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Add to FavoritesWhen I was eighteen, I was pregnant, and by the time I was twenty two, I was the mother of three. As a mother, I always worked around my kids schedule. When they were babies, I worked nights allowing me to be home all morning and afternoon, and when they went to school full-time, I worked days.
Married to an alcoholic husband, he was in and out of work all the time. With a waitress income and dealing with an alcoholic husband, I had no choice but to apply for welfare.
Having three kids, a low-income job, and no money, we hit rock bottom. We lived in a basement apartment with no carpets. It was either no carpets or the street. When I was living with my parents, we visited New York City a lot. I remember seeing homeless people sleeping in doorways of buildings. Never did I think that my life would become seconds away from that lifestyle.
There were times I had popcorn for dinner and I had to scrounge for change inbetween the couch cushions just to buy milk.
When I re-applied for social services, this time it was different. A social worker recommended college. I told her I couldn't afford college, and she told me I would be qualified for full financial aid. I did go to college, and it changed my life completely.
Being poor is no fun, especially when you have children. If I had the choice to choose between a career that would provide shelter, food, and the good things in life for my family or stay home, I would choose a career.
Having a career is also about working for your retirement. Without a good career, there might not be a good pension or a college fund for your child. With the economy today, we need to be rest assured that our future will be taken care of.
Having a career is also about not losing a piece of yourself. Being a successful business person is a great role model for your children. The truth is, family life is a cycle and the way we are as parents will reflect on our children.
When choosing to be a stay-at-home parent, this doesn't mean that a parent is there for their kids. It's not about being there physically as it is being there emotionally. Time management is essential to a good family unity.
According to a new Columbia University survey, teenagers who eat with their families at least five times a week are more likely to get better grades in school and much less likely to have substance abuse problems.
Many people can sacrifice their families for a career. It's about the "quality" of time spent together not the "quantity."
Learn more about this author, Teresa Brouwer.
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No
I was asked this very question, however subtle, in the Spring of 2007. Standing in the hallway of the Hospice unit of a nearby hospital, I had to make an instant decision. My mother's condition had turned for the worst, and our family was told she would be going home to die. They needed to know who would be taking care of this lovely mother until her time on earth was no more. I, without a second thought, raised my hand.
I wasn't thinking in that moment that I had, just 5 weeks prior, secured a very good job; a position I had been looking to obtain for many weeks. The only thoughts crossing my mind when the question was asked was that I needed to be there with my mother. Another job I could find; another mother was out of the question.
This was not a minor decision; its magnitude was overwhelming. I was not only giving up my job, but giving up my life until hers was over. I never questioned my decision for a moment; as she had never questioned her undying love for me for all those years. Had the circumstances been less important, I probably would have done the same. This was my mother and I knew how much she had sacrificed for me in her life. How could I not be there at a time when she needed me the most?
My mother never died that Spring. In fact, she is still with us. A part of me hopes it was because I was there to let her know she was needed and important. Whatever the miracle, I will not question it. I see no reason too.
I found another job. It took months, but it was out there waiting for me. I struggled financially and still do, trying to make up for all the time money wasn't there. Yet I know inside I would have struggled much more if I wouldn't have raised my hand that day. I have never regretted the decision to put a family member first and I never will.
A career doesn't necessarily have to be about working outside the home or getting a paycheck; a career is what we choose to do with our life. My career became my mother's care. It was payless, but more rewarding then any job I've ever had. I didn't think of it as giving up anything; I looked at it as getting. I was getting more time with my mother. Time that was limited and to this day, still is.
One day, I may need someone to raise their hand for me. I hope that if and when that time comes, someone close to me will raise their hand without a thought. Someone who looks at me as their career and not a bother. Someone who values their mother as much as I value mine.
One day my own children may find a career falls into their lap as I did. If so, I hope they see it as a blessing and not a bother. I hope they embrace it as a chance at getting more out of life; more out of me.
After all, I am their mother.
Learn more about this author, Gabriella Samms.
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