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RSS FeedDating: Should men or women take the first initiative?
Results so far:
| Men | 80% | 339 votes | Total: 423 votes | |
| Women | 20% | 84 votes |
Men
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Add to FavoritesLadies, allow me to let you in on a secret. There is not much that compares to the feeling you get when you are an eligible single lady and a suitable man notices you and makes the first approach, especially if he is the same guy you have had your eye on for a while.
Even though this might sound absolutely ridiculous to you, it is something that makes you smile to yourself the entire day.
Women are emotional beings, and they absolutely adore romance. Many many times you hear them say that they wish that their guy could be more romantic than he is. So, if you are in the market for some loving, a man making the first approach is certainly exciting.
Many women tend to be old fashioned too when it comes to romance. It is always a wise choice to sit back and allow the man to come to you. This way you know for sure that the man does indeed have dating or a long term relationship on his mind.
Remember, men are the hunters. They are more or less simple and get right to the point.
They usually know what they want, go out and get it and they are done. On to the next thing on their list.
Men also know if they are out just for a fling or if they indeed have a long term relationship on their mind. If you watch their behavior when they see or meet a woman, you can usually tell which one of these they have in mind. Most times if you really listen to the way a man talks about women, you can also tell if he is a player or not. They usually do not mince words or feelings. If he tells you he is not interested in a long term or serious relationship, believe him.
The way he approaches you and what he says to you after he makes his move are the key indicators of both his personality and what he has in mind. Where you go to meet men also plays a part in the type of men you meet. This helps you decide if you want to make the initial approach, if you want them to approach you or if you prefer to avoid them altogether.
Another thing to keep in mind is what you want in a relationship. If you want marriage and children, do not bother to waste your time on players that just want to use you. If you want a casual fling that is up to you too.
So, should you decide you are not going to sit around for years just to see if your prince actually does show up, there is nothing wrong with making the first move ladies. It helps if you know the man as a friend first and have some sort of an idea about his love life and his approach to women. After all, if you go around approaching all sorts of strange men you could make an unsavory name for yourself.
If you have a slight idea that he indeed may be interested in you, but you know he is rather shy when it comes to affairs of the heart, he may just need a slight nudge in the right direction from you or a friend.
Otherwise he could take your friendship as just that, at face value, unless you give him some slight indication that you have something more in mind. Most of the longest lasting relationships have started out with both people being good friends. He might just feel safe enough to open up to you about many things if he knows he can trust you as a real friend.
Many men do not like to be rushed into a relationship. Some women have the tendency to come on too strong when approaching men. This is going to do nothing more than scare him away if he feels you are making too solid of an approach.
When you allow the man to come to you this puts everything out on the table. You know where he is coming from and you can respond appropriately.
Learn more about this author, Kathy H.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.
Women
Where is the category for "the more aggressive side"? What's this crap about whether it should be the man or the woman who takes the first initiative. Personalities are what will dictate who takes control of a dating situtation. The more aggressive person will more than likely be the one to take on the challenge.
I was born and raised during the latter part of the baby boomers' age. It might have fell in the decade of free love and open relationships, but it was still a given, (from my parent's point of view) that a man should take charge in all situations. My mother and father were both very submissive in their own ways. At times both extreme aggressors, especially during heated marital battles. However they both were raised to believe the man should take any initiatives if an initiative was to be taken.
I, of course, was determined to be different from the word get, go. Raised by my father after my parent's separation, I tend to have very masculine qualities. Maybe that's why I was the one to ask both my husbands to marry me. In the back of my mind a little voice is saying, "Couldn't you find a guy with balls enough to marry you?" The answer is, I'm not particularly attracted to aggressive men. I gravitate to men who are strong, silent types with a thought in their brain other than sex. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE SEX....when it's done right. I'm digging myself a hole here. How about I stick to the subject at hand.
Men are attracted to women who know what they want. Women who are clear about their thoughts and stay true to nature in their actions. Those type of women don't play mind games such as, "He should be the one to ask or take the initiative". If the woman sits back and waits, she more than likely is going to have to play the age old game of being coy, demure, and yet on the offensive with a very strong air of come hither. She's gotta make sure her package is bundled to be unwrapped and displayed to its best advantage.
What about us chicks who are fat and ugly? Let me rephase that....big and beautiful. I'm a people watcher and love to look for something about everybody that attracts me in both men and women. Their is no such thing as ugly. Ugly is a word used by commercialism to promote products which will make you "beautiful". Or social clicks, who want to make their group exclusive. Cause you can't have exclusive if everybody were allowed to belong, right? We're all unique. At least we start out that way until we're molded by others to believe we need to fit in. We're not supposed to all look the same and act the same. Yes, we should all have a moral code we stick by, but that's an internal guide. Treat others as you would yourself want to be treated. Everything else falls into place around that.
Ladies, do you think the man you're trying to lure into asking you out is thinking, "If I were the woman I'd rather hook a guy through the use of mind games, a tight pair of jeans, and a great underwire bra that shows off my taa taas to their best advantage."? I'd bet he's thinking,"Couldn't she smile at me and come engage me in conversation. Tell me that she'd like to get to know me better over a cup of coffee or lunch somewhere." Men are just as insecure about themselves as we are. Give the guys a break and treat yourself to what you really want, rather than what you can lure in.
If you find someone whom you are genuinely interested in, make sure they know it. Don't be coy or think they should know you're interested in them. Be upfront with your thoughts. Yes, you stand to be hurt sometimes. Yes, you're going to be wrong about what type of person they are, once in awhile and get the cold shoulder or even an outright, embarrassing turndown. But it'll be over in the time it takes for him to say "No" or "Hell, NO" in some cases. Don't let your inner self be put off by something as fleeting as a rejection. The next time you won't be. The changes of you finding the right person for you in an adult relationship isn't supposed to be easy to find. What's the fun in getting it right the first time?
Life is challenges and how we rise to meet them. Be the aggressor and go ask someone out.
Learn more about this author, KissyO.
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