Valentine's Day: Does the expense of the gift equal the amount of love?

Yes

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by Tammyjo Eckhart

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I think that there is a correlation between cost and love but it isn't what the businesses and commercials want you to think.

Someone who feels the need to spend a lot of money on a gift is letting their actions be dictated by business and commercial interests instead of their emotional connection and knowledge of the person they are buying a gift for. The amount you should spend is dependent on the person you are buying for. Let's face it, some of us are very superficial and very material.

If your loved one likes expensive things and expects expensive things, not buying to her/his idea is sending the clear message that you don't know them very well and you don't care about their feelings. If your loved one had "dropped hints" about what she/he wants, you are wise to listen. Not only does this lessen your stress in terms of coming up with something but it also sends the message that you were paying attention. Most people like to feel worthy of your attention especially if you claim to love them. Make sure that you heard these hints correctly and be wary of anyone stating a desire then saying that they really don't need anything. That's an emotional game that is being play, often unconsciously, and while I don't claim it is healthy, it happens.

By the same line of reasoning, if your loved one dislikes expensive things, spending on them will make them think the same thing and, in fact, might make them them think you are attempting to make up for a lack of emotion, commitment or time. How many times in American society do you see the stereotype of the guy who has to buy flowers or some gift to make up to his partner? So if you go overboard, it may raise a red flag in your loved one's mind. You don't want to do that.

There is a fine line between too much and not enough though when you buy presents and again it is a matter of knowing your loved one's tastes and feelings on gifts. Let me use me as an example. I love getting gifts but I'm wary of spending money. So one year for Christmas my husband got me a very nice pair of earrings that cost about $100 (our normal, good year spending limit) and a few other gifts. He knew my feelings but he fell in love with the earrings. So because I could see the love in his eyes, and knew the other gifts were very cheap, I didn't feel like he'd gone too far beyond our agreed budget for each other.

For Valentine's Day I always want chocolate, a card, and a nice dinner/lunch. The dinner/lunch is a breaking from cooking and we eat out rarely so it feels special. The card I keep and plan to look at when I'm 90 and have beautiful memories. The chocolate, oh, that's getting eaten quickly. Anything else is nice but not necessary especially this close to the winter holidays. So a person who loved me would know this and buy accordingly.

By the same token I know that my partners don't care so much about candy, especially chocolates so I buy a new book or game for them - the things they love. It isn't expensive but it takes me time to find them unique things and it may cost a bit more to order them special than simply walk into a store.

So money may matter in terms of sending a message about your love. For most people though it is really about how much attention you've paid to them so you know what to gift them with. If you are lucky, money isn't so important to them.

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