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| Yes | 75% | 456 votes | Total: 604 votes | |
| No | 25% | 148 votes |
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Add to FavoritesThe care and well being for elderly parents is most definitely the responsibility of their children. Unfortunately not everyone feels that way. For me it is not even debatable. I come from a family of seven and I make it my responsibility even if others do not. My parents were there for me through the good and bad times of my life and I want and choose to be there for them. It is about choice and people have to live with their choices. If it weren't for them I would not be the person I am today. I am a very compassionate individual and this is a trait I would not change for anything in the world. I am so thankful to have the ability to feel and help those in need, especially my own parents.
There are choices out there and when it is impossible to physically take care of a very dependent parent who requires constant care, nursing homes are an option many choose. I hope I am never in a position to have to put my Dad in a home and I will do everything I can to take care of him by exploring every option available to me. For me, a nursing home would be my last option as long as I have my own health. With that said, some do not have a choice but to use this option - but when does one make that decision? I have visited many relatives and have many friends who placed their parents in nursing homes because they chose not to care for them. They could have lived in assisted living but their children couldn't be bothered helping them facilitate this and having to worry about them. They are so lonely that it breaks my heart and sadly some of them were not ready for this way of life in confinement and away from family. We live in a society where people are so rushed with their own lives that they don't even make the time to visit their parents once they are placed in nursing homes. This is very unfortunate and I now understand why so many elderly people are afraid of nursing homes. There are some nursing homes that do not give the best care and these people are at their mercy because no one is there visiting them to see what is going on. Sure in the beginning they receive visits from their children but this soon stops. I highly respect and hold in the highest regard those people that make every effort to frequently visit their parent(s) in nursing homes. In addition, they are on top of their parent(s) health and emotional well being and this is most important. It is the end of the road for them and the beginning of a very lonely world which was once filled with laughter; people; and most importantly their children. Let's not forget that what we do everyday with our lives such as working, raising a family, being strong both mentally and physically and enjoying what life has to offer are things our parents did too.
Even if our parents are in assisted living facilities or a senior community, the emotional strength comes from their children. Ongoing visits and communication is a key to their emotional health and well being. Having them over to your house frequently makes them feel very special. I know some people who can't be bothered or it is too much of a burden to have to pick them up; drop them off; can't be bothered with the walker or the wheelchair; Come on folks who do you think took care of you when you couldn't walk? Get real! I don't understand this.
I for one will do whatever I need to do to take care of my parents. My mother died 8 years ago and I did everything I could do in my power to take care of her and make her life pleasant. I have no regrets and I would do it again in a minute. My Dad is 84 and although he holds his own, I am and will be there for him regardless. It is time for me to make sacrifices; they did it for me hundreds of times. No matter what was going on in my life I could go to them with anything and they always made me feel comfortable. They would put my mind at ease even if there was no resolution to a problem; I knew that they would help me with finding one. More importantly, I felt better just knowing they were there. Don't you think our parents feel the same way when they are older and ailing knowing we are there for them? Age and time waits for no one and we will all be going through this in our lives as age approaches us all. Will our children be there for us? How are we setting an example if we are not there for our parents? I know we all say we don't want to be a burden to our kids but lets face it - just knowing they are there when we are at the end of our lives would mean the world to me. Having them make the right choices for me would mean that I set a good example.
I don't think there is anything worse than having regrets of not doing some of the simplest things in this world for our parents during their elderly years. There is nothing worse than living with the guilt for the rest of your life when you had a choice; a chance to do the right thing. Not to mention it gives me a great deal of satisfaction with a feeling of love and warmth to see a smile on their faces knowing I made their time on earth here a pleasant one.
In the end, we all get old and are at the mercy of our caretakers. There is nothing in this world that will prevent any of us from the aging process and the inevitable end to this beautiful thing we call life. It's just all so hard to leave. Making the last years of our parent's life the most meaningful will prove to be the most fulfilled, rewarding and peaceful thing you could do. So take some time and give back what you got from them time, patience, love and a great deal of compassion. I assure you it will come back to you in your eternal life.
Learn more about this author, Ticia.
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No
In a perfect world, where parents treat their children well, their children grow to be financially stable, and are in turn compelled to treat their parents well in their twilight years, there would be little debate on whether it is the responsibility of children to care for their elderly parents. Unfortunately, there are many reasons while an adult child would be unable or unwilling to care for an elderly parent. Circumstances are different in every family, so it is difficult to say with certainty that it is the child's responsibility to care for the elderly parent. It may be that simply providing the genetic material necessary to create another human being isn't enough retirement planning.
In cases where a child was neglected or abused, by a parent, is it a moral imperative for the child to care for the parent when they need them? In situations where a parent was absent from their child's life for the majority of their childhood, returning only when that child is an adult it seems an unfair burden. Children who take care of such parents are likely doing more then could be reasonably expected of them. And if the child had practically no childhood to speak of due to abuse? There are children who suffer horrific abuse throughout their childhoods, and it seems doubly unfair that these children would later be burdened with the care of that parent.
It is an unfortunate but well known fact of life that people often contribute heavily to their own demise. Should the child of an alcoholic or drug dependent parent be required, either morally or socially, to provide for the care that the parent will need due to their vices? Just as it is ridiculous to expect that one could destroy their health with the expectation that someone will later provide for them, it is ridiculous to insist that someone later provide for them.
Other reasons a child might not be able to provide care for their parents may include constraints of finances, time, or ability. The "sandwich generation", people who care for both elderly parents and young children, often find it difficult to meet the financial needs of an extra adult, especially if they are starting out in their careers. It is often the case that the adults in the household are working full time, and they may simply not have enough time to provide adequate care for their parents. In cases where the parents require medical or other specific care, the children may not be able to provide it.
Many times caring for a parent is not an obligation, but it always is a kindness. In planning for old age it should not be assumed that your children will be able to provide for you when you are in need. With the many different circumstances surrounding family life it is impossible for a person to determine for someone else if it is appropriate for them to care for their parent or not.
Learn more about this author, Dana Meldgaard.
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