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| No | 80% | 505 votes | Total: 632 votes | |
| Yes | 20% | 127 votes |
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Add to FavoritesThe question of whether or not a manager should date an employee is about as old as the very concept of employment, itself. It's probably about as old as the question of whether or not a manager should hire a member of their family, or their spouse. The best way to answer any of these questions would be to say "not anymore."
Originally, "businesses" were completely a "family-affair". Dad was "the Boss". Mom was his "Second-in-Command". The eldest son was eventually going to take over the business. This was never disputed. That's just the way things were. Girlfriends and boyfriends were actually encouraged to work in the business, and continued there after they married into the family. That was then, this is now, and, with very few exceptions, times have changed.
About ten years ago, I was the Store Manager of an extremely popular and profitable business. Both the company and the industry were really in their heyday, I was very happy, I actually enjoyed going to work every day; and all was right with the world. Then SHE came into my store.
I'm going to call her "Kate". She was thin, and lovely, and seemed truly elegant. My first thought was "wow!", and my second was "what clever thing can I say to this girl that'll get her to go out with me?". I didn't need to think for very long, because, a moment later, she asked me if I was hiring.
As soon as Kate asked me that, I mentally "shrugged my shoulders", and put aside any romantic thoughts that I might have had at the time. Her question put me into "Manager Mode", and I took her over to the computer to take the pre-employment quiz.
The way I'd looked at it, if she actually passed the quiz, which almost NOBODY did, I'd hire her in a microsecond; because I was that desperate to get qualified employees. If she didn't pass it, she'd be as disappointed as everyone else who'd failed it before her; and she'd be out the door as soon as the test was over. Neither case seemed particularly conducive to our starting out any kind of a romantic relationship. In retrospect, I wish I'd been right!
Kate passed the test easily, and I started to interview her for the job. She was doing amazingly well at it, but, right in the middle of the interview, my work day ended, and I asked her if she wouldn't mind finishing it the next day. It was at that moment that Kate asked me the one question that turned this into a focal point in the "history book" that was my life. She asked me if we could continue the interview over dinner...her treat. Without even thinking about it, I agreed; and a new chapter in that history book was begun.
Soon Kate was working for me, and we were very close friends. Then, one day, she asked me if I could help her to close a window in her apartment that was stuck open, after work. I saw no harm in it, so, again, I agreed. By the next day, Kate and I were "involved"; and yet another new chapter was begun. This chapter would not be quite as pleasant as the ones that had come before it.
Kate had always worked the same scheduled hours as I did. That was an established fact, everybody at the company knew about it, and nobody thought anything of it. As soon as my other employees found out that Kate and I were dating, however, this suddenly seemed to rise to the same level as the assassination of President Kennedy. There was shock, and there was surprise. There was anger, and there was outrage. There was a host of conspiracy theories, and I think that Oliver Stone was briefly considering turning the whole thing into a follow-up movie to "JFK".
I suppose that I should, at this point, mention that I was also one of the best employees in that particular company at the time. I had a wall full of awards, which company policy insisted were displayed where all of the customers could see them; and the District Manager came by my store at least once a month to give me another one or two of them. As such, I wasn't the slightest bit uncomfortable when he showed up at my door one rainy Tuesday morning; but the question he asked took me rather by surprise.
"Is it true about you and Kate?" he asked me.
I responded that it was, that it didn't effect business in the least, and that it wasn't even a matter for discussion, because Kate and I always maintained a professional relationship in the workplace. He responded that it was against company policy for employees to date, and he rather "generously" gave me a week to not only find a "diplomatic" way to break off my relationship with Kate, but also to find a way to keep her happily employed with the company.
I responded to my then District Manager that I didn't need the week that he had so graciously offered, because I had no intention of breaking up with Kate. First, I pointed out to him that we all knew that Kate and I were the best employees that he had in his District, and that he couldn't afford to fire either of us. Then, I pointed out to him that Kate and I had just become engaged; and that he should, in fact, be offering us his congratulations. Unfortunately, he didn't quite see things that way.
To sum things up quickly, he fired Kate on the spot. I told him that really wasn't a very smart decision for him to make, and quit within a few moments of his firing her. To be quite fair, I really did fully expect that my quitting would cause him to change his mind about firing Kate, and that everything would continue as before. Obviously, I was wrong. I pulled my awards down off the wall, stuck them in my attache case, and Kate and I left the store; hand in hand.
After this incident, Kate and I found a nice company that not only allowed employees to date, and was within a five minute drive of our home, but also paid wages that were about 30% higher than we'd been getting previously. It seemed like all of our employment prayers had been answered, and that we'd gotten to that part of the Fairy Tale where it says "...and They Lived Happily Ever After", but life is not a "fairy tale"; and rules exist for a reason.
I found out that, once our relationship had received general corporate approval, Kate no longer saw the need to "be on her best behavior", and was actually a TERRIBLE employee. She very quickly made the transition from being "a highly-motivated sales representative who had to prove her worth to the company every single day" to being "the Boss' fiance who has nothing to worry about, because there's no way she could ever end up getting fired, anyway".
