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Add to FavoritesMediation requires impartiality, patience and diplomacy, three things that all mothers are supremely endowed with when it comes to their children. Regardless of their age, conflicts will always arise among siblings. There are innumerable motivational factors at play between our children that it is impossible to truly understand all of the complex dynamics. Often times our mothers are a major factor in whatever conflicts might arise, either directly or indirectly.
The issues could be self evident in a conflict, but more often there is an underlying motivation that is unspoken that motivate two siblings into rivalry. Parents and mothers specifically have more insight into such intricacies than anyone else. This fact alone dictates that our mothers would be the best arbitrators to mediate a conflict. Beyond this simple paternal bond is the fact that you will likely never find another mediator with a truly sympathetic ear to both parties. A mother must be impartial, not because of being placed in the position of mediator, but because a mother cannot afford to take sides with either child.
The voice of reason comes from many places, but when it comes from a familiar and comforting person it is much more likely to be heeded. Mothers hold sway over their children through a bond that is impossible to replicate and just as difficult to explain. Regardless of how well understood this bond is its existence is undeniable. While there are certainly exceptions, very few people can truly deep down resist the machinations of their mothers. Your race, religion or culture matter not when it comes to the reverence and respect that mothers are accorded. That high state in our minds alone warrants their judgment and decisions to be heard and heeded.
Outside of the authority emanating from our mothers and the impartiality they must maintain, our mothers are always looking out for our best interests. There are few independent parties that would be as interested in our well being as our mother. In the case of a sibling disagreement you can rest assured your mother is equally interested in the best thing for both sides. She is sure to conduct herself in a manner befitting the reverence placed on her and ensure that both sides are treated amicably during the entirety of the dispute.
As we grow older our views and opinions change. Our passions shift and our priorities become clearer. No longer are we governed by the adolescent impulses that drove us to conflict with our brothers and sisters in the past. As such the conflicts of older siblings take on a much more sober and intense nature than the petty squabbling that once marked the arguments our mothers had to get involved in. Philosophical debates are something our mothers will likely tend to keep their distance from. However, they are still imminently qualified to mediate a dispute even if they do not truly understand the nature of the dispute. The fact remains that a mother knows her children. She understands their motivations and their mindsets and has an insight unique to solving conflicts between them.
It is perhaps in these later years when our mother's mediation is most needed. When two siblings reach a point in which they have fundamentally differing opinions and views on the world there is very little anyone can do to bring them around to common ground. At this stage they are largely set in their ways and getting them to agree on terms is difficult at best, impossible at worst. This is when a mother can resolve a conflict without necessarily achieving agreement on a subject. Sometimes it is better to agree to disagree then to continue a conflict. This middle ground is an area that a mother can impose her influence to have her children meet and resolve issues.
While not all mothers meet the qualifications stated here, and certainly not all siblings are as reasonable as the assumptions put forth in this document, for the most part our mothers are uniquely suited to resolving our conflicts. Before one can put their differences aside there must be an attitude of trust and understanding. No one embodies these two principles more than our mothers, regardless of how old we are. We might not realize this while we are young, but we always come to appreciate it once we reach a certain maturity level.
Learn more about this author, Joseph Whalen.
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No
A mother's role is to rear her children to be productive and self-sufficient adults. That role requires that the necessary social skills to negotiate and argue effectively be taught. If a mother has done her job when rearing the children, then when they encounter conflict with a sibling, they will be equipped to handle the situation. A mother should never mediate her adult children's conflicts when they arise, as the conflict is between the siblings and not the mother and her children. To do otherwise, shows a lack of confidence in that the siblings are capable of reaching a common understanding regarding any disagreement and it says to them that they are not trusted to handle such matters.
Mothers go through life, finding a mate, settling down, birthing children, working and are instrumental in the child-rearing aspects of her children's development. A mother is responsible to her children for their physical, intellectual, and, social development. That task is not small and it is a daunting commitment from day one of their lives. However, if the mother provides an example to her children throughout their lives, then as disagreements and squabbles do occur, her children will be confident in their own ability to settle any argument or disagreement themselves.
Their ability to settle or mediate disagreements with siblings is due to their early training by their mother. This training is accomplished when they are young enough to understand the family rules and standards, as well as mutual respect for others. If a mother employs this training each time her children encounter a problem, therefore when they become adults, the strategies taught to them when younger will be used to settle their disagreements. As well, the children will work through the problem using a more mature method. This behavior does not occur over night, and does take some training and practice. With the mother, the training and practice of how to mediate a situation starts. In the mediation process, it is the mom's role to be the example to her adult children on how to conduct themselves toward one another. While the act of teaching starts with the Mom and ends with her, the actual act of mediating her adult children's issues should never occur. As stated previously, the mother has done her job in rearing her children to be confident and secure in their own ability to problem solve and mediate their internal issues. The beauty and the proof that the children are trained effectively is that when problems do arise, the siblings can solve these problems among themselves without involving a parent.
Later, the siblings may question their mother or ask for advice about different situations and how to handle matters; however, that is the extent of a mother's role in the mediation of her adult children's problems. One should never handle adult matters for an adult child, when the adult child has the ability to mediate the situation themselves. It is never a Mom's role to enable an adult child who will not do the work themselves. A mom should not show any partiality between siblings by giving her opinion during their conflicts. Let them work the situation themselves.
Learn more about this author, K.D. Saffron.
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