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Is it your duty to support your elderly parents financially when the need arises?
Results so far:
| Yes | 77% | 791 votes | Total: 1021 votes | |
| No | 23% | 230 votes |
Yes
by Carlson Montour
Created on: October 29, 2009
"Conduct based on moral or legal obligation, or a sense of propriety" is one of Webster's definitions of the word duty. One's obligation to their parents, at least for now, is not a legal obligation. Is it a moral obligation?
If there were an easy answer to this question, there would be no need to ask it. As our society evolves, this issue of one's obligations to elderly parents will be raised more frequently. A number of today's elderly citizen's live comfortably on pensions received from long-term employment with one company. For example, steelworkers and autoworkers were unionized and negotiated relatively lucrative retirement plans. However, baby boomers that are approaching retirement now are somewhat less likely to be taken care of by their employers. Their offspring are even less likely to have employer-sponsored retirement and pension plans. One can assume that, because of medical advances and a focus on healthy lifestyles, people will tend to live longer. A longer life expectancy paired with less money may result in a drastic increase in the number of elderly outliving their money supply.
Looking at the big picture, this can be seen as a societal problem. From this perspective the problem seems overwhelming. But if you break it down, it is first a family problem and families are morally obligated to solve it within their family.
The family is the foundation that our society is built upon. It is where we learn right from wrong, gain a sense of belonging, and develop character traits that enable us to function as contributing members of the social groups to which we belong
Most parents spend long years sacrificing in order to provide their children shelter, food, a nurturing environment, and the other basics of life. They do this with no expectation of being rewarded or repaid by their children. Their payment comes from the satisfaction of seeing their dedication to their kids result in them becoming successful, compassionate, and responsible adults. Many parents would measure the success of their offspring in terms of their financial status, country club memberships, or ownership of the most expensive vehicles. They are more likely to brag about how their son is such a dedicated father and husband or what a loving and devoted mother and wife their daughter is.
The life of an individual follows a pathway of developmental stages that require new demands and obstacles to overcome. Similarly, a family goes through stages of change as each generation moves up a rung on the ladder. One generation is being born and another is passing on. Just as individuals must react to and overcome the challenges of their personal development, the family must makes changes to accommodate the new demands of its next phase.
For these reasons, adult children are obligated morally to assist their elderly parents in any way they can. The obligation is not just to the parents. They are obligated to their children to set a standard of family loyalty. They are obligated as members of a caring and compassionate society to strengthen that society by providing for those in need.
Helping elderly parents financially can take many forms. Not all adult children are in a position to be giving their parents large amounts of money. But most could, for example, cut the grass for them every week so they don't have to pay someone else to do it. Financial help could be provided by helping them get connected with social assistance programs offered by government programs, non-profit agencies, religious groups, etc. Assistance may involve helping your parents make some difficult decisions necessary to improve their financial situation. Regardless of the form the assistance takes, there is a moral obligation to help them in some way.
In some very dire circumstances, adult offspring may find it necessary to make major sacrifices in order to help their parents. But we do it because they are our parents and they taught us right from wrong, they showed us that loyalty to family is crucial, and that character is the true measure of a person. They also taught us that character is measured by what we give to others when we can least afford to give it.
Learn more about this author, Carlson Montour.
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No
by Carol Gioia
Created on: February 10, 2008 Last Updated: December 02, 2011
While you have no legal obligation to assist elderly parents with financial issues or any other problems they may encouter in their advancing years, your moral conscience might dictate the propriety of taking care of your family, including parents, should the need arise.
Some parents are financially well off and can continue to provide for their own needs. Others are living on a limited income and, as the cost of living increases year after year, may find themselves struggling to make ends meet.
When the day comes that elderly parents need assistance, often pride will prevent them from asking for help. They would rather do without than be a burden to their children. In addition, after being the parent and caretaker for so many years, it is not easy to pass the torch to the next generation. Elderly parents will often continue gestures of generosity long after their financial ability to do so has decreased.
It is the adult child's turn to be vigilant and sensitive to the situation. Paying close attention with a spirit of care and compassion will enable the adult child to discern the needs of elderly parents. You are not obligated to help, for often, in these difficult economic times, it is all you can do to help yourself. You can, however, find small ways to improve the quality of your parents' life without compromising your own situation, or feeling pressured by others to do so.
The needs often are likely to fall into three categories: Financial, physical and emotional. The assistance required is sometimes minimal and can be incorporated into the adult child's life in such a way that the pride of the elderly parent remains intact.
* Financial needs
Even those on a limited income can often provide their own food and shelter. It is the extras that they will do without. An adult child can help by inviting the parent to dinner on a regular basis. One extra plate at the table will not be noticable in the budget, but can make a major impact on the grocery expense for the elderly parent. Take the parent shopping and slip some special items into the cart. Take his car for a tune up and graciously pay the bill. Incorporate his cable bill into your own. Gift your elderly parent with a generous check enclosed in a card on holidays and special occasions.
* Physical needs
Often the elderly cannot afford, nor do they want, to move out of their house, and yet maintenance costs are prohibitive. Hire a gardener to upkeep the yard during the summer months and arrange to have the snow shoveled during the winter months. If you cannot afford the added expense, volunteer a couple of hours on a Saturday morning to do these chores yourself. You will be assisting your parent's independence, and adding quality and peace of mind to his life at the same time. Offer to drive your parent to errands and medical appointments. When you visit, check to see if batteries need changing in the smoke alarm, or do other minor tasks. Every little effort makes a big difference and forestalls the possibility of your parent needing "take charge" assistance.
* Emotional needs
Make frequent phone calls and visits to insure your elderly parent is not suffering from lonliness or depression. Have family gatherings at your house to enable your parent to socialize with other family members without incurring the expense of hosting. Accompany your elderly parent to church. If your parent has a pet absorb the cost of grooming and vetinary fees.
Anything you can do to increase the quality of your parent's life will increase the quality of your own life. Knowing you are doing your best to give back to someone who perhaps dedicated the largest portion of his or her life to caring for you will give you a sense of well being and the additional benefit of peace of mind.
If your elderly parent is fortunate enough to enjoy good health, he will live longer and eventually progress from being independent to requiring limited assistance to ultimately being wholly dependent. If you have been with your parent through all the stages, you will have no guilt or remorse when the day comes that your parent needs specialized care which you cannot, and should not, provide. You will relinquish him to a nursing facility where professionals can take up the torch in your stead.
All of these comments are based on the supposition that you have a good relationship with your elderly parent. If this is not the case, it still behooves you to accept limited responsibility of assisting when necessary. How you take care of your elderly parent is more about the person you are than it is about the parent.
It is only possible to feel your best when you know somewhere out there the person who gave you life has come full circle and needs you, and you are answering the call to the best of your ability. Be there for your parent, even if he was not always there for you. The example of behavior you display to your children regarding their grandparent may dictate the quality of your own elderly years.
Being in charge of another human being's welfare, whether it is your newborn infant or your elderly parent, is a sacred trust. It is not your duty to care for your elderly parents; it is your privilege.
Learn more about this author, Carol Gioia.
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