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Gift Advice
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| Yes | 46% | 252 votes | Total: 546 votes | |
| No | 54% | 294 votes |
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Add to FavoritesI voted YES in this debate because that was what I was taught when I was growing up. Gifts are sacred. They express the giver's love and esteem for the recipient. Disposing of them would cause inexpressible emotional damage. Therefore, they must be cherished forever.
In practical terms, this is ludicrous. It gives other people license to control my life - to fill my living space with things they have chosen instead of things that I have chosen. Since people often choose gifts that they themselves would like to receive, rather than being sensitive to the needs and desires of the intended recipient, this can unleash a horde of SHOULDs.
You should like this. You should be grateful. You should consider yourself lucky. You should realize what a sacrifice I am making.
There are gifts which I will gladly live with. Others are more challenging. Supreme acting skill is required to produce a gracious "thank you", resolutely focusing on the old maxim, "It's the thought that counts."
When I started hearing about people refusing gifts, taking gifts back to the store for exchange, re-gifting gifts, and even selling them, I was shocked. How could they do such a monstrous, callous thing? But I was also envious. Imagine the freedom! If I don't like, need, or want something, down the road it goes.
A grandmother named Helen put things into place for me. She was from a large family, and enjoyed a close relationship with numerous grandchildren, nephews and nieces, who often presented her with gifts. Some of them were quite expensive. "I tell them that I am delighted that they wished to honor me this way, and I will enjoy their gift for a while. Then I will pass it on to someone else who can enjoy it. Otherwise, I would have no space to put anything."
I decided that if she could do it without eternally alienating her loved ones, I could do it too. A gift has no strings attached. If it does, then it is not a gift, but a fish hook which digs deeper and deeper over time. The donor may expect the gift to be reciprocated, to be used in a certain way, or to become a permanent fixture in the recipient's life. What started out as a token of love can easily become an instrument of emotional blackmail.
Recently, one of my friends was distressed because she had received a gift she did not like from someone she cared about deeply. She said she could not bear the thought of hurting the donor's feelings by letting her know. I told her that she had a choice: risk hurting the feelings of the donor, or risk recurring resentment every time she used the gift. Then, for the record, I added that anything I gave her was hers absolutely, and she was free to use it, junk it, give it away, sell it - whatever would give her the most satisfaction. All I asked is that she give me the benefit of the doubt and believe that my intentions were good.
If it impolite to sell something I received as a gift? Yes. However, manners aren't everything.
Learn more about this author, Christine G..
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No
Is it impolite to sell something you received as a gift
The possibility that you can receive an unwanted gift is there. We've all had times where it was Christmas, your relatives are exchanging gifts, and Your Grandma gives you a set of dish towels that would not match up with the theme you have going on in your kitchen and your aunt gives you some perfume that you're highly allergic to.
Because you would not want to hurt their feelings you politely smile and thank them for the gift. After you receive this gift it is yours and you can do whatever it is you want with it. However, be honest with your friends and relatives when they ask you how you're enjoying the gift. Tell them the truth. If the gift is somewhere lost in the Bermuda triangle called your closet or somewhere collecting dust let them know that you don't have a need to use it as of yet.
If you decide to sell your loved ones gift they gave you, you have a right to do it. If they become angry, they'll get over it in time. It's always a good idea to drop hints. talk to your loved ones about what you desire and could use. Unless they're genuine psychics, no one can read minds. So start dropping those hints around your birthday and holidays.
Surprises are good, but don't expect the hint you gave to be in that gift bag when you look in it on your birthday or at Christmas. Don't be disappointed, at least you tried. The economy isn't all that great and jobs are scarce. People can only give gifts that they can afford and if you receive it, understand that it's the thought that counts.
I know some people who've re-wrapped gifts after they have received them and given them to other friends or family members and even though I believe you can do whatever you want with your gifts, I have a slight problem with recycling gifts and passing them on. If it's something you choose to do, go for it, just make sure you have a good explanation to give to the relative who originally have given you that gift and heard it through the grapevine that you've re-wrapped it and gave it to your cousin.
Personally, I'm allergic to walnuts, and once I received a box of chocolate covered walnuts for Christmas, I didn't have a problem giving them to another relative who loved chocolate covered walnuts. Although I passed them on, I didn't give it as a gift.
It isn't impolite to sell anything that belongs to you. So sell those unwanted things or donate them to a charity. With this economy, and the desperate need for money, your relatives and friends will understand.
Learn more about this author, Leslie Trotter.
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Difference of opinion? Debate now.
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