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Valentine's Day: Can you forgive him for forgetting?

Yes

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So much of this question rests on what kind of relationship you have with your man. If you have a strong, loving, caring relationship where the two of you give your all, then I would say that forgiving would be a good idea. If you have a weak, distrustful, fiery relationship, then maybe the fact that he forgot Valentine's Day is not your worst problem.

But let's assume that you do have a strong relationship. He's the man of your dreams, brings you breakfast in bed, opens doors for you, laughs at your lame jokes, what have you. As soon as New Year's Day is over, red and pink decorations start infiltrating the grocery stores, card and gift shops, jewelry stores...actually ANY store, for that matter. The commercials start plugging all the chocolates, stuffed animals, jewelry, flowers, lingerie, etc. that your sweetie could give you to let you know on February 14th that he loves and adores you.

You already know that he loves and adores you, so surely he will take the time to search for the perfect gift to prove that you are his one and only. You wait in anticipation of the day, wondering how he will profess his admiration. You make sure that you have no appointments that evening; your schedule is clear.

But the day arrives and there are no surprises in the morning. Nothing is delivered to you at home or at work. And in the evening, he just settles down to watch his favorite show on TV. He didn't even get you a card.

Now, before you start rearing up on your haunches, I'd like to ask a question: Did you get him anything? If your answer is no, then I would consider putting your haunches back down. Since when is Valentine's Day supposed to be the woman's holiday? Since when is the man supposed to show you how much he loves you, but don't have to show how much you love him? Cupid's Day is a two-way street.

But let's say that you did get him something, like a silk tie or boxers with red hearts on them. The best thing you can do is to forgive him, because there's no need to make him feel any worse.

Valentine's Day is only one day in the year, and so much pressure is riding on that one day. We have to get the perfect card and gift and make the day special by going out to dinner to share our own, unique love with scores of other people who are doing the same thing. Isn't it worth so much more when your man shows you throughout the year that he loves you? It's in the little things that he does for you on a day to day basis. Maybe he opens doors for you, or pulls out your chair for you to sit down. Maybe he takes the burnt toast and gives you the good one, or takes the end piece because he knows you don't like it. Maybe he can't resist ruffling your hair or putting his hand on your waist when he passes by you in the kitchen. Whether or not he remembers Valentine's Day pales in comparison to how he treats you the rest of the year.

However, if you still can't get past the idea that he forgot the big red holiday, then here are a few thoughts on how to rectify the situation in the future:

- You can both sit down and discuss your expectations for the day. It's always good to communicate to know where each of you stands on important issues. If he's just not that big on Valentine's Day, then you know not to go out and buy him that Rolex. Maybe you could just leave him little love notes around the house, if he wouldn't feel pressure from that, or maybe you can both decide how you want to celebrate the day, like just giving each other a card or renting a movie.

- Start talking about Valentine's Day a couple weeks before the day. Get the plans rolling in advance by including him in the process. Tell him your ideas and ask him what he'd like to do, too.

- If you want to maintain some element of surprise, how about creating your own Valentine's Day? For some people, the deluge of commercialism takes all the fun out of it, making them feel like they're celebrating because they have to, not because they want to. You can pick some random day and surprise him with dinner at his favorite restaurant, a getaway to the beach, or a date at the hot tub.

Just remember that there are tons of ways to show that you appreciate, love, and care for each other, and they don't have to fall on February 14th.

Learn more about this author, T.L. Moy.
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