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Add to FavoritesParents often are responsible for the behavior of their children as adults. Good parenting is very much reflected in the behavior of well adjusted grown children just as poor parenting has the unfortunate result of producing troubled adults. Parenting does make a difference in how kids are able to function in their later lives out in the adult world. Kids who are emotionally or physically abused, neglected, spoiled or who have their behaviors over compensated in childhood, often wind up with emotional, social or other difficulties as young adults. These behavioral problems will then need to be overcome before they are able to lead happy and productive lives as mature adults in a "grown up" world
Often parents who suffer from drug, alcohol or other social issues may not even bother to take the time to attempt to act as role models for their children, these kids are then forced to grow up without much of a true idea of what exactly is expected from them out in the adult world. They may also grow up displaying a variety of abnormal social and emotional behaviors that will have to be corrected within their adulthood. If they are unable to assimilate they remain dysfunctional people within society and often wind up with drug or alcohol problems themselves, in jail, or simply passing this unfortunate behavior pattern onto their own children.
Too often parents attempt to be 'friends' or 'buddies' with their children rather than taking the assertive step of guiding their children's behavior. In these situations the child is often given rewards for both positive and negative behavior and never really has the opportunity to learn the true consequences that can be associated with the two behaviors. Once they reach adulthood these kids often believe that they can do whatever they choose and there won't be a harsh punishment for their misbehaviors. They learn very quickly the truth and can wind up extremely frustrated and unable to deal with this new form of reality.
Another common parenting mistake occurs when individual parents vie for a child's affection, this is often most obvious in cases of divorce where one or another parent feels the need to overcompensate a child in the reduced time that they have together. Children learn early to play the game of putting one parent against the other in a bidding war for their time and attention. This is a trait that might work with their parents, but when they enter the real world as adults, this same little game can backfire on them very quickly. Allowing this type of behavior to occur in the first place can be the beginnings of a disillusioned and dysfunctional young adult in later years.
Poor parenting does carry over many negative behaviors into adulthood. Although you sometimes know that a young adult's behavior is inappropriate and deserves punishment, it is still sad when you hear the parents lamenting about their adult children's drug use or current jail conviction appearing in the local paper. The saddest part is that the parents don't really seem upset that their kids are participating in a criminal activity, they appear more concerned with the fact that their kids got caught, and that their activities are now public knowledge. Makes you kind of wonder if these parents even try to correct the mistakes now that should have been corrected a long time ago? If they might still try to instill some type of normalcy into their adult children's lives?
These kids didn't have to wind up where they are today, learning lessons in adulthood that should have been taken care of in childhood, but unfortunately they often do.
Do I believe that parents are responsible for the behavior of their adult children? In about eighty percent of the cases, definitely yes, these parents are the ones who taught their kids how to behave our society. Now society has to teach them the correct way.
Learn more about this author, Ladymermaid.
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No
As the twig is bent, so will the tree grow. Fortunately for us, our children are not twigs and they will not become a tree. Although there are many ways we can influence our children as they grow, they will still end up having their own "free will." That is, they can still make their own decisions and choose what they want to do. In fact, if we, as parents, do nothing else, we need to teach our children how to use their free will and decision making abilities.
There is definitely something to say for providing a good, sound, environment for your child. A positive upbringing will only give your children a head start, it doesn't guarantee anything though. There are so many external forces, working on every one of us, at all times, that to think the parent's influence is the only or the strongest one, may be a bit presumptive.
True, a child can learn much better, the younger they are. I have been told that the ages of two through six are the best years for teaching someone a foreign language. That makes sense to me. A child's mind is wide open, it is a blank slate, they have nothing but to learn. The more we can expose them to, the better their chances of learning, more and more.
To say a parent is responsible for how their child ends up as an adult, is as ludicrous as saying violent movies make someone a killer. If that were the case then too many love movies would make someone a gigolo, or too many comedies would make someone a clown, too many westerns would make someone a cowboy. Free will is what makes someone, anything. We all have the ability to say yes or no to any stimulus we may encounter.
I have certainly made the wrong decision several times in my life. It wasn't Mom's fault, or Dad's, it was mine. I didn't think things through or I went for the easy route instead of the smart one. I'm sure you can remember the time you made a wrong decision. Was it your fault or the fault of one or both of your parents?
I hold a lot of my Dad's personality characteristics today, some of my Mom's and even some of other prominent teachers in my life. But I hold them only because I want to. Nobody is to blame. This is one of our primary problems as a society today; we seem to always want to point the finger at someone other than ourselves. It's as though we cannot do anything for ourselves.
I married a lovely woman who already had two daughters; one of them is a sweetie and the other one can be compared to a truck driver. The truck driver screams at the top of her lungs at her Mom. She doubles up her fist and snarls until her teeth show. She makes a growling sound and cusses like a sailor, all because her Mom is in disagreement with her. Where did that come from? Certainly not her Mom, I would not have been interested in someone who carries on like that. This girl has made her own decision regarding how she will treat her Mom. It isn't a result of anything her Mom has done. For one thing, her other daughter would never, ever consider raising her voice to her Mom, let alone shake a fist at her and snarl and growl and cuss.
Parents are responsible for bringing the child into the world and for ensuring it nutrition and nurturing, until that child can take care of itself. That's where the responsibility stops. When the child is free to make decisions on their own, is when the parent's influence diminishes. No, the way your child acts as an adult has nothing to do with you as a parent, it has everything to do with that individual as an adult.
Learn more about this author, Gary Maclean.
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