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| No | 11% | 24 votes | Total: 226 votes | |
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Add to FavoritesThe essence of this argument is that there is a gap to be filled. Although there certainly are lazy dads who can pull more weight, the same can be said of the moms. There have and always will be fathers that make excellent caregivers and are much more nurturing than their female counterpart. The fact is that the gap is not the fault of individual people but, of society, as a whole.
Our culture is built on an antiquated model where division of the sexes was essential. Men were hunters and women were nurturers in every sense of the word. This was mandated by the fact that women gave birth and had to breast feed and were, therefore, bound to a geographic location. There was no birth control and no modern medicine. People did not live long and there was no shortage of children and infirm to be taken care of. In the mean time, they needed to eat and so somebody had to leave the homestead to find, capture, and kill the food.
But, times have changed. Human needs have evolved to such a degree that aside from giving birth to the child, it is possible for either sex to do any, all, or none of the tasks essential to survival. The only thing that has not changed is human perception of societal norms and obligations based on gender.
Even a few decades ago it was possible for just one spouse to financial support the family. These days both parents pretty much have to work. It isn't a choice. We are having less kids and it costs more to sustain them.
But, with both parents at work, who is going to fill the gap? Homes still need to be cleaned, laundry to be done, meals to be prepared, children to be nurtured... not to mention, carted around to and from school and a multitude of after-curricular activities.
For a couple of decades people tried to fill this void with TV dinners and fast food, with electronic babysitters, and just plain neglect. There were always grumblings but, what could we do? Fortunately, the glass ceiling is cracking.
Even though women had entered the workforce, few were given positions of true power. Now that the second most powerful position in the most powerful super nation in the world is occupied by a woman, we can start to talk about true change.
Yes, women are overloaded, under appreciated, and suffocating under a load of often conflicting responsibilities. But, the answer is not to shift the same load between the sexes. This is not a gender issue. It is one of socioeconomic revolution.
The 9-to-5, five days a week at the office, rigidity of modern business does not work. Women cannot, and should not be expected to spend more time away from their children than they spend with them. Flexible schedules, teleworking, reduced work weeks, and on-site daycare are all effective ways of bridging gaps. Why not look at the system, instead of pointing fingers at scapegoats?
Learn more about this author, Freyda Tartak.
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Yes
Gender: Bridging the Gap in Childcare
Remember when mom would have a snack ready for you when you got home from school? She would be doing the laundry and as soon as you walk in the door she tells you to go do your homework. That is how I grew up. Dad worked and made enough money for mom to stay home and take care of me and my sister. After all, the paradox was that the Man's responsibility was to work while mom took care of the kids. Today's home economics and parenting roles are very different. To me, being a stay-at-home dad is not looking a bad idea.
My wife and I recently had a baby. While I am a recent college graduate, my wife has her career established. She took a three month pregnancy leave and is getting ready to go back to work. In today's economy I am having a very difficult time finding a job. My wife and I have looked at our financial situation and discovered that it would be less expensive for me to be a stay-at-home dad then for me to find a mediocre job and pay for childcare.
There are many men who would rather work than stay at home with the children. Perhaps it is because of the worry of being labeled Mr. Mom or fear that they are lacking in the natural ability to be a nurturing parent instead of a provider. I believe that in today's economy it is imperative for parents to do what is necessary to provide childcare even if the dad needs to stay home. If your situation is like ours there are ways to keep from going crazy and getting cabin fever.
Got computer skills? Perhaps you can get a telecommuting job doing data entry. When the kids are down for naps or doing their homework, you can be on your computer getting your work done. This will provide you with something to do and a little extra income. Who says that you have to work 40 hours per week. The income you can earn from working 10-20 hours a week can be enough to provide your family with vacation money. Of course, this requires budgeting and minimal trips to MacDonald's with the kids.
Who says that you have to be home everyday with the children? Perhaps Grandma and Grandpa would like to have the kids for the day. Or, maybe you have a very close friend who also is a stay at home parent. Maybe you could take turns watching each others kids once in a while. This provides your children with playmates. This way you can have one day every week to get things done in town without the kids tagging a long. Or take advantage of the quiet and have some time to yourself while mom is at work.
I can honestly say that I am looking forward to staying at home with my 3 month old daughter. I am learning to be a more loving and patient person by spending the time with her. I love watching her learn new things and grow. I believe that men who work long hours at work, really miss out on precious childhood memories. One big thing for men to consider is it will be emotional for their wife's not being home with their baby. Don't forget that they will also be jealous of you getting all the mommy time with them.
Don't forget to let mom have baby and mommy time daily. Have dinner ready and the chores done if possible to give mom as much time as possible to spend with the kids. Email her pictures or little videos to her to brighten her day. Pop in with baby at her work for 5 minutes on her break to allow her to show off baby to her co-workers. These little things will really help your wife adjust to this new lifestyle.
Men can provide great childcare. We have the ability to love and nurture in our own way. My advice is to enjoy it while it lasts, even though raising the children can be the hardest job in the world. Remember, it's not going to last forever.
Learn more about this author, Christopher Howard.
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