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| Yes | 84% | 411 votes | Total: 488 votes | |
| No | 16% | 77 votes |
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Add to FavoritesWhen you talk about family decisions, you are talking about things that theoretically affect the "whole" family. While this may seem very obvious to say, it is important to note when discussing this question. By nature we tend to look at things from our own point of view. In addition, we are often concerned first with our own needs. This is not to say that we are unable to consider the needs of others, because countless people consider the needs of others every day. But, we must remember that family decisions are about ALL of the family and we must strive to consider each need and how decisions will affect them both in the short run and in the long run. Here are a few reasons why children should have a say in family decisions.
WHAT IS "SAY"?
We do have to begin by defining the word "say" in this particular context. Giving a person a say does not mean that they are going to make the decision themselves or strongly dictate the outcome. In many situations I believe that children should have a say but much depends on the age of the children and the depth of the decision. Regardless of how this is defined, parents should solicit the thoughts of their children whenever possible.
TALK THINGS THROUGH
The reason that this is important is that it is always important to talk things through. The family is a team, and making team decisions can strengthen the family and help the children feel like their parents care about their feelings and viewpoints. Again, I have to offer a big caveat that I recognize some decisions are beyond the cognitive ability and "big picture" perspective of children at different stages. If you are pondering whether to buy a house, you will not necessarily consult your two-year-old to make sure they are happy with the financial arrangements and the escrow documents.
Overall, dialogue is extremely important in the family. This has a direct connection to family decision-making, which is ideally done as a family unit. Sometimes parents have to withhold information for a time or they may have to reserve "veto" power. But, even in those circumstances parents should try to solicit the feelings and viewpoints of their children. Even if the children do not have direct input on the decision, the parents have some sense of what they might deal with after the decision is made and announced.
Learn more about this author, Todd Pheifer.
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No
Children have neither the experience nor the intellectual ability to have a say in family decisions. That is not to say that they should be banned from the discussion. However, children need to learn from an early age that there are authorities more powerful than they and that personal wants must take second place to necessities.
Decision making is a learned skill. No one is born with it. Parents must take control and responsibility when making family decisions of any importance. Certainly, children can be included in trivial decisions, at first. As they become older and more aware of realistic limitations and the family situation, they can be included in more decision-making discussions. Ultimately, however, it is the parents who must make the decisions.
Children can surely benefit from observing and listening to the decision-making process. How else will they learn to do it for themselves? At the same time, parents are the ones who are aware of all of the factors in a decision and some of those factors do not need to be aired in front of children who may take them out of context or needlessly worry themselves over something they cannot change.
Too many parents cater to their child's whims and demands, creating a little monster that will grow up to be an unbearable and relentless tyrant. The occasional "no" is exactly what they need to experience in order to learn that they do not get everything they desire simply because they want something. Allowing children to hear the appropriate aspects of a family decision will give them the tools they will need for themselves when it is time for them to make choices.
Parents can help their child learn good decision-making skills by pointing out faulty reasoning, insufficient information and unrealistic expectations. Family decisions are generally too important to leave in the hands of children. Introducing children to decision-making tools such as budgets, schedules, time demands and other responsibilities will help them to develop realistic decision-making skills as they grow older.
For children to learn how to become good decision-makers, they must be allowed to suffer the consequences of their bad decisions. Generally, it is too risky to use family decisions for these life lessons. Setting criteria and limitations of the child's decisions will help prevent catastrophe and will create a positive and productive learning experience.
Children do not have the perspective necessary to make responsible decisions for the family. They must be given the tools and the opportunity to learn from their mistakes in order for them to develop into good decision-makers. As they grow older and wiser, their input can be solicited within family decision-making conversations.
Learn more about this author, Kate Johnson.
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