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| Yes | 68% | 176 votes | Total: 259 votes | |
| No | 32% | 83 votes |
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Add to FavoritesAs your late parent's namesake and next of kin, are you morally obligated to honor their dying wishes or do you have the right to carry out the end of their life in any manner you see fit?
First, your parents were not solely your parents'. They were people with interests, dreams and goals separate from you. As your parent's child, you may have been a priority in their lives but they had the right to choose how they lived just as they have the right to choose how they will be laid to rest.
Death is the completion of a person's physical duties, a graduation from the exhaustion of physical life. The spirit has outgrown the body that housed it and though it is no longer needed, the body should be laid to rest in the manner it's occupant desired.
Our parents were the vessel for our lives and to them we owe our allegiance and respect. Honoring their dying wishes is our duty and obligation even if we disagree with their choices. We may want to have a large funeral with a beautiful, silk lined casket buried deep in the family cemetery. We may want to scatter our parent's remains in the sea or over our own fields but it is not for us to decide how our parent's bodies will be dealt with.
The end of life is a frightening and lonesome stage in life and knowing how the final details will be carried out can make the transition more comforting. It is the last decision we get to make in our life. No other decision has been pondered as much. Honoring what your parents wanted is in effect tying up all the loose ends of their life and letting them go.
Whether our parents choose to be cremated, buried or decide to donate their organs, we should see that it is done. We do not need a headstone, a special vase or designated place to mourn them or pay our respects. The people they were and the lessons they taught us are in our hearts.
Our turn is coming and when it does we will want our children or closest relatives to honor our dying wishes. Perhaps our wish is for our loved ones to decide how we are to be disposed of. Perhaps we will want a big party or a small ceremony. Whatever we decide we have the right to have our wishes honored just as our parents do.
Learn more about this author, Stacia Elizabeth Whitbeck.
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No
The simple answer is, no, you are not morally obligated to honor the wishes of your deceased parents. However, if the wishes are reasonable and the family can afford to fulfill them, it is a sign of respect to conduct their service and bury them according to their desires. I have personal experience when it comes to this touchy subject. My mother, sister and I wrestled with it when my father died in June 2000. Ultimately, we didn't do everything according to his wished, not because we didn't want to, but due to other circumstances.
My dad was diagnosed with emphysema in his late 20s when I was a young child. Whenever he got sick, my mother, sister and I wondered if each time would be the end. In his heart, he knew that he was not going to live to see his golden years. I'll never forget when I was 19 years old, and my parents sat my sister and me down and told us where all the important papers were and what they wanted us to do in the event of their deaths. My dad made it clear that he had signed a DNR if he got really sick, and he wanted to be cremated when he died. Any money he left us, he said, should be used to pay off bills or to buy something frivolous.
Until his death, that was the plan. Then, after spending a month in the hospital, he told them he wanted to go home. At least his wish to die at home was granted. When the local funeral director came to the house, we told her of our father's wishes. We planned to have a quiet viewing of his body and a memorial service. Then, his body would be cremated and the ashes buried in the Port Hudson National Cemetery. However, my parents lived in a small town and the nearest crematorium and the cemetery were in opposite directions. The funeral director said it would cost more money to transport his remains to the two cities than it would be just to bury him in the cemetery. So, we conceded.
So, we had a private viewing of friends and family and a memorial service, per his wishes. My dad didn't want graveside emotional outbursts, so we didn't have a graveside service. Instead, the funeral director transported his body to Port Hudson and the facility sent us a map of where to find the marker for his grave should we wish to visit it or someday put a stone there. To this day, my mother, sister and I have never been to the grave.
I don't know why they haven't been to the site, but I feel that we didn't follow his wishes. That's why I haven't been to the grave. Now that my daughter is at the age where she keeps asking me where my daddy is, I may have to get over my feeling and go to the site. My grandmother and grandfather are buried at the same cemetery on top of one another. I think it is important for her to know about her three ancestors buried in Port Hudson.
I still feel guilty about not following my father's wishes, and sometimes I think of his body decaying in a grave he never wanted. It's an emotional strain when we don't follow the wishes of our deceased parents.
Learn more about this author, Cicely Richard.
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