Relationships & Family >
Crisis Support (Other)
RSS FeedAre some victims of rape irresponsible?
Results so far:
| No | 56% | 240 votes | Total: 425 votes | |
| Yes | 44% | 185 votes |
No
Write now
Print
Invite a writer™
Add to FavoritesWho, pray tell, is the human or organization that has the authority, the responsibility or the fall to determine which victims of rape are irresponsible and which victims of rape are not irresponsible? Will it be determined by a panel of men or a panel of a woman's peers, that, "Gee Mary, according to our criteria...hmm, let's see, here's the checklist, and if per chance for just 30 seconds of one day of your life, you happened to forget to 'check' off one of these, well, it was not your lucky day and gee Mary, how utterly irresponsible!" "Now, Mary," said the panel rep (luckily for Mary, a panel of her peers), "Let's go through these together, bearing in mind, you know, that it's been unanimously decided by a panel of your peers and even family members (yes, they wanted us to let you know their prayers are with you, and they hope you've behaved properly as they and we told you how to behave) that if you FAIL even one of these (stop crying Mary, I'm sure you did everything, you're such a smart, intelligent woman), well, you know the conclusion, it was totally irresponsible of you and you must suffer the repercussions of your digression from 'the way', the 'only way' to avoid being a victim of rape." At that the rep continued, "Now take a deep breath Mary, and remember, we are your friends, your 'sisters in arms'; answer when you are ready."
1. Were you drinking?
2. Were you walking alone down the street?
3. Did you hold your head up high and look straight ahead?
4. Were you walking with purpose, a strong and steady gait?
5. Did you have the keys for your car in your hand as you approached your car?
6. Was the rape whistle handy; did you have the maze in your purse?
7. Did you check to make sure no one followed you when you left the bar?
8. Did you ask anyone to walk to the parking lot with you?
9. Did you use the move you were taught to disarm the person who grabbed you?
10. Did you yell for help, try to defend yourself?
Let's assume that Mary gave the correct answer (according to the guidelines for being responsible or irresponsible) to 8 out of the 10 questions. Are you able to tell me whether she is responsible or irresponsible by that behaviour, even if she forgot only one? The point I am trying to make is how dare anyone judge a crime like this by a standard or even suggest that you can categorize and make it the same for any two victims?!
If I work the streets for a living, I am street savvy. I know the streets, they are my home, my turf - to me my safe haven because I know every nook and cranny; to me they are my home and I trust my little corner that I've carved out for me. Some woman walking down those streets, my streets, unfamiliar with the neighbourhood and not street savvy gets raped. Which of the two is irresponsible? It's a bad neighbourhood; drug trafficking, prostitution etc. Am I, the lady who works the street, more responsible than the woman who walks that particular street for the first time, or even her twelfth time - because it is not her "home turf?"
Am I irresponsible because of the way I dress; you know if I'm working the streets it sure as hell isn't going to be in a Gucci suit with matching purse and shoes. And yet the woman, who cuts through my street, dressed in the suit with the shirt buttoned to the neck, practically choking herself, not flaunting her sexuality - she gets raped, and I, dressed in practically nothing, well, I go untouched. Which of us is irresponsible?
I would rather it be said that of the two of us, she was unfortunate; in the wrong place at the wrong time! No one knows the why, where or when of something like this happening. It could and has happened in the safety of people's own homes, in broad daylight. Is the housewife who left the front door unlocked for the kids arriving home from school in 15 minutes, irresponsible? Certainly in my city a person would be nuts not to lock his or her doors behind them upon entering. But this woman lives in a quiet, residential neighbourhood; it's 3 o'clock on a hot sunny May afternoon. She just unlocked the door for 15 minutes. Was she irresponsible? She should have known better; she's heard the newscasts, read the news, watched the television reports.
How can one even contemplate using the word "irresponsible" in the same sentence as a "rape victim"? It is tantamount to re victimizing the victim!
I worked for years on the women's assault lines as a volunteer, as well as with Victim's Service and counselled full time in a women's shelter. I've worked with a lot of women who have been victims of rape - and they are just that, victims of rape; not irresponsible or responsible, not sluts or hookers or executives or mothers. They are women who's lives have been traumatized by rape; victims. I find it unfathomable to think that during my counselling days it was expected or even suggested that I try and ascertain whether or not they acted "responsibly enough" to avoid the assault.
The word "responsible" can be used - and that word is synonymous with the person who committed the crime of rape! By suggesting the woman's behaviour was irresponsible is suggesting that the man could thus be able to use that in his defense; "Gee your Honour, she walked down my street and she knew it was a bad neighbourhood, and she was like asking for it. It's not my fault. If she'd acted more responsibly then this wouldn't have happened!"
