Yes

by L.S. Watts

Created on: February 26, 2009

Sometimes there isn't a clear cut answer to whether children should have a say in family decisions. It comes down to exactly what the decision is to be made. Sometimes the child just doesn't have a choice in the matter and must accept the parents' decision. If a parent's job is making them move, the child is just going to have to deal with the decision made.

However, consulting the child before making a decision such as where to go for vacation, what to have for dinner, or even how to decorate a room in the house will show them that you value their opinion. It also allows them to feel like they're a valued member of the family. This is a self-esteem booster for the child and anyone else for that matter.

In our family, we have weekly family meetings. One of the topics brought up is upcoming family decisions to be made. Each child has an opportunity to voice their opinion. We listen to each other and discuss the pros and cons of each suggestion. Like I said, this shows them that I value what they think and consider them an important part of the family.

This practice boosts their self confidence. They will be more likely to have the courage to voice their opinion in a constructive manner outside the home as well. As they grow to adults, they will continue to have the self confidence to speak up and be able to listen to all sides. They will develop better critical thinking skills, also. By bringing my children into the decision making process, I am teaching them life skills and they don't realize it quite yet.

There are times when their opinion does not factor in. I have already mentioned that if a parent's job requires a move, the child hasn't a choice. Other examples would be regarding the household budget. Unless they are contributing to the household income, they don't have a say. You could, however, explain the budget to older children to help them get a better understanding of why they can't get a new skateboard along with teaching them a good life skill in the process. Another example would be any decision that is in the best interest of the child.

Another time that I consult my kids on a decision to be made is when they have done something that requires punishment. No, I don't leave the punishment option entirely up to the kids. I give them options to choose from. I also nurture them through the process. We discuss what they did and why they must be punished. Having them choose from my list of punishments, which aren't always easy ones, teaches them not only that every action has consequences but that not all decisions are easy to make. Again, critical thinking skills. I am still amazed at how effective this is. They dislike having to make a decision on their own punishment. Life is about choices and decisions. Make a wrong decision and you'll have to deal with the consequences.

My children do understand, however, that I make the final decision on most all family decisions. I say "most all" because some things such as what to have for dinner is decided by popular vote. My own children have voiced how special it makes them feel when I ask their opinion. Although they understand that I am in charge, they don't feel inferior to me. Here's the way we view it. I am the president of our household and they represent the household congress. I do listen to what they have to say and value their opinion, but I do carry the power of veto regardless.

As a parent, it is important to maintain your authority. Letting your children know that you respect their thoughts and opinions in turn enforces your child's respect for you. Keep in mind that children don't always know what's best for them. You can still listen to their opinions even if they disagree, but you have to make the final decision based on what is best for your child whether your child likes it or not. It is your job, as a parent, to determine when it is a good time to ask your child's opinion and when their opinion isn't going to factor in your decision.

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