, and that is what bothers most non-gay people, I think. I have never really cared what two consenting adults want to do behind closed doors, but darn it all anyway, all the pressure for gays to "come out" and make their population visible, has caused the general public to not only be more aware of gays, but to also be more aware of things like gay bars, cruise areas, men who hang around public restrooms and rest stops on highways in the pursuit of catching a "quickie" with some stranger they may make contact with along the way. I have cop friends who have told me stories that would make a seasoned prostitute cringe. I don't want to repeat them out of common decency, but I'm sure that many have heard them. . .think of fists, gerbils, enemas, peepholes drilled into public bathroom stalls, and bigger holes also made there so that people can "connect" without ever even seeing each other, and I won't go any further. For at least a seemingly proportionate segment of the gay population, it is not about finding true love, but about finding more, and the more bizarre the better, ways of getting a new thrill with no (permanent) strings attached. And, yes, I know that there are heterosexuals that are into noncommittal, perverted sex, but sexuality doesn't seem to be the entire motivation of most so-called "normal" people's lives. Yes, most people want a good sex life, but it still doesn't seem to be the be all, end all of most people's obsession or what they base their life around. And I am wondering if you took it by percentages, compared the percentage of heterosexuals and gays, broken down by the size of their populations, if there wouldn't be more gays into the far out kinky stuff with multiple partners than there would be non-gays per their own population. I don't know if such a study has ever been done, but it would be interesting.

There is a lot of controversy about whether homosexuals are born with a gene that determines their sexual preference, or if they learn to be that way through their life's experiences and influences; and I suppose it can be either/or. I do know that you often hear about young boys who were molested by a man at a young age that became homosexual in a decidedly mean and forceful way; kind of like taking it out on someone, in much the same way that boys who grow up with an abusive father figure in their home also become abusive. Even with that said, I'm not sure that it really matters, as we have stopped trying to find ways to change gay behavior and have been told to accept homosexuality as a "normal for them" life choice. I do know that up until 1973, homosexuality was considered a mental illness. Until then, there was research into to how to change or modify same sex attraction, but it was removed from the books as an illness, even though the majority of psychiatrists didnt back this change, because of social and political pressure. However, I don't know if such a "cure" would have been possible, as we know that to change a person's "urges" depends on the person in question and his/her willingness to change. It is my observation that homosexuals probably get enough pleasure, excitement, satisfaction, or whatever you want to call it out of their sexual preference that an inducement to want to change would be unlikely.

When it comes to lesbians, that is a different story in my observation. For the most part, it seems that a good many lesbians grew up with the same hopes and dreams as heterosexual girls. They wanted a "Prince Charming" to come along, sweep them off their feet and to settle down into an idealistic, albeit a "fairy tale" (no pun intended) life and to raise a family with said prince. I've known of many lesbians who started out living a heterosexual life but were so let down, so hurt, possibly abused and disenchanted with men that they turned to women in kind of a "we don't need them anyway" sort of attitude. I think that most lesbians, like their female heterosexual counterparts, probably do long for a committed, long-term relationship.

Until recently, I have not had a lot of interest in homosexuality, but lately I have been kind of looking for information because the question of same sex marriage has loomed big on the horizon of California and Proposition 8 only lost in this last election by a slim margin, and I found myself wondering how such a small minority all of a sudden gained so much support. In looking around the internet on various web sites regarding gay and lesbian issues, I noted that although gays, lesbians, bisexuals and trans-gendered people are all considered part of the same-sex community, it is the trans-gendered folks that are lowest on the pecking order, and barely tolerated by the vast majority of this minority. Why, I wondered, as to me a lowly heterosexual person, they seem the most understandable, as they are trying to be an opposite sex to the sex they are attracted to. Then it dawned on me. . .the gay community doesn't want anyone with same sex preferences to change. So, yes, it is all about sex.

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