Responsibility is the word and it belongs to every perpetrator of a crime.
Learn more about this author, Shammah.
Click here to send Author comments or questions.
Yes
As someone who volunteers at sexual assault centers and safe houses, I have many years experience dealing with rape survivors. Unfortunately, I have learned that some survivors behave irresponsibly. Despite their behavior, no still means no and they are not responsible for the actions of their attacker. They are, however, responsible for their own actions.
A good example of this is "Tara." I was on-call at the sexual assault safe house when the call came in that one of us needed to go to the emergency room. An ambulance had brought in a young woman that had been beaten and raped by multiple assailants. She had requested someone from the sexual assault center be with her. This was not uncommon. Many of the police officers and nurses who helped these women suggested it. I had gone to the hospital several times before. I was next in line to go to the hospital so I quickly left the safe house.
I found Tara laying on a hospital bed covered in blankets. She had her back to me. She was shaking so violently, the entire bed rattled. I walked over to her and said my name. I was not prepared for what I was about to see when the young woman turned over.
Tara was a very close friend of me. She and I had worked together on several public relations campaigns for the sexual assault center. She and I gave speeches at several of the area's schools and women's health clubs. I was shocked to see her there.
I could barely recognize her. Tara's face was covered in bruises. Recently sutured cuts were around her eyes and nose. They were also under her chin. I could see bloody bald spots on her head where her attackers had torn out her red curls.
"I'm glad it is you," you told me in a raspy voice I didn't recognize as Tara's voice.
I stayed with her during the rape exam and when the police interviewed her. I was so proud of her. She was able to give them a lot of information about the slime that had hurt her. She even got a glimpse of the tag number of the car she had been thrown out of as it's driver left her for dead. She only saw three of the numbers, but that was a great clue for the police to follow-up. Tara was able to give small, yet specific, details of where she the attackers took her and what the attackers looked. She even remember the name of the body shop that had replaced the driver's side front fender on the second of October of the car she was in. Tara had memorized this information from a receipt she had found on the floorboard where she had been thrown.
I listened as she described the details of the attack. She had left the restaurant where she and her parents had eaten dinner. It was her parent's anniversary. She had a disagreement with her dad about paying for their meal with her credit card instead of cash. They had offered to walk out with her, but she declined. She going to leave a cash tip instead of putting it on her card.
"Dad won part of the argument," she said, trying to keep her sense of humor.
She was still upset about the fuss and forgot to hold her keys between her fingers they way she and I both told women to do; she hadn't even bothered to take them out of her purse. As she fumbled around in her purse for her keys, three men grabbed her and forced her into the backseat of her car.
"I didn't do any of the stuff I was told to the other women to do," she sobbed. "I thought about yelling fire like I was suppose to. The doorman would have heard me. I just thought they were going to rob me and let me go, so I didn't do scream. The next thing I knew, I was in their car."
Tara continued her story. Although empathic to her situation, I kept thinking of all the mistakes she had made. I understood that panic set in and she didn't think as clearly as she should have. However, there was no excuse for her not letting her parents walk her to her car. She wasn't scared when she forgot to get her keys out of her purse and how to hold them in her hand.
After the police left with more information then they usually would have gotten from the rape victim, she told me how badly she felt for what she had not done.
"I knew better. I told all those women what to do and what not to do, but I didn't do what I was suppose to do."
"This isn't your fault," I told her. "We all let our guard at times."
Tara is not responsible for what those things did to her. She is responsible for her actions before they got a hold of her. Tara knew this, too. Tara said no and that should have been enough, but it wasn't. She wasn't dressed provocatively, she wasnt drunk and going home with a stranger, and she wasn't walking in an unlit parking lot alone. None of those things, those mistakes woman make every day, would have made her to blame for what happened to her. They just that, mistakes women make. Women are responsible for those mistakes, but not for the actions of others who take advantage of their mistakes.
Women are responsible for their actions. That is, in part, is what makes us women instead of girls. Mistakes can and will be made, but never is a woman to blame for being raped. No means no. Don't means don't. Stop means stop. Whatever words a woman uses to let her attacker(s) know that what they are doing is not something she wants, that should be enough. It isn't though. Rape survivors can make careless mistakes; they can behave irresponsibly. Never, and I repeat , never are they responsible for the actions of others who take advantage of those errors!
Learn more about this author, Emma Riley Sutton.
Click here to send Author comments or questions.
Difference of opinion? Debate now.
- Crisis Support (Other)
- Should rape victims be interviewed by members of the same sex?
