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Is it easier to walk away or stay with a partner who is violent?
Results so far:
| Walk away | 64% | 1116 votes | Total: 1745 votes | |
| Stay | 36% | 629 votes |
Walk away
by Sarah Wilson
Created on: October 03, 2008 Last Updated: March 21, 2010
As a victim of domestic violence who did walk away I had to come out on this side. However it was not an easy decision to make and the debate title is a difficult one. An abuser will try every trick int he book to keep you with him and will apologise profusely each time an abuse has occurred. He is likely to confuse his victim and strip her of her self esteem making it that much more difficult to walk away.
However, it is always better to walk away even if it is not easier.
By staying in the relationship the abuser is given a green light to continue the violence. He is not brought to book for his offenses and the abuse will only continue. It is likely that violence will increase with each time the victim stays.
Domestic violence is a hidden crime, occurring in far too many families. By remaining in the household the victim is harming not only herself but any children in the family. It is only too common for children in abusive households to become withdrawn and unhappy or even worse to go on to abuse themselves.
In order to break the abusive cycle, the only way is to leave. Only then can the abuser face his problem and seek help and for children to be brought up in a non abusive family, learning to love and be loved without the threat of violence.
I understand how hard it is to leave a man who says that he will never do it again and that he is deeply sorry. I understand the fear that exists in a woman as she tries not to push the buttons which begin the abuse. It is not living to dance on egg shells around an abusive partner. It is existence. Women - and men- deserve more. The only chance of a life without fear and pain is to leave, no matter how hard this may be.
Abuse of any kind is a crime and by allowing domestic violence to continue in our homes we are condoning that violence. It is impossible to deal with crime outside the home if we do not first make an attempt to stop violence within it.
There is help available for a victim of violence. But you have to want to find it. It is no use wishing that things would get better. The hardest thing of all is to make the decision that you deserve better than the life you are living. Once the decision is made, you are free to start living the rest of your life.
Experience tells me that only when you have left a violent situation can you begin to discover who you really are and start to love and take care of yourself.
Learn more about this author, Sarah Wilson.
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Stay
by P. M. Montgomery
Created on: February 10, 2010
The way this title was written: “Is it easier to walk away or to stay with a partner who is violent? “made me Have to write for the STAY side because it is easier to stay. It is very difficult to walk away from your home and your life as you know it.
Most people who have been in an abusive relationship have poor self esteem and have been miss-led into believing that they cannot survive without their partner. Many have had their lives threatened if they even think about leaving and those threats are not taken lightly. Many women, and my apologies to the men out there who are in these kinds of relationships, are stay at home moms, and have little or no skills with which to support themselves in the workplace and are dependent on their abuser for financial support. They have had their support systems slowly taken away from them and have virtually no friends left. Family members have been driven away by the abuser and while most are there waiting with open arms to help their loved one, until they are free from the situation, there is not much they can do to help but pray for them.
It is hard to walk away when you never know when he will show up at home to check on you to see what you are doing. It is hard to walk away when you don’t have any money, only what he gives you to do the grocery shopping or the errands you are allowed to do. After a while, you begin to believe what he tells you; that it is your fault he treats you the way he does. That for some reason, you are flawed and that no one else would ever want you, so you stay. It is so very hard to walk away from this kind of abuse because it is more than just physical, it is mental, it is emotional, and the abuser really holds his victim a prisoner because of the brainwashing he does. “Not good enough. Not one else would ever want you. I will kill you if you ever leave me. I will kill the children if you ever leave”.
These are powerful, powerful words that shake a woman to her mental knees. In these days, there is help. There are safe houses and people to reach out to for help. It is not easy to walk away, but it can be done. To save the lives of you and your children, it must be done, and it is not easy. But you will find so many good hearted, kind people who are out there just waiting to give you a hand, to help you through your ordeal and to help keep you safe.
Once free from your abuser, you will find that he was wrong. You will find that people love you and that you are worth everything. You will be able to care for yourself and your children if you open yourself up to the people who are waiting to help you. Taking that first step away from him is the hardest thing you will ever do, but it is the best thing you will ever do.
I did it. So have so many other women and men and we came out stronger than ever before. You are not alone and will never be alone. Put out your hand and we will help. Take that first step. The hardest step you will ever take but the one that will save your life.
Learn more about this author, P. M. Montgomery.
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