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RSS FeedVenting stress: Can too much complaining hurt a relationship?
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| Yes | 96% | 717 votes | Total: 746 votes | |
| No | 4% | 29 votes |
Yes
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Add to FavoritesToo much complaining and venting in any relationship can sever ties. No one likes a kill-joy, an Eeyore personality, a whiner. That's not to say keeping all your frustrations to yourself is a good thing, either. There should be a healthy balance between venting and lending a listening ear to someone else's plights. It also means spending time talking with those same people you vent to about other things. No one has a life solely filled with pain! Celebrate the good times!
I know there are times when my husband complains about work, but I tend to have more issues to talk about with work and my relationships with friends and family members. He listens without trying to solve my problem until I ask for help. But let's face it: having a conversation can be draining, whether it's positive or negative. Spending time alone to hear your thoughts is a great way to get a handle on what plagues you. To make it less stressful on my husband and I, particularly if he is on brain overload from his day, I like to enter my thoughts in a journal. Writing about my issues is cathartic, because I can say what I want without the danger of being judged. And when I'm done, I can throw it away without a care, then move on to other things.
I know there have been darker times in my life where I've vented a bit too much with other people, my husband included. In hindsight, I am embarrassed, because I didn't mean to make it seem like I don't have a handle on my life. I do, and I'm a Christian, to boot. Which means I have eternal hope in things working out for the best, whatever the situation. It's just that being human, I can only take so much before I snap under pressure and start doubting myself. That's when I'm in danger of seeming like I am a mess. What makes it worse are my OCD tendencies, causing anxieties and the fear of "what ifs". I know that drives my husband insane, because it is too speculative for his taste. He is a "fact-and-reason" man, who thinks logically on all matters. If only I could be so lucky!
There have been different people in my life at various times who wore me out with their own tales of woe. I still keep in touch with them, but am often hesitant to ask how they are doing, for fear they will unload on me, or try to bring my good mood down by offering pessimistic sentiments. I do try to be as tolerant as I can, though, because when someone is venting to you, he or she isn't aware of the other person's feelings, and isn't looking for a lecture or for you to dismiss his or her views. Anything that I say or do to downplay the issue then comes across as being trite or insincere. So the only things I can do are to listen and limit my time. Then I pray for that person in private time with God, and surround myself with positive-thinking people and activities, so that I don't get dragged down.
Learn more about this author, Natasha L. Kohlhoff Polak.
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No
Too much of ANYTHING can hurt a relationship, this doesn't just relate to "complaining". Venting to your partner about day to day things is a great way to get some stress release, as long as you also allow your partner the freedom to do the same. It's common courtesy in any relationship to listen to one another, and to share ups and downs, just so you know what your significant other is feeling. But both of you have to be willing to communicate. If your relationship communication is limited ONLY to venting and complaining, that's where problems set in! If you or your partner are complaining with the expectation that the other "fix" the problem, that will also cause problems in a relationship.
In moderation, complaining and venting stress is good in a relationship. And, in moderation, will help both of you to know what issues need to be fixed, or what the other is dealing with. Doing nothing BUT complaining, however, will do nothing but tear your relationship down and bring both of you to an unhealthy place in your relationship. Complaining ABOUT the other person TO them, is NEVER a healthy way to "vent" or deal with stress. Try to avoid complaining about your partner to them... Try discussing issues WITH them, instead. This will be far more effective than just randomly complaining and "venting", and gives you both an opportunity to relieve whatever might be stressing the two of you out.
Hearing CONSTANT complaining can wear on a person, and a relationship very quickly. Even if you don't live together, it gets old if the only thing you hear out of a person's mouth when you have contact with them, is nothing but complaining. Try keeping this in mind when talking to your partner... If you're wanting to just vent about a bad day, then go for it... If you're just wanting to do nothing but complain for an extended time, then think twice about it. Nothing's worse than being in a relationship with someone who begins to sound like a "harpy" the minute they open their mouth. Make sure that you aren't doing NOTHING but complaing everytime you speak, and also allow your partner the same courtesy of being able to vent about his/her bad day, experiences, etc.
Yes, there is such a thing as too much complaining, but to me, that means that it's CONSTANT complaining with the expectation that someone will do something about whatever you're complaining about. I don't think complaining, even often, will hurt a relationship, as long as both partners are allowed to vent as needed.
Learn more about this author, Samantha Vincent.
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