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| Yes | 82% | 257 votes | Total: 313 votes | |
| No | 18% | 56 votes |
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Add to FavoritesI don't know who first coined this phrase, but it's a favorite of mine and speaks well to this topic: "Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad." A person can bring life to another human-being, but the one who sticks around, nurtures a child to adulthood deserves much more than just a passing acknowledgement of their contribution to the conception.
Our parents do so much for us that goes under-appreciated and often, never acknowledged. But that's the rub. They don't expect it. We, then, as their offspring get a profound second chance, if you will, in our parents' declining years to return some of that gratitude for all they gave us.
I know what you're thinking. There are parents out there who perhaps, don't deserve all this returned kindness. This isn't about those parents with extreme cases of abuse or neglect. This is just your average, run of the mill family - gloriously happy and well-adjusted in every way (yeah, right!), or your typical, mildly dysfunctional family with all of its quirks and misguided intentions, but strewn with examples of obvious love for their children and each other.
My two children come from the latter. At one point in my oldest' young adult struggle, he bemoaned having "not had the best parents as examples" - attesting that was the reason he himself was so messed up. I told him that at some point we have to stop blaming our parents for how we turned out, and take responsibility for the choices we make that keep us on the same path.
I was 28 years old when I came to that realization, and stopped blaming my mother. I realized that she had done everything she could for us under the circumstances. My father was abusive, and my mother lived in fear for all of their married life.
She's been gone five years now. She was eighty-seven years old when she passed. I am immensely grateful for the years we had together before the dementia took over the last ten years of her life. Anyone who has suffered through seeing a loved one with dementia or Alzheimer's knows the agony of losing that person long before they take their last breath. I used the personnel in both an assisted-living facility, and later, a nursing home, to help me take care of my mother because I wasn't physically or financially capable of handling the task alone.
Took care of her, I did, though. Not out of any sense of obligation, but out of love and gratitude. So should we all. They gave us life and love. Seems respect and caring is a small price to pay in return.
Learn more about this author, Ruthann Miller.
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No
Adult children should not have to adopt an attitude of gratitude toward their parents. It should come natural to them to be grateful. I am not so sure grateful is even the right word, but my feelings of gratitude have always been embedded within me. It seems to me that if a child is raised even half-way right, they would be grateful to their parents for at least giving it their best shot to be good parents.
As adults, we hope and pray that our own children will give us the respect we deserve. Being grateful is irrelevant compared to showing respect. I do think that by showing respect, we can show how grateful we are for our parents just being there for us. In this world of angry adults and rebellious teenagers, showing how thankful we are that our parents stuck with us should come easy. In my case, I had older parents than most of my friends. They had a harder time understanding the world changes. They tried even harder to be good parents, but would fail sometimes because of a lack of understanding. They were good parents, but sometimes they were naive or unable to cope with me as a teen. Then, I did not try very hard myself. It was just as much my fault as theirs.
Just the fact that my parents tried so hard makes me grateful that they even decided to have me at their age. Some older parents may have either decided to terminate or left the responsibility up to the older siblings. My parents worked so hard to be the best parents that they could be. As I watched some of the other parents, I realize just how ungrateful most of my friends were. They had young parents that knew how to do the newer math and how to deal with the social problems their kids were having. Yet, these kids grew up to be more selfish adults for the most part.
This question really brings about a lot more questions. Why would an adult have to adopt a grateful attitude? Was most ungrateful adults spoiled or were they just born ungrateful? Why are they ungrateful? I am sure there are some parents who do not deserve the respect from their kids due to abuse or addiction. Even then, God teaches us that we are to forgive and show respect to them, especially after we become adults. If you cannot forgive a bad parent, how can you ever expect to be forgiven of your mistakes that you will surely make as a parent.
When a child matures into an adult, if he really does mature, I believe a grateful attitude will come natural. Even though it may be more difficult for a child who has been abused, if the parent is trying to be a better parent, I think it would take a little less for an adult child to forgive them. If they do not feel gratitude naturally, then perhaps they can learn to show it anyway. In the long run, if you show less selfishness and more forgiveness, you will be blessed for it. Just as the Bible says:
"Honor they father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise. That it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth." It does not say honor them when they are the greatest parents. It does not say do not honor them if they are bad parents. It just says to "Honor them". I believe that God blesses a child/adult who respects their parents no matter how old they are, takes care of them when they get old, and always makes sure he is there when they need him. Even if a parent has failed a lot, someday you will be a parent and have to face your own failures. Why not receive a blessing by being grateful just for the fact that they were your parents.
Learn more about this author, Marilyn Wilke Ramone.
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