Yes

by Norma Budden

Created on: March 28, 2008

Chronic complaining kills relationships. There is no mild way to phrase the awful truth of having to deal with people who continually complain. The tragedy is that many chronic complainers don't realize they complain as much as they do. They go through life muttering about one thing or another while the people around them try to turn a deaf ear, but it's not always possible.

People who complain a lot tend to worsen the moods of everyone they come into contact with; happy people become irritated, and disheartened people become more upset. For the period of time people are around chronic complainers, it can be somewhat difficult to remember all the good that exists in life.

Chronic complainers can't usually find good in anything or anyone and, on the few occasions when good is found in a situation, it is a short-lived moment. Soon afterward, things return to normal with the complainer in full swing.

Generally, people are prone to embracing happy individuals or those who deal with life's struggles with an optimistic attitude. Understanding that situations do arise for everyone which will bring out their worst, people still tend to forgive an average person of their faults far more quickly than they would a chronic complainer.

A chronic complainer seems to get on everyone's nerves, even the nerves of other chronic complainers. It's interesting how a complainer hears the complaints others make - which drives them crazy - but doesn't realize the characteristic in themselves.

Dealing with chronic complainers in the work place causes employees to have an unlimited supply of stress added to their daily tasks. Employees are happy to get home at the end of the day to get a break from all the negativity but they dread going back to work the following day, preferring to quit on some occasions.

However, dealing with chronic complainers at home is worse for people. Unless they are at work, running errands, or socializing, the only break their ears receive is when the complainers go to sleep or go out themselves. In such cases, work is looked at as more of a sanctuary than being at home.

After working all day inside, or outside, of the home, people wish to relax instead of having to deal with continual complaints. When everything they do seems to be wrong or gets finished too late, and appreciation doesn't appear to be anywhere in sight, it can put a huge strain on any relationship in the home. Depression can easily set in because people begin to wonder what the use is in continuing to try when nothing is good enough. For children involved, it may bring their level of self-esteem to an all-time low.

Chronic complainers often have so much in life to be grateful for. They just need to adjust their attitudes and force themselves into speaking only good things, and remaining silent if they can't think of anything good to say about someone or something.

Sometimes it seems the best remedy in dealing with chronic complainers is to give them a sample of what life is like listening to constant complaints. For a change, complain about everything they do, even when they do a good job. Keep complaining and muttering about how slow and inefficient they are. They may look at you strangely but don't let it deter you. In fact, you may find they don't complain as often when they hear complaints all the time themselves.

Keep complaining anyway and, without warning, when the complainers do a great job, tell them so. They may look surprised at your words of kindness but it may spur a discussion which could benefit everyone. Perhaps the complainers' eyes will have opened and chronic complaining will become a thing of the past - as soon as the habit of muttering and complaining has passed.

Learn more about this author, Norma Budden.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.