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Add to FavoritesCan you buy your children's affection with expensive gifts? Of course you can and sadly it works well for many parents. They can't seem to communicate and build a relationship with their children naturally through time spend together, laughter, sharing daily activities, and support, and encouragement so they use gifts or should I say expensive gifts to prove how much they love them and how willing they are to please them.
In todays technological age, a lot of parents are finding themselves buying high tech expensive cell phones, Ipods, MP3 players, and even computers to not only make their children happy but to be sure they keep up with the ever changing world. Even after then have spent hundreds on the latest gadget when a new and improved one comes out and as soon as the child shows signs of wanting it (or shall I say needing it) the parents spends their last dime to obtain it. Only to see it discarded soon thereafter.
Once upon a time expensive tennis shoes and starter jackets were bought to show their love. But today children are more into technology and this includes the TV game systems or hand held systems such as the Nintendo WII or Nintendo DS (a hand held). When it comes to these types of gadgets not only are you buying the system but the games are expensive as well. Not to mention the accessories such as joysticks, remotes, mats for dancing, cables, etc. With this a smile on a child's face means they are satisfying a child's needs and desires. If they can keep their children satisfied then they feel their job is done.
Does this mean they have bought their affection? On the child's side maybe not, but from a parent's eyeview it works. A parent may sometimes feel if they give the child the gift, they enjoy it, and talk about it excitedly, and are anxious for the next upgrade or improvement then the child's happiness is their happiness.
I know of people who bought both of their children their own computers when the daughter was 13 and the son was 9. And they felt there was nothing wrong with this picture. Some households don't own one computer but to buy both children their own is a stretch of what it means to be a parent who provides for their children.
Should you knock these parents? I wouldn't knock them because parenting doesn't come with a manual. No one can see into the future as to what affect these expensive gifts will have on the children. But I often ask this question. If you give your children a cell phone, their own computer and every game system that comes out at the age of six, what do the children have to look forward to when they are 13 or older? What happens when they become ungrateful? Will you say look at all the stuff I've bought you over the years? Or when they want to spend quality time with you, will you say "Go play with all that stuff you asked for"?
I feel it's ok to buy your child gifts but for a reason and at a reasonable cost. Not just because a new game system has come out or you want to be the first to buy your child the latest Ipod. Do it because they have earned it as a responsible, helpful, loving, trustworthy child. Do it because you know they'll appreciate it and take care of it. Do it because you want to not because you want them to love you more or say you're cool. Also reflect on how well they took care of the previous gift before going to purchase a new gadget. This will at least teach responsibility and how to earn what you want in life.
Learn more about this author, Stephanie Storey-Morant.
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No
Although the average child likes lots of gifts, I do not believe that we can buy their affection with toys and material possessions.
When a child is younger, they feel happy to receive a bunch of stuff. I can recall during my own childhood, that any time a holiday or my birthday rolled around, I expected a gift. This is typical with most children.
Unfortunate ly, because of today's fads and a child's desire to fit in, we encourage the sometimes-insatiable desire for a child to get everything that they want. This in turn fuels the "spoiled brat" syndrome.
I do believe in allowing a child to experience some pleasure from buying and owning material goods, but not to the degree that they become spoiled and start to take things for granted.
It is important to teach a child to recognize that they must work for what they want, and that the world is not handed to them on a silver platter.
Everyday life is not like Hollywood.
As a child starts to age and go through their tween and pubescent years, their needs start to change.
Although they are still in to receiving gifts, such as clothes, shoes, and accessories, they need a stronger sense of guidance and nurturing from parents due to peer pressure, and navigating their way through school and academics. Also, there's the rage in hormones.
A child can be given everything that a parent can or cannot afford, but what happens whey they start to act out because they need a helping hand or some extra attention?
Even worse (as many parents have experienced), is when a child starts to lash out and reminds you of what you haven't done for them as a parent.
Sometimes giving your child all of the material gifts in the world, is still not enough in your child's mind. Because of this, we must continuously work to balance the act of showering gifts when earned and deserved, versus not feeling guilty when withholding something to teach a child a lesson.
When I was a child, I was given chores to earn my allowance. Although I never used my money to purchase clothes, I do recall using my allowance to buy school supplies, or to pay for admission to a fun event. On occasion, I would buy a packet of barrettes or other items from the dollar store.
The lessons that I learned from receiving my allowance, was the benefit of knowing that "I earned the money," and that it was not given to me just because I wanted it.
Another experience that I'll never forget, was a Christmas morning that I tore through my gifts, acting as if there was no end to what I should receive. I blurted out to my mother that I wanted more gifts. I must have been about 7 or 8 years old. My mother kindly told me that I should appreciate what I had, because some children get nothing for Christmas. Of course, I was stunned.
I started to rethink my desire to have more, and the true fact that there are many people who are less fortunate that I am. It taught me to appreciate and to take care of my belongings, and the things that I receive as gifts.
I will suffice to say, that tangible goods have a place in a child's life, but materialism is not the greatest gift that we can give to them.
Our greatest gifts to children is our time, love and support.
Learn more about this author, J. Lo.
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