Should you let your teenager smoke at home?

No

1 of 18

by Karon Brandt

• 

Write now Print Invite a writer™ Add to Favorites RSS Feed Contact this writer

Smoking used to be "cool." Everyone smoked. Television ads, magazine ads, billboards blitzed peoples' minds with the idea that smoking was OK.

Today, we are much more enlightened, and we know the dangers of smoking. Cigarettes contain over 400 known carcinogens. Many addicted smokers are now paying big bucks to break their addiction. Some say it is a harder addiction to break than a cocaine habit.

Parents should not allow or encourage underage smoking in their homes. It is illegal for children to buy or use cigarettes. To enable a child to maintain an expensive smoking habit usually requires outside help from older kids or parents. The parental role comes foremost to protect children. If a child were caught using drugs or alcohol, while under aged, a parent might express outrage and great concern. But they often soften on the "lesser" evil of smoking because they themselves are caught up in the addiction.

Parents are not "pals" when it comes to teaching the difference between safe and unsafe behaviors. They are the authority figures. They should try to be role models, but if they themselves smoke, they should still set limits on their kids. Parents must make the rules to be followed while children are in their care. If you have to use the "Do as I say, not as I do" rule, stick to it for the love of your children.

I remember being in the hospital when I was not yet 3 years old. I had asthma, and the hospital staff kept me in a netted crib. I remember my mother sitting by the open window, smoking a cigarette. Ignorance ruled back then, about 60 years ago.

Both of my parents smoked. Both had cigarette holes in many night robes, pants, shirts, and blankets. I saw holes in bedding, padded chairs, and wood furniture. I always worried that one of them would fall asleep while smoking, and start a fire. When my dad developed emphysema and had to use oxygen in the home, my mother continued to smoke. Dad would, too, but he didn't "inhale."

After Dad developed a heart problem and was warned that smoking could assure an earlier death, and loss of quality of life, my dad quit smoking, after 52 years.

I loaned my parents a Stiffel lamp and a white oak dresser. By the time I got them back, the silken shade was yellowed and disintegrated to the touch. I replaced it. The old family dresser had three major burn marks we were never able to remove.

Eventually Dad died. Smoke damage to his heart and lungs probably shortened his quality of life.

My mother, too, developed emphysema. The doctor asked her to quit smoking. But she couldn't. She needed oxygen at home for over a year. Then she went into the hospital for surgery and had to go into rehab for 6 weeks of recovery. No smoking allowed. After 62 years, my mother quit smoking and now lives fully functioning and off oxygen. She is 83. She will be the first to tell anyone, smoking is not a good idea.

As the child of smokers, I never allowed my children to smoke in my home and strongly recommended that they not start the self-destructive habit.

One son took up smoking while he was in college. I have offered motivation - financial help to buy the patches, money for hypnotherapy, a "bribe gift" - if he would give up smoking for at least two months. I figure that might break the cycle, and he wouldn't willingly re-start once he saw how much money he saved by not smoking. At $48 a carton, he could put the money to much better use.

So far, nothing has worked, and he is among the addicted. He does not have children. His fiancee has strongly urged him to quit. The best he can do is not smoke in his new car.

If you think of smoking in the same category as illegal use of underage alcohol or drugs, you might find it easier to enforce the rules. Do it out of love.

It is illegal to supply under-aged teenagers with cigarettes, alcohol or marijuana. How does a parent rationalize, "I will not allow you to drink or use drugs, but I'll let you smoke, even though you're under-aged"?

Smoking is knowingly causing hundreds of thousands of deaths annually.

Secondhand smoke affects infants and young (meaning, trapped-within-the-t oxic environment) children because of their lower body weight. It shortens lives, including pets. It can kill pet birds outright.

Smoking is not "cool." It is quite disgusting to smell smoke on someone's clothing or body. Smoking is illegal in many public places. It is not allowed in most work places. Bosses do not want to hire smokers, who tend to have more health problems, be less productive, and die younger than the national average.

Of course, a teenager might sneak a smoke, or a joint, or a few drinks. No parental role model should "condone" this. Parents should not smoke around children, in public places, or at their jobs. Smokers are becoming pariahs and have to stand out in the cold or sit on a curb to inhale their necessary drug. It no longer looks "cool." It looks pathetic.

Logically, a responsible parent would try to overcome the addiction himself/herself and set the example that smoking is not OK.

Get help. Get the patch. Try hypnosis or psychotherapy or chewing gum. Do yourself and your children a favor. Quit smoking for your own health's sake and forbid your children to smoke around you. Make your home a "smoke-free" zone.

If children must sneak a smoke, they will have that on their consciences. Open a discussion and explain that you love them too much to allow them to poison their bodies while they are developing. Tell them, if it is true, you are very sorry you ever took up the habit because you know it affects your arteries, your lungs, your quality of life, and your longevity.

With openness and transparency, they should try harder to please you, to be truthful, and quit the habit, or not take it up in the first place. It has been shown that the younger you are when you start, the harder it is to break the addiction, and the more damage it does to growing bodies.

The role of parents is to prevent harm to their children, to protect them, to encourage them not to develop bad habits, to set good examples, to be open and honest about things that cause them harm.

Smoking is a harmful addiction. No parent can say that's OK.

Learn more about this author, Karon Brandt.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.