Are parents overprotecting teens?

No

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by Ruth Woodhouse

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Generally speaking, I should think most parents are not by any means overprotecting their teens. Many could do to give them a lot more protection than they do. Times have changed dramatically since I was a teenager in the 70s and teenagers are exposed to far more hideous and complex dangers than we were.

Teenagers today may seem much more sophisticated and mature than we were, but essentially they really are still extremely vulnerable and dependent on their parents to protect them from the insidious evil traps that they can all too easily fall into. Without such protection they all too easily become the prey of very cunning and skilled predators who are prowling around looking for the young of their species to devour.

If teenagers are being overprotected, I would like to know why such an alarming percentage of them are having their lives destroyed by all kinds of evils? It seems more than obvious to me that our young people are sorely in need of greater protection from these evils that they are so susceptible to. Their parents, their leaders, their community and society as a whole have a solemn responsibility to consistently provide this critical protection throughout those vulnerable teen years.

It all begins at home though. Parents must be the ultimate protectors of their children - and childhood does not end at puberty. That is often the focal point of the greatest challenges that parents must monitor very closely. It is characterised by some of the most potentially destructive influences and often cunningly disguised threats to their well-being, safety and even their very lives.

Certainly they need to be allowed to exercise a certain amount of freedom and independence in their teens. It's neither fair nor healthy to tie them to your apron strings and deny them opportunities to spread their wings a little. In the long run they will flounder when they do get out into the real world if they have not had any experience of it. What's more, they are likely to break out and rebel in a big way if they feel too strictly confined.

But really I would doubt that such excessive confinement is at all common in western society at least. Even kids whose parents would possibly attempt to put the brakes on their independence a bit too hard would usually be quite expert at winning their own battles. Surely most parents would recognize that their teens need some degree of freedom to develop their own lives away from the nest. It's only the natural way of things.

It's vital though that the parents are never too far away and that they closely monitor their teen's activities and company and keep the lines of communication open. They need to be aware of all the important details of their child's social lives.

The ultimate mistake is to just let them go and do their own thing and have blind faith that they will be mature enough to stay out of trouble. No teenager is invincible or bullet-proof, even though they may think they are. No matter how sensible and level-headed they may be, they can unwittingly become entangled in something potentially harmful.

Every parent owes it to their kids to see their task through till they are fully-fledged adults. Sure, nobody can watch their teen every moment - and there will always be the cases where they get into trouble, no matter how well they are supervised. Many of these experiences will serve to teach them important lessons. But the chances of disaster can be minimised by an appropriate amount of protection.

I believe one of the best ways to protect teens, while giving them a certain measure of freedom and independence, is to encourage them to be involved in good youth groups, sports, music, dance and drama productions, etc. Teens have intense needs of socialisation and being involved with their peers. It is vital to their all-round personal development, self-confidence, self-esteem and emotional well-being.

If they can be given the opportunities to do this with a certain degree of structure it's like putting safety fences around their freedom. They are much less likely to roam into dangerous fields and get involved with undesirable or even downright evil company.

It's easier too for parents to be aware of where they are and what they are doing and to feel a higher degree of confidence that they don't need you to be prying into their activities. It allows more freedom and confidence on both sides of the equation.

Of course it's still important to monitor these activities at reasonably regular intervals. There are no one hundred percent guarantees of safety wherever they are. What's more your teen needs to know you are interested in and caring about what they are doing. But they won't have to feel that you are breathing down their neck or keeping tabs on their every move.

Of course there will still be times when they will want to go places and do things independently of these activities. But the more of their time is involved in such healthy and positive interest groups, the less will be left over for less supervised activities. Young minds that are unoccupied with directed pursuits for too long are in grave danger of straying into dangerous places or misadventure one way or another - often simply because they are bored.

Once they become well-established in a certain group of friends from such settings too, parents can feel more at ease when they allow them out on their own occasionally for more informal outings. Still they need boundaries to be clearly defined. It's important for them to know their parents' expectations, to have times set for being home, to know what places they must not go, to keep their parents informed of where they are, etc.

It's a fair thing for parents to chauffeur them places or to know who they are travelling with. It's also to be expected that they will be required to be home a reasonable amount of the time and not keep late hours. Teenagers need to have plenty of sleep, to give appropriate time to their school studies and to be nurtured within their family environment a reasonable percentage of their time. Such restrictions are not overprotection by any means. They are simply good parenting.

In many ways kids are being pushed by our society to grow up too quickly these days. This is to their great disadvantage and even significant peril. It's time this trend was arrested and that we recognized, as did past generations, that teens are still children in dire need of nurture and protection.

No species has such complicated issues to deal with as human beings - and those issues are becoming more complex as time goes by. Yet I'm sure many animal species could teach us a lot about how vital it is to nurture, protect and keep close reins on our young until they are fully mature. We would do well to remember it's a jungle out there.

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