Should fathers be able to opt out of parenthood?

Yes

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by Jan Castagnaro

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Should Fathers be able to Opt-out of Parenthood

Let's think about that for a moment, "Should fathers be able to opt out of parenthood?" It really depends on the situation. As a proponent of women's rights, and especially, women's reproductive rights, it only seems right to extend equal rights to the male in the equation. A woman knows when she is ready and willing to be a mother, and she is allowed to make that reproductive choice, and therefore men should also have the same right.

However, it really does depend on the situation. Today, we see too many young girls, who are not even mature enough to be considered a woman, and that have low self-esteem. They have been exposed to dysfunctional relationships in their own upbringing and home environments, and do not learn how to build stable relationships, causing them to constantly choose the wrong types of males to partner with. Sex becomes an act that they believe has to quickly commence with every new guy they meet, because their warped understanding of relationship is that sex equates to love. On the flip side of the equation, just as there are so many young girls who are growing up without the necessary knowledge on how to build a stable relationship, there are an equaling amount of young guys who do not have the knowledge either. It is the beginning of the new and next generation of dysfunctional relationships.

How often do we hear about young girls having babies because it fills a void, it gives them something to love, and they hope it will keep the guy they are with even though they have only known each other a few months? Unfortunately, these reasons are becoming all too trendy. Yes, they should be equally responsible for contraception, and when they fail to be respectful to each other in that sense, they find themselves in a situation known as pregnancy. If the two had taken the time to build a relationship, they may have found out that one or the other did not want to be a parent, and maybe it would have helped them refrain from sex or take better precautions. When it comes to parenting, the relationship needs to have both consenting members aware and ready of the responsibility. In other words, it takes committment, and if the two are not really committed to a relationship, how can either expect to fully commit to being the best parents they can be?

When a pregnancy occurs in this type of relationship, the girl has the right to do whatever she wants, reproductively speaking. The discussions about whether each wanted to be parents at any point in their lives never took place before conception did. But still, the female is in control. If she does not feel she is ready to be a mother or she does not ever want to be a mother, she can make the choice to give the pregnancy up for adoption or choose to have an abortion. Though, many young girls are jumping on the side of pro-life as a means to atone for being irresponsible sexually, as if being pro-life now makes the situation all better. The male in these types of relationships will either tough it out with a girl they hardly know, creating another generation of dysfunction, or they will become a child support paycheck, who is often void in the child's life; and she will become angry and bitter at the fact that she could not force parenthood on him and cannot understand why he does not want to be involved.

There are also relationships, ones that even include marriage, where the male is totally absent when it comes to being a parent. More often than not, it is not healthy for a child to feel unloved, unwanted, and not nurtured. We know now that it is not only the female who is the nurturer, but that the male has an abundance of nurturing to carry out in order to give a child a wealth of stability and security. By forcing a male to be a father when he is unwilling, it makes for resentment and it does not make them a quality parent. Just like you cannot force a woman to be and feel maternal, why do we believe a man should own up and be paternal? Biology does not make people automatically good at parenting, and all one has to do is turn on the news or pick up a newspaper to see proof of this. We have mothers that abuse and kill their children, we have fathers who abuse and kill children, making it evident that not everyone should be allowed to be a parent.

Now, if the circumstance is one where there has been a committed relationship that extends out for a few years and there are already children born, it is a bit different. The father should be financially responsible for the children, and it would be great if he could still be involved and an intricate part of their upbringing. But, if they were not very involved before the relationship failed, what makes a woman believe they will be involved after the relationship is over? Again though, it is not beneficial to try and force a father to be a father, because the child will feel the lack of interest and warmth and this will be unhealthy for the child. A child is better off without an ingenuine and forced relationship with their father.

So yes, a male should be able to opt out of parenthood. Being a quality parent is not something that can be forced, and it most definitely has to be a desire. Maybe if men were given the same right as women to opt out of parenthood, girls and women would enter into sexual relationships cautiously, taking the time to really know the person they are with before they become intimate. It might force females to have the real conversations and ask the hard questions like, "Do you want to have kids and when do you see yourself being a parent", instead of finding out the hard way when they bail. Face it, parenthood is not something that can be forced.

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