Should parents allow their babies to cry themselves to sleep?

No

1 of 32

by Janonda

• 

Write now Print Invite a writer™ Add to Favorites RSS Feed Contact this writer

I honestly feel I have an unfair advantage regarding this topic, and although I hesitate, I'm going to pull out all the stops and share why I believe allowing your child to cry himself to sleep, especially if you're doing it because you don't want to spoil them by giving them too much attention, is a very bad idea.

Believe me, I do understand that sometimes babies just won't stop crying. They've been fed, burped, changed, cuddled, rocked, and kissed and nothing you do helps. If they aren't running a fever, indicating something physical could be wrong, sometimes, I concede, we have no choice but to allow them to cry until they fall asleep from exhaustion.

However, the old school of thought which says it's okay to routinely allow a baby to cry himslef to sleep because you don't want to cater to his demands for attention, is incredibly outdated and inaccurate. It's impossible to spoil a baby. When they get older things change, of course. But babies don't have the reasoning skills required to manipulate getting attention. If a baby is crying, he has a need of some kind, and if that need is comforting arms, then be compassionate enough to supply them. If we can't identify what that need is after trying everything we know to do, then there may be an underlying issue that needs to be explored, especially if the crying is chronic and goes on for long periods of time. It's important in those cases to contact your pediatrician for advice.

Now, to pull out the big guns:

I'm going to relate two stories, which happened about 10 years apart. The first story involved a lady I went to church with. She had recently given birth to her 4th child, a son, and even though she was a wonderful woman and a good mother, she came from the old school. Not only did she allow her baby to cry himself to sleep, but also, his crib was in the basement out of her earshot so she wouldn't be tempted to pick him up every time he cried.

I happened to be at her house one evening working on a church project and I could here her little one screaming in the basement. I didn't have any kids at the time, so had no wisdom regarding such things, but I asked her if she wanted to go get him. She answered no, that he just needed to cry himself to sleep.

The following Sunday I didn't see her at church. I soon learned that the very night I had been at her house, her baby had died of SIDS, Sudden infant Death Syndrome, or crib death as it is more often called. I understand that the process of SIDS is still unexplained and cannot be prevented, so perhaps it would have happened regardless. But I know for a certainty, that that mother wishes she had held her baby more and had tried more diligently to sooth his cries.

Fast-forward 10 years.

I gave birth to my 4th child, an adorable baby girl. I was awakened at 4:30 a.m. on October 1, 1987 with a warm flood soaking my sheets. My water had broken for the first time by itself. By 7:30 a.m. I was in hard labor. At 7:42 the Whittier, California earthquake hit just a few miles away from the hospital. I thought I was just having a really powerful contraction.

Unlike my other children, for the first 2 months of her life the only thing that ever consoled this new little one was being in my arms. I tried everything to sooth her cries, a baby swing, a mobile over her crib, music of all kinds, but no matter how much she had been fed, or burped, or cuddled, or rocked, the minute I laid her down, the crying would begin. There were nights I had to let her cry herself to sleep because I was completely exhausted. But for the most part, I catered to her need to be held, and thank God I did, because at 3 months and 4 days old she, like the baby from my first story, died of SIDS.

My first child's pediatrician was one of the wisest doctor's ever. I asked him once about letting my son cry himself to sleep, and he reinforced what my instinct had already told me; it's impossible to spoil a baby, so habitually letting a him cry himself to sleep may have more negative long term effects. His nurse always disagreed with him and privately took me aside to tell me what she thought. I'm happy I didn't take her advice.

Our babies are only babies for a whisper in time, and then they are off having babies of their own. We owe it to them to nurture them in every way possible during their helpless state of infancy, and then as they grow, teach them respect, integrity, discipline and compassion. If a baby is given the emotional support, which may require many hours of lost sleep for parents, as well as having his physical needs met during infancy, his chances of growing into a happy and balanced toddler, and then healthy adolescent are great.

Learn more about this author, Janonda.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.