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Are parents responsible for how their children act as adults?
Results so far:
| Yes | 52% | 907 votes | Total: 1758 votes | |
| No | 48% | 851 votes |
Yes
by Ganelle Davis
Created on: July 29, 2008 Last Updated: April 07, 2012
Parents aren't given a parenting guide or manual to make certain that their children become mature, responsible acting adults. Children will eventually grow into adults and make their own decisions and sometime make blatant mistakes in their life.Parents are not responsible for how their children act as adults. Sure,parents can set good examples and direct their children in the way they should go. However, sooner or later their adult children will have to take responsibility for their own actions.
Certainly, most of us have heard, "Train up a child in the way that they should go and when they grow old, they won't depart from it." Alas, this is not always true. There are many outside influences that may change their outlook on life and color their decisions. Most parents aren't with their adult children every hour of the day. Parents that take responsibility for the actions of their adult child may be seen as enablers of their adult child.
Responsibility is an adult characteristics. Hopefully your children will understand that their actions as adults will reflect their character and decision making inability.
Consider this scenario, An adult may decide not to pay their own parking tickets. It is not the responsibility of the parent to pay those parking tickets for their adult child. There is a certain amount of responsibility that goes along with being an adult. Adults pay their own way in life and adults pay for their own mistakes. There is a time when an adult must choose the course that they will follow in life. Choosing the wrong course or making wrong decisions may lead to an arrest for neglecting to pay those parking tickets.
Unfortunately,some adults may make poor choices and end up in dire circumstances. There are parents who have had to visit their adult child in jail. These adults have broken the law and ended up incarcerated because of their unlawful behavior.
There are also many people who will blame the parents for the sins of their children. Most will speculate,that they must have come from a bad home or had parents that didn't care about them.
Most children, after they reach their latter teen years will say,"I'll be glad when I'm grown, because then I can do what I want to." They may not be taking into consideration the responsibilities of adulthood. Yes, by law they can make poor choices. They may not realize that the law will hold them accountable and not their parents for their poor choices.
The old nursery rhyme gives caution. "If you wish to dance to the music, you will have to pay the piper." Parents don't pay the piper, the adult dancing to the music is the one that pays the piper.
Mistakes are part of human nature and some mistakes may be a part of reaching adulthood. There will be times when an adult child will not heed the advice or wisdom of their parent. So, why blame the parent for their foolish choices?
Learn more about this author, Ganelle Davis.
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No
by Ember Roberts
Created on: March 05, 2010
Ah. And the age-old excuse returns. I could quite easily sit back now and say, "Mother, I am clinically depressed and unable to deal with it. And it's all your fault." There. The blame is passed. I can now continue screwing up without feeling guilty.
Except, it's not that easy. I am afraid I seem to have grown up; I am aware of the fact that ultimately I am my own person.
Yes, it is true that the child is an extension of the parent. Children are invariably affected by how they are bought up and made to understand the world. But part of the transition into adulthood is learning to question those statements which we have been taught as reality. One of the main reasons why adolescence is such a difficult time (G. Stanley Hall's definition of it as a time of "storm and stress" works wonderfully here) is because, as teenagers, we begin to doubt things that were before perceived as true.
Perhaps, at a stretch, we can blame our parents for who we become. My anxiety disorder has been linked to the actions of my mother; my brother's emotional incapacity is a reaction to overtly-emotional parents. However, parents are not responsible for how their children chose to handle who they are.
I could easily decide to lock myself in a room and never leave again because I am scared of what is outside. That wouldn't be my mother's fault. As we grow older, responsibility shifts from our parents to us. My other life experiences - school, work, relationships - have all effected who I am and can all explain why I chose to lock myself in a room. I can blame the world in general, if I feel it'll help. Blaming my mother would just be evil.
Onto the matter of psychotic behaviour in adults. Should parents be held responsible for their adult children's actions? Children aren't collies. They aren't easily trained. Each is born with their own personality and the parents can't be held accountable if that personality turns out to be volatile. That would be like punishing the trainer when a prize dog learns to bite. There are some things that parent's simply cannot control and it is inevitable that their children will pick up bad habits from other people.
If the trainer abused that dog, that would be another matter. But child abuse and its consequences are, in my opinion, a different topic all together; after all, the people in question are monsters, not parents.
In conclusion: by all means, hold parents responsible for the actions of their adult children. I agree that they are responsible for helping their child deal with any consequences; that is part of being a parent. But there is no sustainable argument for parents being held accountable for something their grown-up child does.
Learn more about this author, Ember Roberts.
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