Soon she became so secure in that position that, not only didn't she seem to care that her sales rate dropped like a stone, but she also became down-right unpleasant to work with. Something had to be done, and even I wasn't sure what it was.
I had a counseling session with Kate. Nothing came of it. I had another. Still nothing came of it. I "wrote her up" for inadequate performance. She shrugged it off. Things just went from bad to worse to worse than bad.
Finally, in the middle of a store-wide inventory, she announced that she didn't "feel like" working anymore, and that she would see me later at home. What she apparently didn't realize was that at that moment she wasn't "Fiance Kate", she was "Employee Kate". I told "Employee Kate" that, if she walked out of the store at that moment, she'd never need to worry about coming back in. She kept on walking, and I had the dubious distinction of being a man who had to fire a girl whom he'd quit another job over.
It gets even better, because that isn't where it ended. She didn't ever care that she'd been fired. In fact, she was actually TRYING to get herself fired. She figured that she shouldn't need to worry about working anymore, since we would be getting married soon; and she'd be becoming a full-time housewife, anyway. It was at THIS point that I found out that, as bad an employee as Kate had let herself become, she'd let herself become an even worse housewife. It really came as no surprise to anyone when our engagement ended, about two months later.
As I had said back at the beginning of this piece, this was about ten years ago. Since that time, both Kate and I have dated other people who we met at work. Not surprisingly, these relationships eventually failed, as well. We eventually found our "true" loves from outside of the workplace, and we are both currently happily married to them.
What happened to both of us, I believe, is more than adequate proof that Manager/Employee relationships should always be kept strictly professional. Certainly, there will always be a very powerful allure to the concept of "indulging in the temptations of the forbidden fruit". In spite of this, we must remember that "forbidden" fruit is "forbidden" for a reason.
Was my dating Kate worth violating a policy handed down by the Corporate powers-that-be, and eventually being thrown out of "Business Paradise"? Was Adam's eating a mouthful of apple worth violating a policy handed down by the Spiritual powers-that-be, and being thrown out of "Religious Paradise"? Perhaps the comparison is a bit extreme, but forbidden fruit is forbidden fruit, and it seems clear that the appropriate answer to the question, in both cases, would be an unequivocal NO.
Learn more about this author, John S. Gebbia.
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Yes
A recent poll* of 10 000 married couples found that approximately 20% of couples met while at work. This is the same percentage as those who met through friends. Latching on to a good relationship can be so difficult these days that more people are jumping on the band-wagon of trying internet dates. This is particularly the case because our intense focus on work can sometimes leave few opportunities to meet anyone outside the work circuit. So yes, I see no reason why you shouldn't date someone at the office, even if one holds a higher position; the office is as good a place to meet good friends and more as anywhere else.
That said, it is important to conduct such a relationship discreetly. There are a few considerations to bear in mind before allowing the relationship to ignite, and several more considerations to temper the fervour of the flame during the relationship itself. Unlike most relationships, an office romance, especially one where one party holds a higher position, must take into account the community of workers within the work environment. This is not just a relationship between the two of you - those in management and your co-workers can all feel the pressure of your relationship and this is something you must work on to ensure it doesn't have negative repercussions.
Not all social relationships in the office are healthy of course; the office is not the place for one-night stands and casual social flings. Such histories in the workplace can lead to strained relationships and antagonism. Many people who have problems in their relationships at home can find solace as they immerse themselves into work in the office. Those with a failed office romance will find little chance for such an escape.
Before even going into an office relationship, it is important to check on company policies concerning such relationships. Some companies may insist on shifting one worker to another department, or in the case of a manager who may have a direct impact on the review of his subordinate, the company will usually shift the latter to another manager. The reality is that in such a relationship, you are both office colleagues and a couple. As office colleagues, you must be impartial in your dealings with work, so that everyone can feel that in the areas such as allocation of work, chances of promotions and job security, no one outside your relationship will lose out. Not all companies have the resources to ensure your work profiles can be adjusted to accommodate this. And it is certainly not advisable to hide such a relationship because it can get very messy if and when the news leaks. So before even getting into the relationship, consider if it is worth the effects it may have on your careers.
Once in the relationship, every effort must be made to maintain a professional relationship in the office. Even while colleagues may know about your relationship, it is important that you keep your discussions during work hours on work. Ensure your lunch and coffee breaks are taken with your usual colleagues and keep clear of cosy chats in the corner with your love interest. It is natural for colleagues to feel suspicious of whatever little time you may take out of work hours to socialise with a love interest, and your superiors will be even less tolerant of any sign that work is being affected.
In an office relationship, the challenge is to balance on the tightrope. While you would want to feed the new relationship with all the romance it deserves, you must not allow it to get so top heavy that it starts rubbing office politics the wrong way.
*Poll results based on a article dated 18th August 2008, "Looking For True Love - Go on Internet" in Mirror.co.uk.
Learn more about this author, Judith Morais.
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